I'm a MILF apparently...

[JustAnotherIdiotAgain]

Just seen a WhatsApp chat (showed to me by DP) where I have been referred to by one of his friends as a MILF.... I'm fucking fuming. Trying not to overreact but the bloody cheek...
Personally I find this dismissive and insulting but didn't think I would be quite this angry. Happy to be told I'm overreacting but not sure I can let this slide!

I buy it. No one has ever said this to me or about me (that I know of - my DP probably has more sense than to tell me!). But if they did I would hit the roof. I am not flattered or appreciative of being turned into a sex object by random men..

I would have assumed the men thought, although I look good for my age, I nevertheless look like my husband’s mother.

well firstly ‘I’d like to fuck your husband’ is totally different as is ‘if like to fuck your wife’

Your wife is a MILF is clap on the back for the DH - the latter is direct challenge and likely to result with a punch on the nose.

It's funny because this thread has made me remember Ken Livingstone. When he first became prominent in London politics in the 1970s he said then: if women knew how men talked about them and what they thought about them , they would be totally shocked.

Fifty years on and some men are still talking about women in the same way. The difference is that a lot of women now know this but they aren't shocked. They think it's normal and they accept it . They accept the way men think of them and don't challenge it.

Get called it by my daughters friends tongue in cheek and by my mates, I really couldn’t get worked up by this, I’ll probably miss it when I’m past the stage of being considered a milf if I’m honest.
If I’m honest in group chats I’ve said certain men are hot, dilfs or zaddies, just as a fun way of saying they’re attractive, I really can’t see the harm.
And although it’s a porn search term (surely pretty much anything is these days!) I think it became part of popular vocabulary through the American pie movies

The women on here that think they move in ‘civilised’ circles but they have never heard men talk like this - no they just know to keep their gob shut around you

Fortunately my self worth isn't tied up with whether random men want to fuck me, so I wouldn't be pissed off.

The quiet ones are always the worst …

Doesn't the acronym MILF stand for "Mum Id like to fuck"? It did when I was at school, anyway. So calling someone's wife a MILF is literally saying I'd like to fuck that mum [your wife].

@ColinMyWifeBridgerton Well said.

Yuck imagine what other banter happens on there, these types of men are so simple aren't they.

Telling him he wants to fuck his wife is a " clap on the back"?
Of yes course : the wife is the possession of the husband. And he owns something that the other guy desires. That must be how that works.

It’s not taken like that though 🤷‍♀️

It’s a basically saying ‘your wife’s getting on a bit she’s still hot’ - banter/nod to the DH

’Mate I’d like to fuck your wife - disrespectful direct challenge to DH = punch on nose.

‘mate your wife is unfuckable’ - direct disrespect to both = punch on the nose.

It’s like ‘you alright’ meaning ‘hello’ - it’s taken in a different context

That’s how it’s taken - as a clap on the back.

Its not taken as a literal ‘I want to fuck your wife - can I have a go?’

Who cares? It's just a word and it's just a joke! 😂

Not interested in validation of my fuckability from random men I don't know!! Nor do I have a DP problem - just unsure about my reaction to being called this. I think I probably did overreact and that's on me so need to simmer down and not take it to seriously. I will be meeting the guy made the comment shortly so will see how it goes...

It’s a basically saying ‘your wife’s getting on a bit she’s still hot’ - banter/nod to the DH

Banter? Really? Disrespectful , ageist and misogynistic. But it's OK because DH isn't supposed to take it literally that he wants to fuck his wife?

MILF is one of those expressions that's become so common it's lost all meaning. Right or wrong, this kind of talk isn't uncommon (from both sexes, even if it's more damaging coming from men). I genuinely think your best bet is to focus less on your husband responding to this particular incident and focus more on setting clear expectations with your him going forward about what respect means for you.

Yes this - thank you

It's a compliment ffs

"I'd like to fuck her" isn't a compliment

I’m not saying it’s ok - BUT this IS how men behave. OK!!

I mean please do on a fucking quest to stamp out all misogyny but you’ll be gone a while.

Dont shoot the messenger because I’ve spent enough time around men to know why OP DH didn’t spontaneously combust or offer him to a duel because he called his wife a MILF. AND then TOLD her. He was proud another man thought she was attractive enough to want to bed.

Sad but pretty standard for men

OK!

Yep.

I'm amazed that so many of you are getting your knickers in a twist over this. All it means is that you're attractive despite being past the first flush of youth. It doesn't mean they literally want to fuck you. It's just a term that has stuck. Good luck to those of you who think your partners don't have lads chats too!

OP, would you prefer if you'd being called ugly, frumpy or described as someone who used to be attractive? If this actually happened I think you're enjoying the humblebrag and the lady doth protest too much.

This isn’t sexual assault, the poster was right and used a similar comparison.

I think you’re going way way over the top, which makes me wonder if you’re secretly pleased and just want to tell everyone, your response isn’t remotely balanced and he isn’t saying he wishes to fuck you, it’s not a great term but I’m sure you know it’s now just shorthand. He was being nice to your partner by complimenting you.