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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he had no right to tell me not to buy milk?

154 replies

notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 21:33

Walked home from dropping dc to school with dh today. I nipped in to a corner shop with the intention of buying some milk as it was a cold rainy day where I am and I was planning to make dc and friends they had coming for a play date hot chocolates after school (5 children in total if that is relevant).

I took it to the counter to pay and dh started barking at me in front of the shop assistant that we had a litre and a half at home already and I was being wasteful. He told me to put it back, I didn’t. He then reached for it and I told him I was buying it because it was my choice to buy it.

Bearing in mind the 5 cups of hot chocolate, teas and coffees and 2 bowls of cereal the next morning for dc1 and dh, there would be very little left from a litre and a half and I have no plans to go to the shops tomorrow!

OP posts:
samqueens · 12/10/2023 22:56

Sorry OP 💐 you’ve nothing to feel bad about. If this happens a lot (the feeling bad because of a small thing he pounces on, him acting like there’s no issue or he’s the victim etc) then I really recommend reading (discreetly) Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. You can download on kindle app/Apple Books. Hopefully it won’t reasonate with you and this is an isolated incident. But just in case…
Sometimes something that seems really trivial can be the tip of a bigger iceberg.

billy1966 · 12/10/2023 23:06

Perfect28 · 12/10/2023 06:25

Your husband is controlling, which is abusive.

This would be my take too.

I doubt it is in isolation.

It is not normal behaviour at all.

OP, ring Women's aid for a chat if you feel confused.

I simply cannot fathom a situation in a normal healthly relationship where such behaviour would happen.

Zanina · 12/10/2023 23:09

For the next couple of weeks, send him on last minute shop for milk. Maybe then he will appreciate milk being kept stocked

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 12/10/2023 23:18

@BeavisMcTavish

Mumof2teens79
Did you tell him why you were going into the shop? I am struggling to picture this interaction where he didn't know what was happening till you got to the counter

It may have gone better like this
Outside the shop
"Let's just pop in here to get some more milk"
"We have milk at home"
"Yeah but DC have friends over later and I was gonna make hot chocolate so we'll need more"

....oh,OK then

I did tell him why but he was looking at his phone and obviously not paying attention. I said then why I was getting it too!

OP's own words

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 12/10/2023 23:21

Well I was clear I was referring to the original post - no time in my life to read drips.

If you don't read all OP posts, you're gonna look rather foolish. Back-pedalling faster than a clown on a unicycle GrinGrinGrin

ImustLearn2Cook · 13/10/2023 04:33

@notmilkingit YANBU. I would have been tempted to lean towards the shop assistant and say, “I’m sorry but I have never met that man in my life.” Then look at him like he was some sort of crazy person. Then pay for the milk and walk off.

And if he got upset at that I would say to him, “I don’t know you! You’re nothing like my actual husband who would never treat me like that.”

BeavisMcTavish · 13/10/2023 06:51

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 12/10/2023 23:18

@BeavisMcTavish

Mumof2teens79
Did you tell him why you were going into the shop? I am struggling to picture this interaction where he didn't know what was happening till you got to the counter

It may have gone better like this
Outside the shop
"Let's just pop in here to get some more milk"
"We have milk at home"
"Yeah but DC have friends over later and I was gonna make hot chocolate so we'll need more"

....oh,OK then

I did tell him why but he was looking at his phone and obviously not paying attention. I said then why I was getting it too!

OP's own words

Yeah, we’ve done this one to death. That was in a drip feed. The Original Post gives nothing to indicate the fella was aware.

As I’ve said I’m nearly every reply, the guy reacted like a 🛎️, but judging solely on the info as provided in the OP it wasn’t at all surprising to see lots of confusion and confrontation/ passive aggressiveness.

OrdinaryGirl · 13/10/2023 07:20

You don’t have a milk issue, you have a controlling, disrespectful husband issue 🥺

IndysMamaRex · 13/10/2023 08:42

Wtf? I’d be asking him if he’s ok cos that’s a weird reaction. If he’s normally like that then he’s a t**t & have a word with him

ImustLearn2Cook · 13/10/2023 10:34

For all pp making some kinda issue out of “drip feed.” Can you not?

It is unnecessary accusations of “drip feed” that leads to unnecessarily looooooooong OP’s.

In this case it is not a drip feed; it is just additional information as part of a conversation in answer to queries.

A true drip feed is when absolutely vital information has been withheld. Which is not the case for this thread.

So, in all sincerity, DFODs with your drip feed accusations!

