Do you find this comment rude/hurtful?

[Greenwithenvyblues]

I was out with a friend yesterday for a meal. I wore a dress without any tights or anything. She looked at my legs and went “omg you are so pale!! I’d hate to be as white as you” 😳 sorry whattttt! I just laughed because I was shocked. I’m not extremely offended or anything but why would anyone say that? How rude!

I'd hate to be like you is a rude thing to say.

I'm surprised anyone thinks otherwise tbh.

She basically said "I'd hate to look like you"?
It's very rude indeed!
The 16% of people who've voted YABU are the type of twats who say things like this and want to go on saying it without being called out. Incredibly rude.

"And I'd hate to be such a thoughtless, callous harpy!"

I am very pale, so commenting that my legs are pale would be a factual statement. It's the added "I'd hate to be as pale as you" that is rude, and I'm surprised that people are insisting it's a non-issue. This woman told OP - unsolicited - that her appearance is unattractive and undesirable.

The fact that it was "just" about pale skin is a red herring; it's no different to announcing "I'd hate to be as fat as you" or "I'd hate to have a nose as big as yours".

Incredibly rude

This! Really rude and mean. Jeez, with "friends" like that ....

No not at all.

She's not your friend, she is someone you hang out with, and there is a difference.

In essence she said, I would hate to look like you. This says much more about her than it does about you, but I'd be making some new friends to go out to dinner with asap. You feel hurt because she said it to hurt you.

Of course it’s rude! Saying your legs are very white is one thing as it is just factual (although this can be hurtful too in the same way that calling someone overweight can be factual) but to follow it up with as assertion that it’s not something she would want for herself is just plain nasty. She’s not your friend.

She sounds hideous. And rude. I’d bin that friendship off tbh.

It's the one upmanship factor, she is trying to show dominance. Especially with the Facebook in college stuff. It may have calmed down but it's still there. In some way she feels inadequate so putting others down elevates her ego. Peel back the layers you will find a very insecure person behind it all.

“I’d hate to be such a rude arsehole”

Saying what she said about someone else’s body is horrifically rude.

What the FUCK is wrong with pale skin? Seriously.

I was just about to say this. No matter what the topic is, basically saying “I’m glad I’m not you” straight to your face is so rude! It stinks of comparison, insecurity and bitchiness. You deserve better friends OP ❤️

Yeah it’s rude, but it’s showing her insecurities more than anything else!

Same. It's rude, she was being derogatory and it's unkind. I hate it when people say "you're so pale!" in some kind of horror (they never mean it positively). It's my skin. Would they say "you're so dark!" to a black person? Of course not. It's incredibly rude and I don't understand the posters here saying it isn't.

My FIL said this to me about 15 years ago

i immediately started crying (I rarely do) , this is how shit he made me feel
i took DH and left

he didn’t make one single comment since that day !

I agree that the 'I'd hate to be ...' comment is extremely rude. I remember, years ago, having a discussion about weight and I mentioned that my weight had crept over 10st. One of my colleagues exclaimed 'Jesus, I would rather die than be 10st'. I wasn't particularly offended, but I just thought her comment was incredibly rude and unnecessary. (I'd love to be that weight now tbf🤣🤣)

It’s not just rude (I mean it really really is rude) but it’s designed to make you feel insecure about your skin. She’s not a nice person @Greenwithenvyblues she seems to enjoy making you uncomfortable and self conscious. Find friends who build you up.

I'm as white as white comes with pure brilliant white skin and red hair. I love being pale, never been self conscious of it at all (and I grew up with people mentioning it all the time, constantly asking if I was 'ill' etc...).

I pretty much never go out without tights though as I'm self conscious of my legs so someone drawing attention to my legs would bother me, but not because of the 'whiteness' but because I already am touchy about my legs.

Yes the comment rude but the response to laugh it off or feel hurt really comes from your own views on your own body.

I wouldn't give a shit about this particular comment and would have told her so.

In general though, she does sound like a bit of a twat.

It's rude but it's also just a stupid comment so I wouldn't take it to heart.

I'm also pale OP and have had a few derogatory comments aimed at me over the years, ranging from "you really ought to get a tan" to "pale people are so unattractive it's a good thing your DH is asian so your DC will have nice skin" and other nonsense like "pale people look transparent". It's idiotic and personally I have never responded because I expect I would be called over sensitive by the type of numbskulls that make those remarks.

Up to you if you do want to say anything but she definitely was rude to criticise your appearance.

''I’d hate to be as white as you”' that part is really rude.

There was a meme about a super white woman blending into the sand that did the rounds a good few years ago. I was tagged in a lot. But no one said they'd hate to look like me. My legs do glow a bit but, some places I've visited thought it was beautiful, it gave me a different view of myself.

Tell her to feck off!! Also those other things she said she doesn't sound nice at all.

I bet she’s not perfect, who is? Next time you see her say “I’d hate to…..” picking out whatever her fault is, or even dream one up.
Petty, but we hardly ever think of a comeback at the time.

Ditto. My pale skin has often been the subject of discussion. A fave has to be “you’d be so pretty if you didn’t have freckles”. 🤣😂🤣

And not forgetting “You need some sun, you look ill”

Yes I agree with you here. It's not the comment on your appearance, it's her opinion about it. Who gives a flying fuck how she'd feel, she's not you! She sounds tactless