Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

Asking you again as I may have missed your response, sorry:

His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave
So then, if you were the bride in this exact situation, is this what you would have done too?

She gently asked him to go to the lawn with his dad.

The horror.

Plenty of couples choose not to marry. Does this alter the relationship to a stepchild? Must they always get left out because the parent and step-parent aren't married?

How do you know how many other people tried to gatecrash the brunch, you have no idea if the OP was the only one

Gently ask him to go with his dad to the lawn per OP? Yes.

Horror indeed. She was a cheeky fucker saying anything to the child. She should have spoken to her brother if she was going to be so damn petty and vindictive.

Again, this is exactly what OP was relying on. She’s not upset for her child - she’s upset that she got caught out.

You've absolutely no right to be upset, you were told no, and you did it anyway.

I was at a breakfast buffet this morning and the 2 days prior to that. There were kids around that age and they were eating a hell of a lot more than sausage and a bit of bread or melon. They ate much more than I did. A friend’s 8 year old wants(and eats) an adult steak dinner. They don’t all pick at food like a toddler.

We don't, and if they did maybe they got kicked out? We're discussing this one example.

Exactly this! What if 2 ppl remain only bf/gf for life, does that mean they are never each others family? That their families shouldn’t view them as family? I hate that marriage is only way your relationship will ever be taken seriously.

So not allowed him any food. Ok thanks for the answer.

They may have done - the OP commented on what her child had.

She isn't the cheeky fucker in this situation.

Unbelievable……

I have secondhand embarrassment for you, this was indeed very unreasonable behaviour on your part.

Nope. He wasn't invited and his mum was right there to feed him.

They're both in the wrong but if I was on cloud 9 having got married mere hours ago, I wouldn't have been chucking a child out. It's disgusting.

Dear God, please stop with the wild statements around the OPs intent. It was breakfast for a child!

I find the plonking of the op in the 'just gf' category misogynistic. The lady has lived with the bride's brother for a year and been with him three years.
Loads of people are not married these days. It doesn't make a woman less so. Are we looking to create a new pecking order? Shame on those who feel like that.
I'm going to step away from this thread.
I find it depressing and unkind.

You had one job

While I personally wouldn’t begrudge a child some food, the one in the wrong here is the OP. She was told “no” numerous times and chose to ignore that instruction.

Oh no, a few extra people came along to join the buffet brunch. What a disaster! I can’t honestly think of any situation where I absolutely would have given less of a €%|£>{ than the day after I had got married!

She isn't in the wrong at all. OP was there to feed her uninvited child.

It isn't disgusting to expect a child's parent to feed them. It is disgusting to put your child in that situation after being told no.

I've only read OPs posts but wow @Weddingbrunchcrasher

You were told no. Twice. But you did it anyway. That is shocking behavior by you. It doesn't matter whether it was a buffet or something you consider expensive or whatever, you were told NO.

It shouldn't matter. If they're in a committed relationship, the child should be considered part of the extended family.

My parents certainly didn't treat my step daughter as 'not family' when i was living with my ExH before we got married.

I think if you feel marriage is what shuffles a step child from 'not family' to 'family' when the parent/partner are in a committed relationship/living together makes a person a special kind of arsehole.