AIBU about DD's gym knicker "shorts"?

[RiderGirl]

DD is just turned 13 and has taken to wearing "shorts" that I can only describe as looking like 1980's gym knickers in length, the literally sit in the crease of her buttocks. AIBU in saying that she isn't allowed to step outside the house wearing them? We keep falling out about it but I think they're wildly inappropriate!! To make it worse she wears them with a large t shirt and it just looks like she's in a t shirt and pants 🙈

I see loads of teens/ young women wearing them. It's the current fashion. I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

But then again I went out in hotpants, vest tops and stripper heels at that age!

I’d draw the line at anything that creates a camel toe, is actually up her bum crack, or not actually covering her arse cheeks,

The ones you posted do that so I think you have to pick your battles as they are all over the place right now.

Insist she gets another pair that doesn’t reveal the details of her vulva, and otherwise say they are not for polite society so out with her friends it’s up to her but not at general social events.

You also need to point out they do attract attention so best to avoid walking home alone at night in them (although by the time she’s old enough to do that she’ll know that/she’ll be wearing something else).

Why would you want to humiliate your child this way?! What a horrible thing to say to your daughter, teens are self-conscious enough.

Men are perverts no matter what you wear Women and girls were abused in Victorian times too.

Incident like friends taking photos or period blood leaking or poo/pee stains showing urghhh

Better get them wearing baggy dark clothing just in case. Maybe they should stay home when on their period. Ffs.

You find this horrible thing to say to a young teen but allowing her to go out showing her arse cheeks and camel toe is okay?
What has happened to our standards as a society!

Am I the only one who had a mother & aunts who would not let them wear certain things? It wouldn't necessarily be because something was revealing , they just had a more discerning eye.

No it's not the bum - it's the fanny at the front that is obvious.

She bought them herself (ordered off Shein or somewhere). For what it's worth I haven't got an issue with cycling short type shorts, short denim shorts, short skirts, crop tops, none of the above I couldn't care less. But when your 13 year old daughter wants to go out proudly displaying her buttocks and labia to the world then yes I have an issue.

She's had a fairly quiet upbringing and is very naive, basically I'm worried about the attention she is bringing to herself.

Yes men should be able to control their urges and the feminist in me says women should be able to walk around naked if we so choose. But the world isn't like that is it, and I want to protect my daughter from the wrong type of attention.

Agree, and if what they purchase isn't appropriate it should go back or be binned.

Throwing up one's hands with "i guess it's the fashion" is parental fail.

I saw a woman probably mid thirties wearing shorts like this in a motorway service station recently

They were right up her arse and I thought probably too revealing but she had a nice arse. Yes I did look twice

She bought them herself (ordered off Shein or somewhere). For what it's worth I haven't got an issue with cycling short type shorts, short denim shorts, short skirts, crop tops, none of the above I couldn't care less. But when your 13 year old daughter wants to go out proudly displaying her buttocks and labia to the world then yes I have an issue.

'Haha nice try, you are not wearing those, let me help you sort out a return'

@RiderGirl , take a photo for posterity, and in a few years when she's complaining about her own DD's skimpy shorts...

I have told DD that men shouldn't be sexualising her when she wears these shorts but that some of them will.
And boys definitely will.

I am twenty six years her senior and for all the mention of the nineties, unfortunately boys and men had not been wanking to porn since they were thirteen (Conservative estimate) when I was her age in 1997.

I won't sacrifice my daughter to (quasi) feminist ideology.
We don't live in a perfect world and I won't let her make it easy for her to be viewed as a sexual object before she understands the ramifications of this.

I have been honest with her about how males will be viewing the contours of her body if she wears these shorts outside of the gym, and possibly even in the gym. But they are gym wear so I have had to compromise somewhat in the interests of a continuiny reciprocal relationship with my DD.

Lose the battle to win the war.

I am aghast at those who are ok with this because "fashion, innit" 🙄

Her vagina is away. It's the vulva that's (almost) on show.

@HotSince82 well said.

Stripper heels at thirteen?

Oh well it must be ok then if you did it...

Tricky one. DD's school skirt used to be shorter than her blazer so I feel your pain.

Can you try taking her shopping for some shorts you both like? Denim shorts tend to have a bit more weight so even the v short ones aren't quite so figure hugging? Perhaps there's a brand she aspires to that you can treat her to?

I think you do need to be careful how you phrase this though. Talk of 'flaunting' or 'men's attention' will drive her the other way?

Funny how Nike and others haven't created the same fashion for men and boys isn't it..

@HotSince82 I agree with you, I don't walk through the common alone at night with my headphones on. Yes I should be able too but back in the real world. My DH wouldn't do it either.

Indeed.

It would be a big no from me, my 12 year old is starting to push the boundaries clothes wise too and it’s not the first time I’ve sent her back upstairs to put some more clothes on.

In an ideal world she should be able to wear whatever she likes, but we live in a world where young girls are overly sexualised by boys and men - I won’t be making that process easier by letting her show her arse and fanny. At 12 she shouldn’t have to know how to deal with the male gaze, she doesn’t understand the ramifications of men gazing on her in a sexual way - that will come with time. In the meantime she can wear what she likes at home, and wear appropriate gym wear when needed but street clothes need a bit more coverage than a pair of teeny hot pants and a crop top provide.

I saw similar over the weekend, but in this instance the girl looked preteen. Not sure if they were shop bought or she had 'customised' them with a pair of scissors but basically half her arse was on show.

I also think that you see many of the very young girls looking somewhat uncomfortable in these kind of clothes - tugging and pulling at them . They think they want to but then the reality of the High Street is maybe too much for them? Makes me think of Jodie Foster as the child prostitute. It actually makes me sad to think that these very young girls feel that this is how they have to be.

If there was a demand for them they would be cranking up those Chinese factories. I would imagine if any bloke walked into a pub wearing such shorts he would be laughed at.

Completely agree.

Whilst my DD has a lovely figure I have told her that it's not going anywhere...

She will still have her lovely shape when she is five or ten years older; when she is able to make the choices to wear whatever she wishes and can understand the consequences of her choices.

It's so sad that these children feel the need to equate sexual visibility with self worth.

I