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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he had no right to tell me not to buy milk?

154 replies

notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 21:33

Walked home from dropping dc to school with dh today. I nipped in to a corner shop with the intention of buying some milk as it was a cold rainy day where I am and I was planning to make dc and friends they had coming for a play date hot chocolates after school (5 children in total if that is relevant).

I took it to the counter to pay and dh started barking at me in front of the shop assistant that we had a litre and a half at home already and I was being wasteful. He told me to put it back, I didn’t. He then reached for it and I told him I was buying it because it was my choice to buy it.

Bearing in mind the 5 cups of hot chocolate, teas and coffees and 2 bowls of cereal the next morning for dc1 and dh, there would be very little left from a litre and a half and I have no plans to go to the shops tomorrow!

OP posts:
Tatumm · 11/10/2023 21:36

Goodness, YANBU, he’s a controlling arse.

vodkaredbullgirl · 11/10/2023 21:36

Does he know that you can freeze milk?

Gnomegnomegnome · 11/10/2023 21:37

Mumsnet is a funny place tonight.

Buy a cow and be done with it.

vodkaredbullgirl · 11/10/2023 21:38

Gnomegnomegnome · 11/10/2023 21:37

Mumsnet is a funny place tonight.

Buy a cow and be done with it.

It sure is.

Mum2jenny · 11/10/2023 21:38

He’s a controlling twat

AutumnCrow · 11/10/2023 21:40

And then the pwincess ran away wif the wing and the sky fell down and it was lovely and the big boy had a worm

Fionaville · 11/10/2023 21:40

Unless you are regularly throwing away milk, he's an absolute dick.

Original poster
notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 21:44

Gnomegnomegnome · 11/10/2023 21:37

Mumsnet is a funny place tonight.

Buy a cow and be done with it.

It’s a funny place every night! This wasn’t funny, I’m still feeling really shit about it.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 11/10/2023 21:46

@notmilkingit are things really, really tight maybe ? because that's absolutely nuts behaviour

Original poster
notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 21:50

Crikeyalmighty · 11/10/2023 21:46

@notmilkingit are things really, really tight maybe ? because that's absolutely nuts behaviour

No they’re not ridiculously tight. Definitely not too tight to buy milk!

He can be a dick at times (I’m sure most people, including myself can be) but I was shocked by how controlling he was.

OP posts:
Millybob · 11/10/2023 21:50

I suppose the normal response would be, 'No, I need it for hot chocolate.'
Rather than, 'It's my choice to buy it.'
Did you bark too? Or just snap?

Original poster
notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 21:51

Millybob · 11/10/2023 21:50

I suppose the normal response would be, 'No, I need it for hot chocolate.'
Rather than, 'It's my choice to buy it.'
Did you bark too? Or just snap?

I said that to him too.

OP posts:
FOJN · 11/10/2023 21:53

Why are you feeling shit about him behaving like a controlling arsehole. The shame should be all his.

Does he often behave like this?

I'm glad you stood your ground. Tell him he owes you an apology.

vodkaredbullgirl · 11/10/2023 21:54

Is he always like this?

FOJN · 11/10/2023 21:55

Millybob · 11/10/2023 21:50

I suppose the normal response would be, 'No, I need it for hot chocolate.'
Rather than, 'It's my choice to buy it.'
Did you bark too? Or just snap?

OP's tone after his attempted controlling intervention can hardly be considered provocation.

Trixiefirecracker · 11/10/2023 22:10

Is this really worth a thread?!!

Original poster
notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 22:14

Trixiefirecracker · 11/10/2023 22:10

Is this really worth a thread?!!

Is it really worth you taking the time to reply?

OP posts:
Selfishlazyme · 11/10/2023 22:32

Can you really freeze milk ?

vodkaredbullgirl · 11/10/2023 22:33

Selfishlazyme · 11/10/2023 22:32

Can you really freeze milk ?

Yes I do it all the time.

Therealjudgejudy · 11/10/2023 22:35

So, your husband is a controlling twat then.

Hankunamatata · 11/10/2023 22:37

Unless you guys are skint?

Is he usually the milk police

Pixiedust1234 · 11/10/2023 22:42

I hear you OP.

My stbxh deleted programmes off the vbox because I hadn't watched the first series and he thought it might go over my head because I wouldn't understand. Never done it before so it totally stunned me.

QS90 · 11/10/2023 22:46

Hate to say it... there wouldn't be money worries he hasn't told you about?

Or, he was just in a bad mood for some other reason.

Either way, being an arse. I'd be irked too. What has he said for himself since?

Original poster
notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 22:52

QS90 · 11/10/2023 22:46

Hate to say it... there wouldn't be money worries he hasn't told you about?

Or, he was just in a bad mood for some other reason.

Either way, being an arse. I'd be irked too. What has he said for himself since?

We both agreed to drop it as we weren’t getting anywhere. He’s acting like nothing happened. The closest I got to an apology was him saying he shouldn’t have said it in front of the shop assistant. He denies reaching for the milk though! I do need to leave it be, just pissed off. He is under a lot of stress with work (in terms of being busy).

OP posts:
C1N1C · 11/10/2023 23:05

I can see both sides here. I do the shopping and my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task. She'll have a craving for say a sandwich and buy 10 ingredients costing £20, and will never return to those ingredients after she's made her sandwich as "she's not a snacker". Those ingredients will all go off in the fridge over the next few days. I'll buy what I need, know exactly what is in the fridge, and use all of it before it's use by date.

So if OP's hubby genuinely thought the amount of milk you already had was more than enough for what he believed it would be used for on the coming days, he had a right to speak up.

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative.