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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he had no right to tell me not to buy milk?

154 replies

notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 21:33

Walked home from dropping dc to school with dh today. I nipped in to a corner shop with the intention of buying some milk as it was a cold rainy day where I am and I was planning to make dc and friends they had coming for a play date hot chocolates after school (5 children in total if that is relevant).

I took it to the counter to pay and dh started barking at me in front of the shop assistant that we had a litre and a half at home already and I was being wasteful. He told me to put it back, I didn’t. He then reached for it and I told him I was buying it because it was my choice to buy it.

Bearing in mind the 5 cups of hot chocolate, teas and coffees and 2 bowls of cereal the next morning for dc1 and dh, there would be very little left from a litre and a half and I have no plans to go to the shops tomorrow!

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 11/10/2023 23:07

Selfishlazyme · 11/10/2023 22:32

Can you really freeze milk ?

Yep

Mumof2teens79 · 11/10/2023 23:10

Did you tell him why you were going into the shop? I am struggling to picture this interaction where he didn't know what was happening till you got to the counter

It may have gone better like this
Outside the shop
"Let's just pop in here to get some more milk"
"We have milk at home"
"Yeah but DC have friends over later and I was gonna make hot chocolate so we'll need more"

....oh,OK then

Nanny0gg · 11/10/2023 23:15

notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 22:14

Is it really worth you taking the time to reply?

Show quote history

What happened when you got home with it?

Did he say anything else?

Nanny0gg · 11/10/2023 23:17

C1N1C · 11/10/2023 23:05

I can see both sides here. I do the shopping and my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task. She'll have a craving for say a sandwich and buy 10 ingredients costing £20, and will never return to those ingredients after she's made her sandwich as "she's not a snacker". Those ingredients will all go off in the fridge over the next few days. I'll buy what I need, know exactly what is in the fridge, and use all of it before it's use by date.

So if OP's hubby genuinely thought the amount of milk you already had was more than enough for what he believed it would be used for on the coming days, he had a right to speak up.

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative.

if I wanted to buy some food and my DH objected, I would not be standing there giving him chapter and verse about why I needed/wanted it and how it would be used.

I'd just bloody buy it!

Abitslow · 11/10/2023 23:18

Right 🍿🍿
Maybe you're both stressed and the milk sent him over the edge today.

  1. Id have told him to go fu*k him self.
  2. apology over milk id have laugh .
  3. A thread about really.
  4. Its the 4 post today that reminds me why I chose to be single.

Mumsnet is full of it never no whats next.

TheShellBeach · 11/10/2023 23:19

Selfishlazyme · 11/10/2023 22:32

Can you really freeze milk ?

Yes, but not in bottles!

TheShellBeach · 11/10/2023 23:21

C1N1C · 11/10/2023 23:05

I can see both sides here. I do the shopping and my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task. She'll have a craving for say a sandwich and buy 10 ingredients costing £20, and will never return to those ingredients after she's made her sandwich as "she's not a snacker". Those ingredients will all go off in the fridge over the next few days. I'll buy what I need, know exactly what is in the fridge, and use all of it before it's use by date.

So if OP's hubby genuinely thought the amount of milk you already had was more than enough for what he believed it would be used for on the coming days, he had a right to speak up.

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative.

It's a lot quicker to say "it's my choice".

Pixiedust1234 · 11/10/2023 23:23

My mum could freeze the green top successfully but I couldn't with the blue top. Always came out lumpy (after being defrosted properly before anyone asks 😂)

Mummy08m · 11/10/2023 23:27

In our household it's dh's job to clear rotten stuff from the fridge (I hate that job) so he does kind of prompt me not to buy stuff that he thinks won't get used.

Does that apply to you, op?

Original poster
notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 23:28

Mumof2teens79 · 11/10/2023 23:10

Did you tell him why you were going into the shop? I am struggling to picture this interaction where he didn't know what was happening till you got to the counter

It may have gone better like this
Outside the shop
"Let's just pop in here to get some more milk"
"We have milk at home"
"Yeah but DC have friends over later and I was gonna make hot chocolate so we'll need more"

....oh,OK then

I did tell him why but he was looking at his phone and obviously not paying attention. I said then why I was getting it too!

OP posts:
Original poster
notmilkingit · 11/10/2023 23:30

Mummy08m · 11/10/2023 23:27

In our household it's dh's job to clear rotten stuff from the fridge (I hate that job) so he does kind of prompt me not to buy stuff that he thinks won't get used.

Does that apply to you, op?

I wish it did!

OP posts:
Pokinganose · 11/10/2023 23:32

It was disrespectful. If he had said oh haven't we got enough indoors? That's different. To actually reach across is undermining and controlling. You were totally in the right.
He was controlling.

AutumnWellyBootsandScarf · 11/10/2023 23:36

C1N1C · 11/10/2023 23:05

I can see both sides here. I do the shopping and my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task. She'll have a craving for say a sandwich and buy 10 ingredients costing £20, and will never return to those ingredients after she's made her sandwich as "she's not a snacker". Those ingredients will all go off in the fridge over the next few days. I'll buy what I need, know exactly what is in the fridge, and use all of it before it's use by date.

So if OP's hubby genuinely thought the amount of milk you already had was more than enough for what he believed it would be used for on the coming days, he had a right to speak up.

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative.

@C1N1C

'ALL he did was TELL you to put it back'

Well, he had no right to speak to her like she was a disobedient child. He's not her parent.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 11/10/2023 23:38

C1N1C · 11/10/2023 23:05

I can see both sides here. I do the shopping and my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task. She'll have a craving for say a sandwich and buy 10 ingredients costing £20, and will never return to those ingredients after she's made her sandwich as "she's not a snacker". Those ingredients will all go off in the fridge over the next few days. I'll buy what I need, know exactly what is in the fridge, and use all of it before it's use by date.

So if OP's hubby genuinely thought the amount of milk you already had was more than enough for what he believed it would be used for on the coming days, he had a right to speak up.

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative.

No, a normal conversation may involve the husband saying "I think we've got quite a lot of milk still." and her replying "I'm going to make hot chocolate, so I'm getting some more just in case."
End of story.

BellaAndDave · 11/10/2023 23:46

C1N1C · 11/10/2023 23:05

I can see both sides here. I do the shopping and my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task. She'll have a craving for say a sandwich and buy 10 ingredients costing £20, and will never return to those ingredients after she's made her sandwich as "she's not a snacker". Those ingredients will all go off in the fridge over the next few days. I'll buy what I need, know exactly what is in the fridge, and use all of it before it's use by date.

So if OP's hubby genuinely thought the amount of milk you already had was more than enough for what he believed it would be used for on the coming days, he had a right to speak up.

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative.

my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task

Oh for goodness sake it’s bloody milk the OP was talking about. Are you always so controlling in planning ‘tasks’ 🙄

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative

If my DH had told me to put something back there would have been a massive issue, probably because I’m not a little woman and I’m more than capable of making my own decisions on what to buy. FFS people don’t need to be micromanaged on every day life.

caringcarer · 11/10/2023 23:46

If he'd have kept on like that to me I'd have left the shop gone home and used all the milk up making hot chocolate for DC and their friends. He would have gone without.

Topsyturvy78 · 11/10/2023 23:53

We go through milk like water in our house making hot chocolates. Don't have much left from a 4 litre. Next time send him out first thing in the morning if there's non for breakfast. Nothing wrong with planning ahead.

ErrolTheDragon · 11/10/2023 23:59

How is buying some more milk 'wasteful' anyway even if it wasn't all/mostly going to be made into the extra hot chocolates (5x 200ml, small mugful, is a whole litre) - milk keeps quite a long time in the fridge.

TiredRetired · 12/10/2023 00:14

Hmmm. you mention he is busy and stressed at work.
When my OH stress levels are high he can get very controlling. It’s like things were running away with him at work so he would try to order everything else - down to re- loading the dishwasher because it hadn’t been done right.
it’s infuriating but cut him some slack.Get him knitting or some other practical hobby to get his mind off work.

miniegg3 · 12/10/2023 00:22

Well when he goes to use your milk, tell him to piss off.

Seriously though, it sounds like very aggressive behaviour, is he always so controlling?

neilyoungismyhero · 12/10/2023 00:22

I am married to a controlling arsehole and he has behaved in a similar fashion but never at the till and in front of people. My view is how fucking dare he be so disrespectful and embarrassing. I would have told him too but appreciate not everyone would feel the same need.

aloris · 12/10/2023 00:39

C1N1C · 11/10/2023 23:05

I can see both sides here. I do the shopping and my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task. She'll have a craving for say a sandwich and buy 10 ingredients costing £20, and will never return to those ingredients after she's made her sandwich as "she's not a snacker". Those ingredients will all go off in the fridge over the next few days. I'll buy what I need, know exactly what is in the fridge, and use all of it before it's use by date.

So if OP's hubby genuinely thought the amount of milk you already had was more than enough for what he believed it would be used for on the coming days, he had a right to speak up.

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative.

Who can come up with that sort of analysis when confronted in the moment with a hostile action such as her husband's? Why should she walk around with mental reckonings predicting exactly how much milk the family will use tomorrow? OP should not NEED to defend such a small action as buying milk. Milk is a staple. More than likely it'll get used up before it goes bad. It's not like she's buying caviar. And also, she's an adult. She shouldn't have to ask her husband's permission to buy milk. It's oppressive to have to justify every little tiny choice in your day as if someone else is your supervisor, or God. Yes, it's controlling.

Good grief.

Hawkins0009 · 12/10/2023 00:41

very odd behaviour

crumblycrust · 12/10/2023 01:01

@C1N1C 'All he did was tell you to put it back' – do you really order your wife to do things like she's a little girl? And then physically reach out to control her purchase if she is naughty and disobedient? I feel sorry for the both of you... My husband and I remind/inform/even nag each other about things, but as adult equals.

SquirrelFeeder · 12/10/2023 02:03

C1N1C · 11/10/2023 23:05

I can see both sides here. I do the shopping and my wife is 'less experienced' with the planning that is required for the task. She'll have a craving for say a sandwich and buy 10 ingredients costing £20, and will never return to those ingredients after she's made her sandwich as "she's not a snacker". Those ingredients will all go off in the fridge over the next few days. I'll buy what I need, know exactly what is in the fridge, and use all of it before it's use by date.

So if OP's hubby genuinely thought the amount of milk you already had was more than enough for what he believed it would be used for on the coming days, he had a right to speak up.

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative.

You sound incredibly controlling also 😳

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