I'm a MILF apparently...

[JustAnotherIdiotAgain]

Just seen a WhatsApp chat (showed to me by DP) where I have been referred to by one of his friends as a MILF.... I'm fucking fuming. Trying not to overreact but the bloody cheek...
Personally I find this dismissive and insulting but didn't think I would be quite this angry. Happy to be told I'm overreacting but not sure I can let this slide!

I know that is the usual context - but in this case it is exactly what the OP's partner's mates have said.

Nice to have a male opinion and fully aware I overreacted initially. I won't change my opinion on what MILF means to me but I'm not on a crusade here - just trying to measure why it stung so much. DP colleague posted a screenshot from my Facebook on a group chat and referred to me there (plus a further derogatory comment of a sexual nature designed to 'keep me quiet'). Hence why I don't feel flattered. I have to meet this group shortly for the first time so am not looking forward to it knowing they have called me this. There are a million other things they could have said.

Did anyone pull him up on this? Will anyone when you meet @JustAnotherIdiotAgain What was the other comment?

Do other posters now feel the OP should be flattered if the man posted another derogatory comment about the OP. Or does this not validate the use of MILF was derogatory not flattering

No one in the group pulled him up but equally no one liked or responded in a jokey or positive way. There were several topics going on so hopefully it's been forgotten. The second comment was along the lines of 'nothing like a good xxxx and she will soon pipe down'. Can't really be flattered by that!

@JustAnotherIdiotAgain wow!

Do you have to meet this person?

Some people are too far up their own backsides, take it with a pinch of salt....it's just a way of saying someone is attractive.

Yes - unlike him I haven't formed a derogatory sexualised image of someone I've never met. Although might change my mind on that one now! 😂

@Poopyfish27 have you seen the other comment this charmer made?

She doesn’t say she’s desperate, she says it would be flattering.

It’s almost as if you’re misrepresenting what someone has said to try and prove your point. It would probably more more persuasive if you stuck to the facts rather than just making stuff up.

It’s a compliment, even if a bit crude. You’re a mother and you have just been called sexy. Work yourself up about things that mean something.

OK then : why would it be flattering to her for her DHs pals to tell her they find her sexually attractive? A lot of reasonable women would be mortified by that knowledge and would feel uncomfortable about it.
I wonder if she would be happy if her DH told his friend' partners / wives he thought they were fuckable?
My point still stands that if she really wants male validation from people other than her DH it doesn't say much about her marriage and if it's so important to her for random males to find her sexually attractive then going on Only Fans is a way to go.

"Someone said I was attractive, and I'm angry about it 😠"

’Reasonable’ is very subjective. It’s quite normal to be flattered by someone finding you attractive even if you’re married. Doesn’t mean you should be in porn.

The example of her DH telling his friend that is a false equivalence, unless you’ve misread and thought OP told her DH that she fancied his friend.

Another thing which might be considered ‘reasonable’ is someone expressing an opinion on something without deliberately misrepresenting what someone else has said.

Someone said she was attractive in a derogative/misogynistic way and she should be flattered, why do some women have such a low bar?

And what about the further comment this bloke made, what should she feel about that?

Well how am I misrepresenting when she said she would be flattered if her DH 's friends said she was a " Mother I'd like to Fuck" ?
Perhaps it is normal in some circles to openly sexualise the friendship groups and everyone goes round telling everyone else how sexually attractive they find ea h other.Not in the ones I've mixed in. That's why I'm assuming it is reasonable not to do this.

And as for your false equivalence point: I was not referring to OPs situation, as I'm sure you are aware. I was posing the question to the poster who wants her DH's friends to express her sexual attractiveness. Perfectly reasonable to ask if she is happy her DH " compliments" other women in the same way.

Ok so ive changed my mind,this weirdo copied a photo off your fb page and the milf comment was said,then made a comment about a good would shut you up,sorry but if one of my work mates did that to my wife in a work chat, im afraid he would be having a work accident. When you meet him pour a pint on him from me and 95% of the male gender.your DP should of slapped him for the 2nd comment.

Was referred as this at work party many moons ago, flattered/embarrassed. In your case i guess it depends if the person who used the term was a close family friend or not. I would be mortified if a man who i knew within my family's circle of friends used that term about me.

DP was not impressed by either comment (or the photo stealing). Just feel a bit humiliated this went on in a group chat I can't defend myself in but can be dissected like a piece of meat. I'll be a bit wary when I meet this particular circle of friends.

"hi John, I hear you've had a good look around my Facebook page, care to repeat your comments to my face?"

He's a creep, offer him the opportunity to embarrass himself in front of everyone (presumably including others' partners).

does the immature obviously still a virgin living in his mummys house,realise that stealing and posting a photo of someone without their permission is illegal due to copyriight law,ive also seen big men that talk like him about women,are the ones who run a mile if a women said hi to him,or start stuttering lol.put on your sexiest outfit for this meeting,and walk in and just say to him in front of a few others "the only way your babyhood will ever get near this milf is in your dreams,littleboy" and watch him melt into the background lol.good luck

Bless. So much ignorance.

We are seeing more clearly here the mentality of men who use these derogatory terms. Hopefully this might help the pick-me women on MN understand the misogynistic connotations and the mindset of the Neanderthals who say ‘milf’.

crumblingschools, which comment is that?

Word!

Some of the comments on this thread are astounding, as well as the results of this poll. Some men (lest I also get an accusation of "man-hater" lobbed at my head) have strange ideas of what constitutes a "compliment".

Also, just because you're a man, does not make your opinion of the situation more valuable than the women who disagree with you or who are on the receiving end of such "lad" behavior.

If that makes me a "man-hater" so be it.