What's the most wildly inappropriate thing to ever happen to you?

[badassbaby]

I'll start...
When I was 19 I was working as a waitress in a holiday hotel.
I was having a wild, incredibly exciting relationship with the hotel manager, who was a good 15 years older than me.
Guests would fill out feedback forms on the hotel.
One day my boss (Restaurant manager) called me into his office. He showed me a feedback form that stated the guests weren't able to get a proper nights sleep, due to incredibly load love making all night long from the room above them.
The restaurant manager then pointed out that the room in question was the hotel managers room (his boss)
I can't remember what I responded, but when I think about it now, what the hell was he thinking of?!? And why question me about it and not the hotel manager?
I had the arrogance of youth so of course carried on exactly as before 😂
So what's yours?

If you want to understand how brainwashed women are to think it's acceptable for men to comment on women's bodies, just read the disgraceful shitshow that is this thread; www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4677898-comments-from-friends-husbands?latest=1 . Where the OP is told she is a 'gossip' for feeling uncomfortable that a man whispered a comment about how she looked, and confided in a friend. Apparently, it is acceptable for men to pass comments on women's bodies, AND, further, if you feel uncomfortable, you're the one with the problem. If you confide to a friend, you are 'looking to stir up gossip'. Read the responses on that thread, it's absolutely heartbreaking how cool girl handmaidens these victim-blamers are.

was at a gig, was in the crowd so lots of people, felt by boob being fondled with, turns out was my older brother

was about 7years at a car boot, a wired couple tried asking me if I wanted ice cream and to go with them, i just walked off to find my parents

prob age 16. friend and i were in some gardens/park sat on a bench chatting- was dark. we noticed a figure running approaching us we ran as fast as we could to the exit where the street had lights, nothing happened but still rem how scared i was

dodgy gynae used his fingers to simulate a penis (back and forth) was not gentle and suspect was not clinically necessary. he knew i wasn't going to proceed with private treatment with him, felt like a f**k you

then there's the drunk blokes on nights out exposing themselves/ wanking and the creepy driving instructor touching my leg and trying to have conversations about sex

guessing it's an age thing, but the only incident i've felt assertive enough to call out was the gynae. I have a teenage DD and the thought of him examining her (or anyone else) the way he did me made me feel sick. unsurprisingly, he denied what happened and claimed I misunderstood. upsetting to pluck up the courage and then not believed or swept under the carpet. was really sad to read another patient review after me 'was rough, felt mistreated and violated' :-(

handful of my good friends been sexually abused. their lives never the same, mental health, drink...

the effects are so damaging

just read this. feel sorry for the OP. only she knows the context/ tone etc.

if it doesn't feel right... then something isn't right

interesting that we (myself incl) need validation to make sense of our experiences. it can be confusing even when it's obvious

This thread isn't about one sex being being kind or unkind.. All humans can be cruel and unkind.

It's about members of one sex systematically exploiting and degrading members of the other for their own gratification. They can do this because they are more powerful, physically and culturally.

Whether the individual people involved were kind or not is irrelevant.

Where to even start! Sure I’ll remember more but off the top of my head -
walking home from the pub at 16, licenced black cab pulls up and asks if I need a lift home. I explain I have no money (hence the walking). Cab driver asks where I live and says it’s not that far/I wouldn’t want my daughter walking the streets alone, offers to drive me home. Bit of polite chitchat about the weather, he asked my age (16). As I’m exiting the cab and thank him for the lift, the middle aged taxi driver says “come on then darlin show us ya tits, nothing in this life’s for free”
also aged 16, part time waitressing job.at a fairly posh local golf club. Middle aged chefs would openly talk about my looks (how ugly I was apparently and sing who let the dogs out at me), the size of my boobs, shout and swear if I ever made a mistake or sometimes just for simply being there, it went on and on. Everyone and I do mean everyone from management to my fellow young waitresses were aware of their behaviour and nobody said a thing, in fact I was looked at like I was mental when I once complained. I cannot imagine OH ever making pervy or unkind comments about a teenage girl or being that cruel to a young girl, nor can I imagine in this day and age anyone would openly behave like that! 20yrs ago it really was so different.

@Deemarie11 Have you read the thread?Can you see recurrent & pervasive themes? Abuse of male power enacted against women by men
Women with overwhelming belief they won’t be believed or knowing their position in misogynistic hierarchy
Some Anecdotes that woman you’ve met are just as bad?what’s your actual point? I mean read the room, now’s not the time to pipe up what about the men, and women are bad uns too. Don’t seek to minimise or get tangential because a thread about male power makes you uncomfortable

Actually you're wrong. The title doesn't say men in it It says what is the most inappropriate thing that ever happened to you.

The most inappropriate things that happen to us could have been done by a man or a woman.

