To think this wasn’t a joke

[FogChill]

And was actually quite a nasty comment?

I have just turned 40 and I was discussing with my partner that I am likely to start menopause in the next few years. My DM had terrible hot flashes and I said to him that he’s got all of this (sharing a bed with a heater) to look forward to. He immediately said - no way - I’ll just trade you in for a younger model who’s still able to get wet.

I’m absolutely upset that he has said this to me. I can’t believe that he thought this to begin with let alone said it. He’s now furiously backpedaling saying that it was a joke and that I need to get over it.

AIBU to be upset? I really don’t think I am.

The trading in part I'd find vaguely amusing if you are quite a jokey couple...if DH said it I would in no way take it seriously. But the "get wet" part? Grim.

If that's his idea of a joke I'd be asking myself some serious questions.

Like 'why are you in a relationship with a man who's sense of humour is so poor?'.

Completely agree. The last part is just horrid.

That's disgusting, the last part is just vile

The last part isn't a joke, it's disrespectful

Well this is absolutely what I am thinking. How have I misjudged the situation? Like he is clearly thinking these things so do I want to spend the next few years waiting for him to judge me about what is effectively a medical issue?

What a pig. Time to let him know you've had a think about it and would like to trade him in for a model with an adult brain.

Yes it's clearly a joke like sleeping with a heater was

The first part, just a joke. The second part? No that's just not funny or ok & is really fucking gross. A real 'men's locker-room' comment.

Not at all unreasonable to be upset! My jaw literally dropped. First part is bog-standard har-har humour which relies on the tone and mood it was said in to be funny. The second part however was completely unneccessary and quite frankly unforgiveable. It would take me a long time to get over a comment like that.

First part not funny and a bit crass but its a bit of a standard joke so I would probably just roll my eyes at that.
The get wet but is very grim though

The first part is something I'd take as a joke - the second bit is horrible! Unless you'd literally just mentioned that as part of the enjoy lying in bed with a heather comment, then that's come from some horrid part of his mind.

Dh makes reference to trading me in for a younger model sometimes, we both have a laugh about it - but we constantly rib each other and neither of us take offence. The last part of what he said was vulgar/crass, we don’t cross the line when we take the piss out of each other, that to me would be crossing the line.
Not sure how I’d react but I suspect probably the same as you.

The "get wet" comment would make my vagina slam shut forever more. I don't think I could ever find him attractive after that tbh and I'd cut him loose to find himself a "younger model".

Then I'd pray to the gods of karma that he'd never get it up again.

Oh gosh I’m sorry

Imagine if you said to him if he mentioned about getting bald or something “it’s okay I’ll trade you in for a new model”. Now imagine if you added “who can actually get it up” it becomes a crude dig that undermines him. So very unacceptable.

Tell him you’re going to trade him in for someone with a penis and brain and they know how to use both so much better than him!

As other posters have said, the "trade you in" bit is a fairly standard sort of joke and I wouldn't take offence, unless there's been some previous infidelity or something. But the last bit, jesus, what a vile thing to say. I really couldn't live with that, sorry.

That's a disgusting comment. What a knob!

The wet part is gross!

Wow. That's really horrible.

I did ask him how he would feel if I threatened to trade him in for a younger model every time he got ED (which is more frequent than it used to be given that he is over 50). He said he wouldn’t cry about it.

he just doesn’t seem to want to understand why I am hurting over what he said.

It was clearly a jokey conversation.

But the 'get wet'......totally grim!

I don't ever find the Trading in for a younger model "joke" comment remotely funny at all anyway, even though I know it is quite routinely used. Partly because I'm a believer in jokes often revealing a person's true feelings.
In this case OP's partner was disgusting and I would be looking at him in a different light.

Would he find it funny if you mentioned the likelihood of him having erectile dysfunction soon and that you'd leave to find someone who could get an erection?