Do you find this comment rude/hurtful?

[Greenwithenvyblues]

I was out with a friend yesterday for a meal. I wore a dress without any tights or anything. She looked at my legs and went “omg you are so pale!! I’d hate to be as white as you” 😳 sorry whattttt! I just laughed because I was shocked. I’m not extremely offended or anything but why would anyone say that? How rude!

It’s the latter part of the comment I find rude, saying she’d hate to be as white as you makes it a put down, I would perceive that as her trying to make you feel insecure. Not a very nice thing to do

Rude and it’s why my legs stay covered all year round.

She's a bitch.

Well imagine if you had black skin.

Would it be okay for her to say "I'd hate to be so dark as you!"

Anyone who is defending your friend, like some of the first posters on the thread, needs to think again.

I'm extremely pale and hate it but do not expect comments on it and would not be impressed by a "friend" who spoke like yours.

Get a nicer friend, she's nasty . 😏

The sooner people stop making comments about skin colour in general the better things will be for everyone. I’ve had so many things said and some in a ‘complimentary’way and it’s still made me uncomfortable (I’m black) and I just think skin colour should not be talked about it only causes people to feel bad somehow

It wouldn’t bother me but only because I’m very secure about my extremely pale skin - I burn easily so I choose to stay as pale as possible.

I know this because I had a subbed-addicted workmate who would comment on my milk bottle legs and general vampire complexion.

”You’re right, I should voluntarily damage my skin cells and increase my risk of melanoma to satisfy your tan fetish, you nutter,” was usually how it went.

She would also comment on my grey hairs. Again, I’m happy in my choices and could bat it back without a thought.

However, it is still bloody rude. Your friend is a judgemental idiot.

I am white as the driven snow and I had a friend who religiously self tanned and used sunbeds and was very tanned. She used to make snide little comments like this about my skin a lot too, "I'm so glad I'm not so pasty" "you basically glow in the dark!" "I'm so glad I'm not so pale and freckly, it must be so crap!"

Eventually I said "Oh I don't mind, at least I won't look like a leathery old boot by the time I'm 40!" - then all of a sudden I was horrible and cruel and a bully.

With people like this, if they can take what they're dishing out I don't have a problem with it. I have a friend and we're vicious to eachother, but it's light-hearted and we both give as good as we get. If they're the type who'll dish out insults but act all wounded if you bite back, I've got no time for them.

I couldn’t get worked up about that comment, but you clearly duslike her intently, as you are on line bad mouthing her to millions . So why pretend and meet up with her as a fake friend?

She sounds very immature.

I couldn't be around someone like that.

Yes that's rude. I wouldn't be going out with her again.

Of course she's rude.

I'm a pale ginger.

Fair enough if someone says "I'd hate to have to worry about burning as much as you do", because that bit does suck.

I don't think it's polite to say "I'd hate to have your skin colouring/nose/eye colour etc" though, it's just mean. Why would you want to make a friend self-conscious about something they can't help?

I remember being on a works night out years ago. An over tanned unattractive woman in her 40s was going on about a gorgeous lass who is very pale, saying 'god you're so white' etc. Lass didn't say anything but was obviously getting annoyed. I spoke up for her, something along the lines of stfu you jealous old crone. I was a similar age to older one. Anyway she shut up. We ended up getting drunk and all had a good night.

I'm not really sure why she felt like she had the right to comment on your appearance if you didn't ask for input.
Yes it's rude. Does she normally comment negatively on other people's appearances?

Very rude. Either she has no filter and just blurts out whats in her head, or she was trying to be unpleasant. You know best which is most likely. I'd have just replied 'That's the colour of my skin and I prefer it to tanning or fake tan. We all think different things look good, don't we?'

Nah, its about her dislike of herself. Not something I could get animated about in isolation. The other comments calling you fat and ugly etc, far more problematic. So, taken in that context, I can see it would cause offence.

I have pretty close, honest, piss-taking relationships with my good friends, and I still can't imagine any of us saying that to each other. YANBU.

Then you actually don’t.

I’m not sure what that means… just googled it. She’s always been a bit… off. Once she told me that she described me to the rest of her friends as “fat and ugly” because she thought it would be funny when they eventually saw me and saw that I’m not. Like.. that’s just not normal is it?

Ok, was going to say that I'd have to laugh back "nowt wrong with my white legs, much rather that than your orange look" or whatever.
This though?!
Wow, she's not a friend.
Not just a one off, was it.
She's a nasty cow you'd do well to be rid of.

This, she's a rude fucker who probably thinks she's funny. Perhaps she needs to put you down to feel better about herself.

You can do better than this.

She’s not your friend.

Sure, you'd know better than I do about me and my friends

It's the wording, and the 'tone', for want of a better word. We might say something like 'Scottish tan, eh?' with a grin and a wink. But 'Oh my God' and 'I'd hate to be...' are really rude, no matter what your relationship.

Yes like those people who say - 'You look tired!'

yes it's rude and no she's not your friend. None of my friends would ever make negative personal comments - we're usually saying how nice each other look/love their new haircut, that dress really suits you etc. Time to ditch this one unless this is a total one-off!