DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Definitely not!

Only MNHQ can delete posts.

So people are...bullying you....by responding to you.

Let's be honest, shall we? You completely misread a comment and now you've embarrassed yourself.

Here you go losers.

No one called you a bitch.

No, people like you get highly aggressive and nasty if not agreed with - repeatedly. That IS bullying.

You can’t delete your own posts

That isn't calling you a bitch. It's saying your comment says a lot about your character.

Where's my use of that word, please?

You revealed yourself by using a misogynistic insult.

My character is a trouble making bitch. Oh that's fine then.

That’s not something you say to a colleague. Sorry but your DH was out of line.

Again, not what was said.

OP, you both seem to be downplaying what was said. Describing the comment as “clumsy” and “fairly inoffensive,” and calling it “OTT” to report, comes across as dismissive and belittling. On top of that, your DH tried to shift the blame by saying his colleague seemed “highly strung” that day. That’s not accountability, that’s deflection.

The reality is, the comment was inappropriate. It clearly made his colleague uncomfortable, or she wouldn’t have reported it. And regardless of how you or your DH feel about it, that kind of comment is inappropriate in a professional setting. If anything, an earlier report to HR might have been a wake-up call for your DH before his behavior escalated and risked a formal warning.

This isn’t about who can take a joke, it’s about what’s appropriate under workplace policy and employment law.

Christ it was all you. We aren't in the twilight zone here. Go back and read it.

I'm trying to be as kind as possible here. Mumsnet is a welcoming forum and I'm not aware of any age restrictions for posting here. (I'm willing to be corrected on that, however.)

You're getting yourself worked up. Judging by some of your comments, you seem to be very young and you've had difficulty understanding some posts on here.

As they would say on Reddit, you're doubling down. There's really no need to do that.

oh i totally agree, we can;t judge how things make people feel. i should have elborated

I’m confused by this post.
@MyLimeGuide has confirmed my guess about her reasoning behind her post which was misunderstood by Sofie.

if you read back to Sofies original comment, mine in response and then Limes confirmation

Yet it's one of your comment's that have been deleted not the comment's of the women you are haranguing

Because it was reported by someone who didn't agree, standard.

Oh, I read that. MyLimeGuide clung onto your comment like a drowning man holding onto a life raft.

"looked particularly happy" but also "highly strung that day" 🙄
Don't turn "highly strung" into "can't take a joke".

I'd lay money that op is getting a watered down version of what was said.

I agree the word is inappropriate but as the victim is not on this thread and is not named it’s not considered harassment to speculate on a persons personality.

We know nothing of the backstory
They could both make similar comments to each other all the time
The victim could be just as vulgar to OPs dh on a regular basis, or visa versa.
We don’t know.

he should have never made that comment. It’s disgusting, to be subjected to that at work is out of order. Good for her give your head a wobble.