Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

At the end of the day, the upset that OP is feeling is because she has realised that her son is not seen as equally close as godchildren etc. who were at the brunch.

But OP is bring entirely unrealistic. She is not married and has only lived with her partner for a year. She says bride and groom have met her son, but his many times? I would guess not many at all.

Well clearly this venue did, because staff literally turned him away at the door and was told his name wasn't down

Listen dear, there's a distinction. I don't know if the bride is crass or cruel, but her behaviour in this situation is absolutely crass and cruel. I hope you can wrap your head around that.

Exactly, she hardly marched him out of there in a headlock.

And you think that the bride should accept an uninvited guest even if she had to pay a considerable sum for them to dine as my friend would have been charged for her wedding brunch buffet?

As OP has found out, not everyone is a pushover.

The op said there were lots of children that were not invited so you can't say that.

Her behaviour not her character.

Can you please understand the difference?

When we got married there was literally no budget as my parents were picking up the bill and they aren't short of a bob or two so to them it was pocket change. However, I know the value of money and wasn't having them spend any money on CF's. Not one person had a plus one, the only partners invited were those that were engaged or married and the only kids were my those in my bridal party (My two DSibling's children).

My MIL occasionally says that "she" chose not to insist one of DH's cousins partners should be invited and I think even that implication is terribly crass. MIL paid not one penny towards the wedding and she got a specific number of friends she could invite. She couldn't insist on anything. Even now, after 20 years of marriage I do (kindly) remind her that actually the list of guests belonged to a) my parents b) us as bride and groom and no one else.

The OP was being a CF thinking she could just override what had been laid out and I am so pleased that the bride didn't just allow herself to be walked all over and instead set a precedent for the future.

Don't be silly. That would never have happened with one child.

This! It’s not fair on other excluded children. Plus if its a private breakfast they likely had to pay per head

People are so weird about weddings, man. It was a brunch. The bride and groom have already made their guests find childcare for the evening, so don't he a dick and extend that to the morning as well.

Sorry for your son to be ejected from this brunch. I wish people didn't hate kids in this country.

How do you know? A member of staff had already turned OP away with her son because he wasn't on the list.

You’re missing the point, the amount of food calculated on cost per head remained the same wether 65 ppl ate or 80 ppl ate.

The “per head” is to gage amount of food paid for, not head count within the room.

Thread nearly full. If OP is still reading I'm going to try and have the last word to say don't worry about it. You didn't handle it brilliantly but it's nowhere near the massive deal some would have you believe. Apologise lightly and move on.

A tight budget doesn't mean small or modest budget. It means you've got an allotted amount of money and can't go over it. Could be a fiver, could be a million quid. And its not for others to reprioritise your money.

So what if it wasn’t the royal wedding. It’s not her wedding and that’s the crux of the matter. What a crass statement to make about someone’s wedding as if people should just walk all over their wishes because they’re not royalty or famous. Are you for real? No one said it was the most heinous crime in the world but it is inexplicably rude behaviour and has clearly caused a lot of upset. Not committing the most heinous crime in the word is hardly the bar to live your life by. She’s not a piece of work to throw the child out in those circumstances, he wasn’t invited nor paid for and it’s unacceptable that the OP has put her in that position in the first place! She should have done the decent thing in the first place and not taken him. As she failed in that she should have done the secondary decent thing and left with him and got him some breakfast. She asked him to join his step-dad which isn’t an unreasonable request and she was polite about it. She shouldn’t have even had to deal with it. It’s not the brides fault for OPs lack of care or thought. It’s not a minor, trivial thing to ignore someone’s blessing when they’ve thought kindly enough to invite you to their wedding and pay for it and then spoil it to any degree. They could have just not invited her at all. She is calling the bride precious for wanting the wedding that she planned and paid for instead of admitting her faults which is so entitled. She’s being called a CF because she is one! Good grief. I’m sure she wouldn’t be having such backlash if she didn’t keep digging her heels in and trivialising her behaviour. No one cares about your parents opinions dear, they’re neither bride nor groom. Luckily the majority of people are in agreement with the norm. You need to give your head a wobble!

I know because I have common sense!!

It’s not silly. That’s literally how it worked with my friend’s buffet. She was explicitly told (In writing) that the wedding package included 30 people for the post wedding brunch buffet. That there would be a guest list and that full price would have to be paid for anyone else who dined. They didn’t care if it was one child or one adult. They would have charged her regardless.

Then why didn't the member of staff just let him through?

You hide it so well.

Lmao whereas op really made it special for them

And nobody has managed to convince me that it was still part of the wedding formalities in any way. It was an extra on the next day, should have been a nice chilled out way of saying goodbye to guests who were in the hotel. OP in no way crashed the actual wedding or a part of it

My head is perfectly fine, thanks for your concern.

It was a totally trivial issue, yes, annoying, but not worth making a fuss about, but then I couldn't find it in me to get worked up over a solitary child.