Crashed a wedding brunch with son. Evicted by Sister-in-law

[Weddingbrunchcrasher]

Partner’s sister got married on Saturday. Partner asked if my 8 year old could come but was told no.

She only wanted her other brother’s daughter as a bridesmaid. Her other brother’s three stepchildren were not invited, the youngest of whom is thirteen.

I then asked her directly if I could bring him in the evening, she said that she wasn’t having an evening do but the invitation clearly went into the evening, what she said was she meant a separate evening do. No extra guests were coming in the evening.

Ex wasn’t available to look after son but he had a sleepover with a friend but they were heading off at 9:00 in the morning so I had to leave hotel to collect my son. Partner didn’t have a separate car and it didn’t occur to me that it would be a problem to head back to hotel with my son for the brunch they had arranged.

Again just did not occur to me that it would be a problem.

So we arrive and queue to get into breakfast area where I assumed brunch was but it was in a separate room and only my name was down they refused to allow my son in. I refused to leave him to go into brunch to ask if he could come in.

Partner had left phone so finally the brunch spilled out to the lawn and we joined them. We were both starving so I went to get plates. His sister came over to my son and essentially asked him to leave, sort of gently by asking him to go out on lawn with my partner. Partner left with us and we had breakfast in the pubic bit.

I actually started to cry over breakfast, then my son did. I am ashamed of myself for this.

I get I was unreasonable over wedding but the Brunch surely I wasn’t. Did I make too many assumptions?

Bride and groom have met my son. We have lived together for a year.

Partner is a bit shocked but obviously it was their actual wedding.

I think you should apologise to your son.

You put him in a very embarrassing position.

You should also apologise to your partner and to the bride. It should be an apology with no "but".

But OP has only lived with the bride’s brother for a year. Let’s worry about whether she will be considered family after 20 years in 19 years’ time.

I’d have said are you hungry, come on let’s get you a bite to eat. Then I, as the bride, would have picked a few bits out for him. I know that’s the minority view but that’s what I would have done (but then I would have included OP’s son in the invites because I can't imagine inviting my brother(s) or sister(s) and their partners and not children. I’d rather have spent my money on inviting all family (including partners/kids) than having a private buffet the next day, if it was one or the other.

I agree with you. This is all so deeply petty in the scheme of things. I'm sick of fucking bridezillas and their selfishness. It wasn't even the wedding day - aren't those brunches meant to be more relaxed? I've never been to one. Bloody performative weddings! Bullshit!

Why did you go back to the hotel? With an additional guest. The brunch would have been as carefully planned and paid for on a per head scenario as part of the wedding.
Take the fact its your son out of the picture, to the bride there was an uninvited guest, turning up on day 2 of the wedding.

Bloody hell, I’ve only read a few posts. What a pile on, give the poor woman a break.

Also... Not the point of the thread but if I had a child having a sleepover at mine I would give hen breakfast before they left

100% agree with you.

It was a fucking buffet!!

How the heck do you think other parents who's children had not been invited would have felt seeing that child there when theirs wasn't?

For me the rights or wrongs of the child not being invited are neither here nor there. I'm not a fan of inviting guests without their partners to weddings, if a not-invited partner snuck into the post wedding brunch despite being told no multiple times I'd still think that they're absolutely unhinged.

It wasn't all the other guests children, it was only a few children.

I find the plonking of the op in the 'just gf' category misogynistic. The lady has lived with the bride's brother for a year and been with him three years.

I’m not sure you understand what misogynistic means.

No-one was invited without their partner?

Ok, but as you weren't the bride in question how's that relevant?

Is there something wrong with your keyboard, what's with the special characters ?

That's ok if you have the money to invite everyone they may have been on a tight budget.

Likewise could we stop with the hysteria over what the bride did?

It’s hardly disgusting or cruel or any of the other even more ridiculous statements that others have made. They, seemingly politely, said to OP that her child was not on the list, as is quite normal with private events. They did not beat, starve or defenestrate him.

I feel like OP could have had the moral high ground IF they politely made known to the SIL that they were a bit upset on behalf of their son that he wasn't invited, and then either agreed not to bring him to any of it, or declined the invitation for herself.

However, by going along and chancing her arm when common sense (as evidenced by the 95% YABU responses) suggests this was asking for trouble, and so that moral high ground has been lost. You don't get to make a principled stand against child free weddings and also induce your SIL to complain by taking your child to said wedding.

They are valid positions to disagree with a child free wedding on principle, and / or think that SIL was being shitty not to invite her son. I don't like child free weddings, and wouldn't personally have excluded a stepson from my wedding.

HOWEVER, to have taken the son along when you know the SIL's sensitivity about this is basically baiting her and crying when she rises to the bait. It's like going and finding an unstable angry man in a pub and taunting him and then complaining you got your ass kicked.

Well I don’t want to write swear words out!

and yes I’m not the bride as I’m kind and easy going!

It was a private catered for buffet that could have run out, these things are per head. It was a formal part of the wedding, even if 'the day after'.

You should have stopped at McDonalds and grabbed breakfast and waited in the car for your partner.

you need to really apologise to the bride !

No one said they weren’t.

So you’d have done it differently. So what? It’s not your wedding we’re discussing!

i would assume because neither she nor her partner had checked out of the hotel, so its natural she'd return there... then checkout with her partner later as planned.

A “fucking” private buffet with a guest list which was likely to incur additional charges for additional diners who were not on the list.