To dig up the patio and put dh under it?

[Summerinspringtime]

*lighthearted
Obviously I won’t do it. The grounds too hard for a start!
So I’ve just returned home to find the washing machine on with all my white clothes in PLUS ds grey fleece and other none whites.
Dh has done it. I asked him what the grey item in with my whites was and he replied oh your grey fleece I guess. Turns out it’s ds’s dark grey fleece.
I have specifically told dh to not wash my white clothes after he ruined ever white item he washed previously.
He turned all my underwear a dirty grey colour and I could never restore it back to white.
So now I see my brand new white bra in there! The one I replaced my old one with after he ruined it!
Do not reply with how lucky I am to have a dh who can work a washing machine. I’ve worked 6 days this week. Dh will be off for the next 3 days.
He says I’m ungrateful.
I say he should wash only whites or leave my stuff the fuck alone.
Seriously I bought all new underwear after the last time.

Also the white bedding I bought, he shrank when he washed it. Again he told me I was ungrateful.

I can see both sides because I don't GAF if my whites go in with other colours, I'm one of those. I wouldn't be buying new underwear unless they have holes 😂

But if you've asked him and he purposefully has done it anyway, that's the actual issue.

I hate this. Bloody men who think laundry is easy and can be done any old how because it’s a woman’s job. Just housework, no need to be careful.
I removed my laundry from the laundry hamper in the end, as I couldn’t train DH sufficiently.

Do you do separate finances or joint?

There is an obvious solution to this and I don't understand why you haven't thought of it.

Leave the hose running overnight on a secluded part of the garden and the ground will soften up nicely.

Why should you he grateful that he ruined your stuff?!? He should be upset if it was an accident.

If you have separate finances then make him replace everything.

And having just done a patio myself recently I would say don't take it up and bury him there as it's far too much work. Think of something else...

YANBU. He should know better. It's basic stuff.

It’s called Learned Incompetence. Go on about it enough and he’ll believe he’s justified in refusing to do anything

YABU, there are easier ways. Lovely day for a cliff walk...

You have no other option here..........
The patio it is!😱

Nah, you shouldn't be grateful because he puts the washing on...honestly men like this are laughable 🤣 but I couldn't get bent out of shape about some slightly discoloured underwear. But that's me.

@AlienShmalien haha...I shall remember this tip! 😂

I know I’m missing the point but how did he shrink the bedding?

A microfleece garment isn't as likely to run as the dye is in the plastic. Unless you're meaning a cotton sweatshirt / hoodie?

But yanbu. Having garments ruined is justifiable homicide

Yes YABU, because the ground will settle and the dip in the patio will annoy you even more in a few years time.

Have you thought about planting a vine instead?

I do a light wash and my whites are still white. I've got a 6 year old white t shirt that still looks bright. Why are yours getting ruined so easily?

How did he shrink the bedding? Some bedding fabrics aren't pre washed, like some clothes so I avoid those as they will shrink on the first wash.

I think your garden will look lovely with a new patio OP. You can get a new whirligig washing line installed on it for your sparkling whites to dry on.

It isn't just men. When I lived with my mum for a bit post redundancy she did this. I told her to leave my clothes and I'd wash them. She washed a new brilliant white organic cotton top from Baukjen among other white items in with my black gym gear and a general mixed wash.

I was very annoyed. She called me an ungrateful bitch. I started hiding my bags of washing as she just mixed it all up and I had grey knickers

Apart from doing the washing yourself (seeing as he won't leave it alone), the answer is not to buy a lot of white clothing or bedding.

YABU. Make him dig the hole.

Another person here wondering how the hell you shrink bedding!

I'm sure you could do something really annoying during the footie, too.

I honestly don’t understand how a grey fleece could ruin your whites. I do mixed loads all the time and never have an issue.

He's done it on purpose.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh or cynical but I guarantee it is what has happened.

He's ruined stuff before so he knows to be careful but he hasn't bothered.

That coupled with his insistence that you should be grateful for him doing his share of household chores rather than him apologising shows where his thoughts on this lie.

He sees the domestic grunt work as your job and resents doing it. He cannot possibly see you as an equal or respect you if he feels that domestic servitude is your task.

I've spent my life working in male dominated industries with very few women and I've heard men joke on many many occasions about what they do to get out of chores.

Why does it matter what colour bras are? I replace mine when they don’t fit any more or if they fall apart, I’m not wearing them on the bus to work, so nobody is going to care if they aren’t dazzlingly white. 🤷‍♀️

Yeah, I’m right there with you, shovel in hand. GRR!!!

You just can't win,
DP had some gloves where each finger is a different colour. So thinking ahead I cut each one off so they could be washed separately and guess what - apparently I'm stupid!!!