Do you find this comment rude/hurtful?

[Greenwithenvyblues]

I was out with a friend yesterday for a meal. I wore a dress without any tights or anything. She looked at my legs and went “omg you are so pale!! I’d hate to be as white as you” 😳 sorry whattttt! I just laughed because I was shocked. I’m not extremely offended or anything but why would anyone say that? How rude!

I had a friend who would just say whatever she was thinking, it was like she had no filter.

Some people just don't think before they speak. I wouldn't let it upset you too much

I wouldn't like this either. I've had years of people taking the mickey out of my white legs. Even a grown man who I used to work with used to say oh here comes old lily whites if I dared to show my bare legs. Imagine if you said to someone, I'd hate to be as brown/black as you. It's equally as insulting. I have learnt to embrace my paleness. I used to try to tan just to stop the comments but it wouldn't work. Irish heritage so I just burn or get freckles. You be proud of your legs and try not to let this comment get to you. I've just read your updates and it sounds like this person is jealous of you. I would say try to rise above it and know that you aren't stooping to her level by retaliating.

She’s a cunt, not a friend.

Yes, very rude OP. "As the fool thinketh, so the bell tinkleth" is an old saying which means 'some people just automatically express every dim thought with no filter'.

Here's one to say back to her (or others!) next time:

Well, fake tans are common and real tans are dangerous, so there!

It is rude , can you imagine the outrage if someone said "I'd hate to be as black as you"

Of course she was being rude. I'd hate to be like you is very offensive, even over something minor.
From your updates it seems like she enjoys putting you down. I wouldn't confront it. But I would majorly withdraw from the friendship

I hate comments like this because it’s almost implying things like this aren’t said to black people or if they are people get angry about it and a massive deal is made about it. No, comments like this are made often re. black people and others don’t bat an eyelid.

I assume they are both white so a white person saying “you’re so black” to someone who is non-white is not the same thing.

For the record I don’t agree with her friend and think she sounds massively unpleasant but she’s not racist, if she (assuming she’s white ) would’ve said it to a black person it would have been racist hence the outrage so you’re comparing apples and oranges.

A more sensible comparison would be a black or Asian person saying to a fellow black or Asian “look how dark you are I would hate that”

And trust me, comments like that are unfortunately said within the black and Asian community a lot! It’s not racism but it’s called colorism. Especially common with the older generations. The Indian caste system is even linked to colorism.

And colorism is much more deep than squealing against the colour of someone’s leg, it’s a prejudice against darker tones that can affect promotions, gaining employment, prison sentences, likelihood of getting married, being an actor, music artist etc hence skin bleaching is common in certain communities.

OP, this doesn’t sound like a friend. She’s negging you and might be jealous. I’d keep my distance.

It is definitely rude to comment on someone’s appearance in a negative way.

Oh, behave!

Nasty cow, even without your updates. It's flat out rude to pass comment on someone else's appearance in any kind of negative way, she must have been dragged up.

I've had so called friends laugh at my skin too in the past, they're no longer friends.

I only reasonable reply is to chuckle and say "I know what you mean, I would hate to be as rude as you".

dump this non friend OP, she is not a good presence in your life

“eh, i can tan my legs but you’ll always be a dickhead”

but you’re probably a nicer person than me :)

That's what I was thinking! I don't see how it's any different than someone saying they would hate to have eg ginger hair, a gap in their teeth- SHE is the one who made it out to be a negative then said she would hate to be the same, as if it's something bad that you should therefore care about. Rude for sure

That always makes me think "Not half as ill as with skin cancer."

“I’d hate to be as pale as you” is rude and hurtful.

I’m a pale person and had friends comment but it’s done in a jokey way like “wow you’ve blinded me with those white legs” hahaha. I don’t take it with any offence because it’s not meant in that way. But if they said “I’d hate to be like you….” In relation to anything I would be fumming to say the least.

Your ‘friend’ sounds like a dick.

From reading all your comments I would happily ditch said “friend”. She’s a nasty piece of work. You don’t need people like that in your life

I would definitely have said something back “I’d hate to be as haggered and sun damaged as you, oh yes and have the anxiety of checking every freckle or mole to make sure I don’t have skin cancer, how vain of you to literally die for a tan”

Really! If you find that offensive or rude i would say life is going to be tough! Sorry!

Like you, I wouldn't be massively offended but I would make a mental note that this was somebody to keep at acquaintance level and not trust. People who indulge in spiteful oversharing/negging usually seem to have other traits that aren't great either and I wouldn't trust them. Given your updates I would say that is definitely the case here - doesn't sound like she has outgrown it after all, and it is who she is. Horrible, competitive and enjoys putting other people down to make her feel better.

I've got a colleague like this - it is particularly bad when she's stressed about something/jealous of someone for some reason. Jumps as the chance to put people down/joke at their expense - sometimes so quickly that she ends up making a complete dick of herself by getting the wrong end of the stick/making assumptions. Latest was ott laughing when she thought someone had mispronounced a word - turns out she had been mispronouncing it. When she realised her face fell and she said nothing more - let alone offer an apology or joke at herself. Revealing. Describes herself as a 'people person' 😂.

I have had comments like this many times (I’m Scottish, very pale and don’t tan). It IS hurtful. It would be unacceptable to tell someone they’d “hate to have dark skin like you”! Any nastiness about skin colour is totally uncalled for.

You should of replied 'and I'd hate to be as rude as you!'

You would never, I hope, say to a black person, your legs are so black, I would hate to be you. It is rude whatever the context. It is basically saying you don't meet some criteria or you are repulsive in some way.

Does she look like Trump by any chance?

Of course it’s rude , “ I’d hate to be as white as you “. She is saying it’s bad as she’d hate it . Op if you came on here saying that someone said “I’d hate to be as fat/tall/old as you you’d get different responses , as if people wouldn’t be offended 🤣