DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

now you are guessing this wasn’t the reasoning behind the post and making comments about ‘drowning man on a life raft’ about a poster that is on this thread and will read that.

Lime has confirmed the reasoning and personally I’m happy to take people at their word in this instance as it was my understanding too.

You have decided not to, which is fine. Your choice.

Lime if someone directly called you something offensive you can report it and MN will take it down

although it does have to be a direct attack

I’ve read on other threads posters can ask MN to delete their own post. I’ve never done it myself so can’t confirm but there were posts deleted last time I looked on about pg 12 to 14 ish I think.
No idea what they were though as i haven’t seen the content of any deleted ones

But that clearly wasn't relevant in this case...the only posts deleted as part of this conversation were Lime's comments. Nobody she was arguing with had a comment deleted.

Weary is correct on this one Lime.
I can’t see anyone calling you a B…..
There was a few pages back the term twat alluded to but that wasn’t directed at you Lime and was referencing a characteristic and not a direct attack on a poster anyway.

Agree.
just pointing out you can get your own posts deleted if you want

Yet another reason for the OP's husband to not be so bloody stupid as to think it would be funny to make a comment about what he thought had entered her body the night before. But perhaps he's always relied upon social conditioning of women and the support of those like his wife to facilitate his harassment, so he's had his nose put out of joint by the temerity of her not finding it hilariously entertaining - by her not losing composure or control despite offence and/or distress, but deciding to follow the appropriate channels set out by HR in respect of submitting employee grievances.

As a result, they can investigate fully and determine whether disciplinary proceedings up to and including dismissal for Gross Misconduct will be necessary. Which may be somewhat more enlightening for the OP than her husband anticipates, as it could well involve statements from multiple witnesses, including other female staff members who may have been subjected to his 'humour' in the past but been too intimidated to say anything official.

You can ask for them to be deleted. MN make the decision as to whether to delete them or not.

So do you mean if you make a post and decide against it MN can still chose to keep your unwanted post online.?

Of course, it doesn't belong to you. It is Mumsnet's owned content to copy, sell, share as they choose.

Wow
Ihadnt really considered that one’s own post doesn’t actually belong to us.

Thanks

Yes

Like the people saying your a twat if you dont agree, someone just called me a bitch, I haven't said anything mean to anyone but others here resort to name calling if their opinions aren't exactly agreed to.

Are you trying to apply gaslighting techniques @MyLimeGuide ? You appear to have a short attention span as you were the one who used the foul slur 'B*TCH' to describe a woman and then claim that someone used it to describe you - which they did not.

Are you feeling okay?

It's not on the thread. No one called you the B word.

You are the one who used the foul slur - refer to your post from 13:13 where you clearly stated:

There we go again... 'for all we know' for all we know she could be an absolute trouble making bitch!!!

This thread has taken a very weird turn 🙄

Yes, MN absolutely can decide to leave it. MN own the content. Once you've posted there is a very short window to edit, but after that short 'edit window' timescale, your post remains, unless it breaches talk guidelines and MN delete it, or if you appeal to MNHQ to remove/delete a post, for example, for having inadvertently posted something 'outing'

Im not sure how trying to defend myself is gaslighting. Again, i did not call anyone a bitch, you have twisted my words to make me look bad because I dont have the same opinion as the majority.

Lying repeatedly about being called a bitch is gaslighting. No posts have been deleted or edited whereby you were called a bitch. It didn’t happen and you’ve claimed it did probably 5 times.

I said it once. I made a mistake (on that one point) that I thought someone had deleted. It is still there, I interpreted that as being called a bitch. I still do. Don't u think its about time you eased off?

I know which I'd prefer to 'put up with'- a silly comment made by a man or the nastiness that this thread has bought out, thank god I don’t work with some of you on here, the general thinly veiled bullying is awful

Well said. I've alluded to the same myself re the bullying. If you don't agree with the majority you literally have to prepare for a pile on. They're relentless.

All the more reason NOT to blur those lines. How many years have women had to put up with 'banter' designed to exclude them? Or page 3 on the walls?

Although he may not have meant to cause harm, he's certainly not shown himself to be an ally and he really needs to do better.

I really hate it when women think that just because they had to put up with something 10, 20, 30 or 40 years ago, women today are somehow less for not putting up with it.

I had to tolerate all manner of sexual harassment when I joined the workforce. Laughed it off, gave as good as I got, yada yada yada. That doesn’t mean it was ok or that it should be ok now. I applaud women who feel able to say it’s unacceptable.

Yep.

This is true. Not nice. But a taste of the real world sadly.