To think he had no right to tell me not to buy milk?

[notmilkingit]

Walked home from dropping dc to school with dh today. I nipped in to a corner shop with the intention of buying some milk as it was a cold rainy day where I am and I was planning to make dc and friends they had coming for a play date hot chocolates after school (5 children in total if that is relevant).

I took it to the counter to pay and dh started barking at me in front of the shop assistant that we had a litre and a half at home already and I was being wasteful. He told me to put it back, I didn’t. He then reached for it and I told him I was buying it because it was my choice to buy it.

Bearing in mind the 5 cups of hot chocolate, teas and coffees and 2 bowls of cereal the next morning for dc1 and dh, there would be very little left from a litre and a half and I have no plans to go to the shops tomorrow!

All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful). Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here". Your response of "it's my choice" is actually more argumentative
Why the hell can he tell her to put it back and that's ok? That's what you say to your five year old who's grabbed a lolly, not your partner. He should have asked said something like, "we've got milk at home do we really need more?" That's a respectful way to interact with your partner. Then OP could have said why she needed more milk.

If this is a weird one off and he's stressed OP I'd let it go, but if it's part of a bigger pattern it could be a red flag.

mr £1.85 HAS reached his potential.
I quite possibly have issues with being told what to(not)do. yadda yadda hot chocolates /cereal in morning.Good mumming. Providing is...fantastic(we should normalize it)
After we ditch questioning our own ability to make even(overdose)milk purchases.
he needsda mooooooooove wi times/moooooooooove out.whatever

There's a big difference between DH saying 'I think we have milk at home already' and 'put the milk back', let alone going to grab it.

He sounds like a controlling arse. I can't believe people are defending him.

It's better to use a few mls before freezing as liquid expands in the container and possibly split the packaging

Disagree. This shopper sounds like they have shopping organised and the wife sounds impulsive and wasteful.

He sounds like a twat, why would he show you up over something so cheap and usable as milk?

Cos he’s a twat that’s why

Why would someone make a fuss about milk?

It's a relatively cheap item, lasts for quite a long time and people go though lots of it. We're a household of 4 and end up buying a big bottle of milk every other day at least. It's not like it's going to be sitting in the fridge mouldering.

It's not necessary to have the purchase of every quart of milk pre-planned like a military operation, nor to criticize someone as "impulsive and wasteful" if she buys a quart outside of her husband's predetermined schedule. That is merely an excuse to rationalize controlling behavior. Also, she did actually have a good reason for buying extra milk, it's just that her husband expected her to provide a codified petition to justify less than two pounds worth of groceries as if he was the owner of all their money and she was merely a servant living in his home. Disgusting.

There is such a vault of rank misogyny lurking in some people that it really makes me afraid of what happens whenever laws protecting women are weakened.

@C1N1C he's got no bloody right to TELL her to put it back - he's not her ruler!

Your attitude stinks. I reckon your wife deliberately over buys just to piss you off and is secretly flicking you the V's behind your dictatorial, condescending back.

Today I brought two loaves of bread when I was out for swimming. When I got home we already had a loaf of bread. DH said nothing cause it doesn't matter and he knows bread will get eaten.

Both you and the OP’s ‘hubby’ are controlling. I hope both the OP and your wife gets away from you both.

@C1N1C
Do you really expect your wife to react like this and if she doesn’t, you think you can override her?

Do you realise that not all women are automatons and able to explain so eloquently when confronted, especially by a man?

We are products of the patriarchy. However, in situations such as these, a man can choose to go against the prevailing wind by talking kindly and softly to his partner / spouse.

Your husband is controlling, which is abusive.

This…

Pathetic behaviour all round. The OP is behaving like a child and basically says ‘because I want to and I’m not telling you why’.

Did he handle it like a grown up either? Nope, but talk about completely avoidable.

Before anyone says ‘she doesn’t have to run everything by him’, you’re right, but basic communication is normal in a functioning relationship.

@BeavisMcTavish how can you read this situation as her fault? No, normal communication isn't discussing and agreeing on every little mudane thing, that's control.

This has nothing to do with misogyny. I'd expect any partner/gender to do the same. The point is, OP didn't explain her reasoning, she just said 'tough sh!t'.

"Put 'x' back, we already have enough"

"No, actually you haven't taken into account a, b and c..."

"Oh OK, I was wrong, yep, let's get more".

The OP already stated she knew exactly how much she needed, so I don't understand why it would have been so difficult to say the above rather than 'tough, I'm getting it anyway'.

I think in this instance, it is as much about the OP (and many posters in here) feeling entitled, as it is the husband being 'controlling'. If this were a car... would your responses be the same?
-puts car in shopping basket-
"Put it back, we don't need another car"

"Ltb, your dp is so controlling!"

I actually pity some of the partners in here... Any partner is allowed to say no, man or woman, without fear of being called controlling. A healthy relationship is about discussion.

In truth, I think they're both in the wrong. Husband for saying a flat-out 'no' rather than "honey, do we actually need that much milk, I thought we had enough...?" ...and the OP for saying 'tough sh!t, I'm buying it anyway', rather than "yes dear, we normally have five cups of hot chocolate, teas and coffees, and 2 bowls of cereal... I think this is a sensible amount".

Thank god we women have men like @C1N1C to tell us what our 'correct response' should be and whether or not we deserve to make ourselves something as extravagant as a sandwich.

Surely the correct response is go fuck yourself, I'll buy what I want

I agree with @C1N1C on this one.

I'd have been unimpressed if my DH reached across to try to take the milk after I'd said I was buying it, but I don't think you dealt with the situation the right way either OP.

However, given that you have started a thread about it OP, I wonder if there's more going on behind the scenes that you're not happy with.

He was being an arse but also illogical. A litre of milk is about a pound but also will last a while in the fridge if unopened. We’ve cuddly got about 8 litres in the fridge and I have no worries at all about any of it going off.

This.

Imagine thinking it’s acceptable to tell someone the ‘correct response’.

Fwiw in my house dh might have asked if we definitely need the milk. I’d have said yes and that would have been the extent of the discussion. If he’d told me to put something back I would have been far more argumentative than op.

dh started barking at me in front of the shop assistant that we had a litre and a half at home already and I was being wasteful. He told me to put it back, I didn’t. He then reached for it and I told him I was buying it because it was my choice to buy it

Clearly he was a twat to start 'barking' at you. However, you could have easily said 'yes but ds has friends over so I want extra for hot chocolates'. That's it then.

If we were in a shop, dh picked up a bag of apples and I told him we already had apples so put them back - then he grandly stated that it was his choice and he'd buy what he wanted - I'd think something had come loose in his head.

Your dh may be a twat but you sound desperate to make a point and to revel in the drama. Such a tiny snapshot but one that indicates an unhealthy relationship IMHO.

“All he did was tell you to put it back (because he thought it was wasteful)”

“Your correct response should have been "we typically have two coffees, three bowls of cereal, and five bowls of porridge, and that easily comes to the amount we have AND what I am adding here".

No, he ‘barked’ at OP , told her to put it back and then started to do so himself.

It’s rude behaviour - Giving OP orders. and deciding for her what she needs.

OP’s response was not argumentative. It was her choice to buy it - based on a need he hadn’t thought about.

OP should not have to explain why she needs/wants to buy milk.

Lol, to what her ‘correct response’ should have been

Blimey if my husband barked orders at me in a shop I would just snap right back at him. You should have just told him it was for the girls drinks.

@C1N1C did you even bother to read OP post where she said she had explained why she needed more milk outside the shop but her husband wasn't paying attention?

That rather punctures your argument that she was in the wrong, doesn't it!!