If you just want to comment on an article that contains all the information then go to the fucking daily mail and post there.

Rant over MF’s!

Mummyof4Ireland · 13/10/2023 15:33

No matter his reasons behind it, money problems or a fridge full of milk at home, he had no right to speak to you like that at all never mind in front of other people and as a PARTNER has no right to tell you what you can or can't buy!!

beanii · 13/10/2023 17:00

Leave him.

Don't make excuses - leave now.

If someone is willing to treat you like that in public - over a carton of milk then you're in trouble.

Be honest - by posting here, you already know it deep down.

Lolaandbehold · 13/10/2023 18:47

Your husband sounds like a cunt. Sorry.

Janey331 · 13/10/2023 18:59

C1N1C · 11/10/2023 23:05

I can see both sides here. I do the shopping and my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task. She'll have a craving for say a sandwich and buy 10 ingredients costing £20, and will never return to those ingredients after she's made her sandwich as "she's not a snacker". Those ingredients will all go off in the fridge over the next few days. I'll buy what I need, know exactly what is in the fridge, and use all of it before it's use by date.

So if OP's hubby genuinely thought the amount of milk you already had was more than enough for what he believed it would be used for on the coming days, he had a right to speak up.

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative.

Your poor wife, you do sound a bit of a scrooge, I bet she has to justify every request she makes for you to put something on the shopping list! Sometimes, it's nice to have a treat, not just to eat to survive!

BooBooDoodle · 13/10/2023 19:37

Red flag central. Not only is he controlling you, he’s actually humiliated you publicly all for a bottle of milk. How does he treat your child if he openly does this with you? For the sake of your child and you, please leave this dickhead.

Tigger1895 · 13/10/2023 19:49

Did you have enough milk for his breakfast and lunch today?

Missingpop · 13/10/2023 21:37

Woah I’m shocked at how exciting your life is love; you should have told the miserable old sod to fuck off & stop trying to be a control freak it might work on the dog but your his wife his equal so shut up & back off 😂😂😂

Original poster
notmilkingit · 13/10/2023 21:49

Tigger1895 · 13/10/2023 19:49

Did you have enough milk for his breakfast and lunch today?

There was a trickle left after his cereal yesterday. Would you believe when I opened the new carton to make a coffee it had gone off? Badly off. The date on it was the 18th. Fecking Sod’s law.

Thanks to those who have been kind and offered advice on the thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
notmilkingit · 13/10/2023 21:50

Missingpop · 13/10/2023 21:37

Woah I’m shocked at how exciting your life is love; you should have told the miserable old sod to fuck off & stop trying to be a control freak it might work on the dog but your his wife his equal so shut up & back off 😂😂😂

You sound lovely. Hope you’re enjoying your exciting night in on mumsnet (like I am).

OP posts:
nanamoo · 13/10/2023 22:39

Selfishlazyme · 11/10/2023 22:32

Can you really freeze milk ?

Yep, semi-skimmed or skimmed freezes better than whole milk. Whole milk tends to split once defrosted and cream part goes a bit lumpy, it's still fine to use, it's just not as nice.

My mum used to order 30 pints at a time from the milk lady. (we lived very rural and the milk lady was over 20miles away) She'd freeze it on the day she got it and only take out 1 or 2 pints at a time when needed.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 13/10/2023 22:56

I would be mortified if he acted like this to me all controlling in front of the shop keeper also. Even if you have 10 pints of milk you can buy 10 more if you want or feel like it. Maybe talk to him in a day or two calmly and ask him why he got so angry and controlling if this is not how he normally is or behaves. Hope the kids had fun and enjoyed their hot chocolate.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 13/10/2023 22:58

Talking about milk anyone else remember getting the lovely glass bottles of milk delivered and everyone wanting the first bit as all creamy. Many a moon ago.

T1Dmama · 13/10/2023 23:08

Yes remember fighting with my siblings over who would get the creamy bit on their cornflakes 😂😂

ErrolTheDragon · 13/10/2023 23:32

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 13/10/2023 22:58

Talking about milk anyone else remember getting the lovely glass bottles of milk delivered and everyone wanting the first bit as all creamy. Many a moon ago.

We were getting it during lockdown.

Pixiedust1234 · 14/10/2023 00:22

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 13/10/2023 22:58

Talking about milk anyone else remember getting the lovely glass bottles of milk delivered and everyone wanting the first bit as all creamy. Many a moon ago.

Yes. The blue tits used to beat us to it 😥

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