Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

They didn’t though (isn’t that called whataboutery). OP was wrong but I couldn’t have been that callous to a child.

Exactly the kind of mawkish “Awwh, poor little thing” attitude the CF OP was relying on.

This is a giant red flag for your new partner. You disrespect the boundaries set by others, you cause trouble between him and his family, you are emotionally disregulated, and you're a poor role model for your son. In fact, you have zero hesitation in using your son, your partner, or someone else's wedding day as props and backdrops for your narcissistic dramas. Run, everyone, run!

FFS life is short! Yes the OP shouldn't have brought him but what kind of person shoos a child away! I'd be keeping my distance!

"Mawkish" my arse. It's common decency!

i wasn't commenting on the OP.. i was commenting on the fact i think considering all the other guests children were invited to the brunch and allowed to eat, that that she was being spectacularly shitty to not allow her brothers step-kid to eat with his mom and step dad who WERE on the list.

What kind of arse do you have to be to exclude an 8yo from breakfast when both his responsible adults ARE invited, and he's at the hotel with them?

I'm struggling to see how the OP can say 'I wasn't trying to blag free food' when that's exactly what she tried to do. Several times. The mental gymnastics going on are worthy of Simone Biles.

Dear god it's not like he was having a 12 piece fry up!

@WinterBonesexcept the child is not her brother’s step kid. They’re not married. It’s his girlfriends child.

He was at a sleepover. How were they to know that OP had to pick him up early? It sounds like she didn't tell them that.

It might have been if he'd got near the buffet!

I doubt it. The child is 8.

It does seem to be an odd thing to care about. The at after I got married all I cared about my my DH. Couldn’t have cared less who was at breakfast. At that point it was just a relaxed morning of excitement and relaxation now that the wedding was done! I honestly can’t imagine caring one bit about somebody’s child turning up. I totally understand at the wedding itself but the day after? Each to their own.

A person that has had more than enough of OP's entitlement.

Is it not a case of you pay for the buffet food “per head” but once it’s gone it’s gone, they don’t actually count the “heads”.

For example when I got married a few of my husbands friends turned up with dates to the evening do that weren’t accounted for when paying per head at the buffet (I didn’t mind at all as there was enough for everyone). Catered buffets are usually paid for in advance for how many you think are coming. I even paid for less ppl than actually attended my wedding/evening do as I knew not everyone would eat.

So I’m highly doubting they’ve done a strict check of every person at this catered event and noticed an extra child especially if as op says they were spilling out into other areas of the hotel.

Well if you knew him attending the brunch in your opinion "wasn't going to be a problem" why didnt you message bride and ask?? Because you knew fine well your son wasn't invited but didn't want him excluded. Sorry op you are in the wrong you should have told your partner and the bride sorry won't make brunch picking child up from sleepover and either arranged to collect your partner after or he arranges a lift home

Yeah sure. Take it out on an 8 year old. Very mature!

The OP WAS invited, she could have gone in with her partner and got food for herself, as could her partner. How is that blagging free food? Presumably she could easily feed the kid from what she'd be able to load her plate and her partners plates with?

This is the thing. The OP should not have taken her uninvited child along.

But it takes a special kind of pettiness to not let the child eat once they are there. Being flexible and adaptable when things don’t go to plan is a route to better mental health. All these mean-spirited people who wouldn’t let the child eat because that wasn’t part of the plan? Can’t see them finding life easy at all.

OP is the one who put her own child in that position.

I think it's an entirely reasonable assumption. I would have assumed until I got there it was just a "come and have brunch if you're here while we still are" deal. Not a faffy private do that's pretending it's still their wedding day.

think about how upset the bride may have felt (having to ask for a child to leave her own wedding event)
She didn't have to ask anybody to leave her brunch she was at after her wedding. Especially when it was already with people out of the private room and onto the lawn.

But for this one they had a list of names and he wasn't on it.

Yes and the SIL is the one who threw a child out.

I thought you were “out”? Why are you still commenting?

I don't know why you took your son back with you. You say you only have one car, so you should have planned to pick your partner up later in the day if you no longer had childcare for your son. It's not the brides fault you had to leave to pick up your son and therefore we're unable to stay for the brunch, and she had made it clear beforehand your child was not invited.

Have a cup of tea and calm down dear it’s not that deep 😆