Do you find this comment rude/hurtful?

[Greenwithenvyblues]

I was out with a friend yesterday for a meal. I wore a dress without any tights or anything. She looked at my legs and went “omg you are so pale!! I’d hate to be as white as you” 😳 sorry whattttt! I just laughed because I was shocked. I’m not extremely offended or anything but why would anyone say that? How rude!

It depends on the friendship. Personally, I wouldn’t care at all, but I can see how it would sound rude in some contexts. Presumably your legs are pale, but who cares?

Couldn't get worked up about it, I say the same about my own legs

Personally I would not care. I wouldn't be offended at all . But that's me

It’s the “I’d hate to be as white as you” that I think is rude. Like I say, I’m not massively offended but I’d never say to someone “I’d hate to be as _ as you” whether you’re offended or not, surely that’s still a rude comment to make to someone?

wouldn't really care, especially if I have pale legs

Nothing wrong with being pale. All skin colours are beautiful. But ‘I’d hate to be a s white as you’ is flat out rude. Even my young kids can understand we only comment on others bodies when giving compliments. Why would she want you to feel bad?

It’s a bit of a dick move on your friends part, is she usually insensitive? I wouldn’t fall out over it though.

I think that's awful, I'd be really upset by that..and yes as you say, not the pale part but the hate to be

Yes - it's a bit rude.
Probably said in the context that lots of people use fake tan nowadays.

Oh ignore all the cool, ‘it wouldn’t bother me’ bollocks. She said she’d hate to be like you. That’s massively rude and I’d be having calm but clear words about it.

Two minds about this. Wouldn’t bother me with my Scottish heritage 😁 but can see some would find it rude.
Rule of thumb, I don’t generally comment on other peoples’ appearance .

Yes of course it's rude and I'd be giving her a look.

Is she normally like this?

Would have hurt me if a "friend" said that when I was young, but now I'd probably bite back - it would be contemptible rather than hurtful. I'd also be tempted to say something like "Yeah, and I'd hate to be stuck in that witless 70s mindset that everyone has to have a tan, and the probable skin cancer as a result of it". (Australian, we have one of the highest rates of skin cancer in the world.)

For me not hurtful because there is nothing wrong with pale skin.
I would note that we don't seem to share the same values on this & maybe similar matters.

At best I would find it odd that she felt the need to comment. Would she have done the same if you legs were hairy, scarred, missing?

Does she ever say anything nice about your appearance @Greenwithenvyblues ?

Anyone saying they would "hate" a physical feature of yours is being very rude.
I have ginger hair and very pale and love both and would take a offence to some one saying hate relative to either of those. I don't take offence when people comment on my hair and skin as long as it's not dripping with malice

What aren't people getting. It's not the pale skin comment that's rude. I'm pale, its a fact of life, just like I am tall. It's the 'hate to be ' comment that was rude and totally uncalled for.

She’s never said anything like this before. But she isn’t particularly complimentary either lol

Is she generally a bit of a negger?

Wouldn't bother me , in fact I'd agree how pale I am .
I have ghostly legs and never wear tights

"Well I'd hate to be as insensitive as you"

It's the last sentence that is the problem. She was rude and personnel. Why did she think she could say this too you. I think to be honest it's a put down.
It's unfortunate but the moment to say did you mean to be so offensive has passed.
She may just have a big mouth.

I’m not sure what that means… just googled it. She’s always been a bit… off. Once she told me that she described me to the rest of her friends as “fat and ugly” because she thought it would be funny when they eventually saw me and saw that I’m not. Like.. that’s just not normal is it? In college she knew a guy liked me and so she wrote on my Facebook wall “seeing as you are in love with (name) I think you should ask him out” I begged her to take it down because I knew he would see the comment and didn’t want him to think I liked him back and give him false hope. Plus it was just embarrassing! But the more I asked her to take it down, the more she laughed

Oh, she just sounds like an out-and-out bitch. She's no friend. Why do you spend time with her?

She’s changed a lot since college. I did “fall out” with her a lot at that age. But always went back to her because she was pretty much my only friend lol and I did enjoy spending time with her when she was being normal. She hasn’t been like that for years until this comment