DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Highly strung

Lovely

I'm not sure how anyone could have thought that sort of comment was acceptable in the work place in 1995, never mind 2025!!

I certainly wouldn’t have said it, but just feel that given the relationship between them reporting feels OTT.

I’d certainly read him the riot act if it was to put his job at risk, but he assured me he’ll be fine and expects a slap on the wrist if that.

Ugh, so sleazy! And not remotely funny. Agree with others this is unlikely the first time he’ll have made a comment like this. Whoever you are random lady who reported this- good for you and thank you!

I’d be ashamed to call him my husband - that’s the way he talks to women in the workplace… bet he’s a joy down the pub with his mates . Would you like a man to say that to you when you go to work ?

That sounds a bit off. Unless they were close work mates who both spoke to eachother about whether or not they'd had sex recently?

She clearly thought it was offensive. And I can't say I blame her. Even with a lot of banter at work with blokes I can't imagine liking hearing that.

Hopefully he'll apologise and learn his lesson. No sex chat with colleagues.

I’d be horrified if someone said that to me. Or a female colleague. And like others I suspect it’s not the first time he’s made banterish comments.

The best thing he can do is acknowledge how inappropriate this was, apologise profusely and take any training they offer extremely seriously. Oh, and never do this again.

I'd advise him not to say anything like that at work. He's only going to make things worse for himself trying to blame her for being "highly strung" rather than admitting he was in the wrong for his inappropriate comment.

This poor woman now has to continue working with your DH knowing that he thinks about sex when he sees her. Not on. I hope he learns a lesson from this.

Sounds like he doesn’t understand anything about the impact of sleazy comments like this, or is taking any responsibility.

Given she seemed happy when she got to work (hence his comment) it suggests that the comment really upset her and she spent the day worrying about whether she should report him or not if she was highly strung afterwards. Sounds like she didn’t take the decision to report lightly which means she has probably brushed off lots of things up to now

So you’d only be annoyed if it cost him his job? I’d be furious at my DH if he told me he’d said that to a colleague - regardless of the consequences.

Very inappropriate comment.

Your husband knows better but did it anyway thinking he could get away with it.

You're dismissive because your husband has been caught being that shitty guy at work.

The relationship your husband claims they have with each other.

So she appeared highly strung yet he made the remark because she seemed particularly happy? He's not only disgustingly unaware of what constitutes an inappropriate comment, he also seems to be spectacularly stupid.

My thinking exactly

It’s not highly strung to be made to feel uncomfortable by sexist and inappropriate comments.

She was in a great mood, remember? Which is why he said the stupid remark? So he made her feel really uncomfortable.

Vile comment. No wonder his colleague appeared “highly strung” if he pissed her off with that comment first thing in the morning.

Highly inappropriate to say to any colleague, regardless or sex or gender

That's the kind of thing only very close friends who have know each other for decades might say

I'd say he's in a bit of shit and will get a written warning

A good relationship with a work colleague does not equate to being allowed to make sleazy comments, what a creep! I suggest he should change his attitude as if he goes to HR minimising it like he's done with you he's going to be in real trouble. He sounds like a dinosaur, frankly.

euuwww he’s gross.

Jesus 😬

I'd have reported him too. And his "highly strung" comment just makes him look like even more of a sexist dick. I bet he reckons it was her time of the month or something 🤢

So you're only concerned about the fact that he might lose his job?

So I’m not sure I would have reported it as I would have told him very explicitly and clearly that his comment was completely unacceptable and I am the least person to be offended . But it was at work. It wasn’t down the pub.

He was wrong and I don’t blame his colleague for doing so.

Your reaction is probably as concerning. I respect the fact you want to side with your OH and have his back but defending him is not okay. What if someone said this to your daughter (if you have one). Your OH saying this to a colleague is frankly disgusting and doesn’t smack of a guy who respects his marriage.

People should not make sexual jokes or comments to or about their colleagues.
It is inappropriate.
He should know this.