To think this wasn’t a joke

[FogChill]

And was actually quite a nasty comment?

I have just turned 40 and I was discussing with my partner that I am likely to start menopause in the next few years. My DM had terrible hot flashes and I said to him that he’s got all of this (sharing a bed with a heater) to look forward to. He immediately said - no way - I’ll just trade you in for a younger model who’s still able to get wet.

I’m absolutely upset that he has said this to me. I can’t believe that he thought this to begin with let alone said it. He’s now furiously backpedaling saying that it was a joke and that I need to get over it.

AIBU to be upset? I really don’t think I am.

My husband and I have a very jokey relationship. Not once has he said he’d trade me in for a newer/younger model… Nor has he, given menopause is something I am closer to than you, joked about that in any way!!!!

How is your relationship in every other way? Does he still make it really clear he loves you and is there for you? If so it was stupid and pathetic and possibly a sign of his age. If not, this man needs to have a word.

He sounds like the adult version of the teenage boy who thought girls could wait till they go to the bathroom to start their period..

Gross comment, sounds like a vile man. Show him the responses on here so he understands how low people think of him. Do research HRT though so that you are fully informed (entirely for your benefit and not his!).

That's just so crass. Does he have form for this kind of comment?

There is hormone replacement therapy that can stop all the symptoms of menopause though.

Frankly, I wouldn’t even find the trading in part humorous. It’s funny how delusional men are about their own sex appeal…he has ED yet thinks he can get an even younger woman and also joke about his partner not getting wet? So delusional that it’s concerning!

Serious ick alert I'm sorry to say.

If he’s anything like my husband he gets all weird talking about women’s things so his ‘joke’ came from a place of sight nervousness and awkwardness. Perhaps I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt too much but I wouldn’t LTB over this!

Tell him he would be lucky if a younger model so much as looked at him, let alone tolerate him!

He's gross.

Just give him a nudge the next time he can't keep it up. It's not brewers droop. It's cos he's old, probably balding and a tw&t

The first part, funny joke. The second part, just..... no!

The first part really isn't.

It depends on the sort of banter you have with your dh. I sometimes joke about trading in dh.
Obviously it landed badly and he took it way too far and knew that ((you say he was “back pedalling furiously “ whatever that looked like)

It was I presume tongue in cheek to say “Well it’s all doom and gloom now dear- prepare yourself for me having an awful menopause” on your 40 th birthday. He retorted with a tongue in cheek comeback.

Its pretty unlikely you’ll hurtle into the menopause any time soon?

The nasty comebacks ridiculing his ED are fairly entertaining on here but obviously don’t follow that through.
Trying to hit back with something equally hurtful isn’t going to make you feel better.

If this is the nail in the coffin after a catalogue of crap treatment from him then that’s a different matter.

In hindsight, If his crass comment has simply confirmed your opinion of his genuine attitude towards you (respect for women in general) then you have a big problem.

Did you retort about him having to be able to get it up first for his younger model? Cheeky whatnot.
I wouldn't read too much into it now, it could be a poor attempt at humour. Do you have sarcastic humour exchanged between you normally?
Just be mindful of his actions and what he says if symptoms become a problem for you. If he's not supportive then, it needs to be discussed.
Regarding him being hurtful through his humour- tell him. He will hopefully be apologetic and think before he jokes in future.

Given that he's quite a bit older than you I would say that this was meant as a joke. I'd be very pissed off if mine made this "joke" though not at all funny. He's 6 years younger than me though and he'd know better than to go there !

still able to get wet.

/Boak

Time to start joking about baldy head. At least once. And then say it was a joke.