We can definitely talk about what women have done to us on here

Don’t seek to minimise or get tangential because a thread about male power makes you uncomfortable

It was never a thread about male power though. It was a thread about the most inappropriate thing that has ever happened to us. During the beginning/middle of the thread there were quite a few examples that had to do with women. The majority of us have written experiences that have to do with men but that doesn’t mean we don’t have any that have to do with women either

Anytime there is a thread that reference male dysfunction someone inevitably says not all men! Women are terrors too. It’s a diversion and minimization of accounts about men. It sets a tone or inference that make dysfunction is overstated over reported as hey,women are ghastly too. I don’t think it’s relentless pursuit of fairness & neutrality to point out female dysfunction-I think it’s internalized misogyny. An immediate knee jerk reaction to defend men. I do think it’s tone deaf to read this thread and comment not all men.It’s not thread topic about men but The overwhelming perpetrators on this thread are male ,hugely so.

No one’s defending men and I certainly didn’t comment ‘not all men.’ Anyway I won’t derail the thread any further

Driving instructors. Mild compared to the posts here, but as a teenager my first driving instructor would often tap my thigh with a finger to tell me which peddle to use. Nothing more than that but I can't believe I didn't say anything, though I did find a new instructor.

An examiner, during my first test, made me feel very uncomfortable invading my personal space. On the next test my new driving instructor, he was lovely, offered to sit in the car on the test. I had no idea you could do that and felt much safer.

Late 1980s I was a student in a large city far from my home town.
I decided I needed to be able to drive so in the third year took up lessons with the first driving instructor in the phone book.
Could be grumpy but all seemed to go well and as I got better at driving his demeanour changed especially when he discovered I was a student far from home.

He took me out to an unfamiliar area one day and near the end of the lesson told me he just loved my sexy voice !

He then preceded to get his penis out and masturbate during my lesson.
As I had to keep my eyes on the road I didn't actually see too much but them he ejaculated over his trousers and over his side of the dash board.

He thought it was hilarious and proceeded to clean himself up using tissues from a large box he kept on the back seat.

I was terrified but tried to keep it light and told him it was a bit disgusting to which he told me he just couldn't help himself !

I was only a few lessons away from my test and I really didn't want to have to find a new instructor, so stupid me just continued !

He carried on doing this as well as ringing me at my student house, between lessons, and asking me to talk through the Highway Code book as it would help me pass the test. I knew he was having a wank as I was talking so I'd just put the phone down mid sentence.

I did pass my test thank god and after, he insisted on taking me out for a free celebration ride and I foolishly agreed. One final wank and I was as last rid of him and never saw or heard from him again.

I have never told a soul about this as I thought it was only me it had happened to but reading some of these harrowing posts it is sadly all too common.
Hugs to everyone else that have been blighted by these vile men.

Jesus wept @Gloriousgardener11 , that is absolutely horrific ☹️

This whole thread has been upsetting to read, so many of us with such awful experiences.

Up until recently I was wearing a lovely pair of rose-tinted glasses. I thought I'd had an idyllic childhood and great parents. Like I said, I've removed my rose-tinted glasses.

I had a terrible childhood, mainly at the hands of my older brothers. Calling me ugly instead of my name, throwing small dead animals at me, locking me in the coal shed, making me eat stuff I didn't like. There is still foods I can't stand the smell off. They just take me back. One of my brothers tried to 'sell' me to an uncle for a night. I was 7 maybe 8.

I am convinced something else happened to me. I vaguely remember going to a huge building with my parents and taking my clothes off and having photos taken. I asked my parents many times over the years but they never gave me a straight answer.

When I had my kids, before they could talk, I was nervous about people holding them, convinced someone would abuse them.

Oh my, this is genuinely terrifying. I’m so glad that nothing happened to you but the experience alone is enough to make you shudder. So sorry that happened to you and thank God you’re safe

One of the things that has struck me reading this is that there's always the 'not all men' comment, but realistically, if pretty much all women have experienced this multiple times, it is pretty much all men. The thing is, they don't see it - they see abuse and harassment as rape.
In pretty much every relationship I've had, I've been coerced into sex, or sexual acts that I really didn't want to do. I've found favourite photos of myself sticky and ruined as my partner at the time has wanked over them. I'm meant to be flattered, as it means I'm arousing. I've woken up to find myself being penetrated, both with fingers or penis. I've woken up to find I'm being wanked over. I've been pushed down to give blow jobs. They've 'slipped' and entered my arse 'accidentally', despite me being adamant that I do not want anal sex. I've been made to feel guilty for not wanting sex, I've been fucked for a long time until I'm so sore, and beyond, as he couldn't 'get off'. I don't know how many others have had this, but I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. All of my relationships have been with men who others would definitely see as nice, upstanding men, the 'good guys', those to be trusted.
In pretty much every job I've had, I've been groped, had comments about my breasts, had men press themselves against me, and in several I've been flashed at, asked to perform sex acts and assaulted.
Just walking, driving, going about my day to day business. I've been followed, commented on, propositioned.
I've been made to feel wrong and guilty about turning men down - clearly I've 'led them on' and as such am a slut who is asking for it.
Not all men?

The men commenting on this thread are so fucking dumb my GOD. It’s almost unbelievable

Ditto.

I could have written this from my own experience.

Women don't really get the spotlight shone on them as they are still protected by the image of the kind nurturing mother, but some of the worse behaviour I've witnessed has been by women to other women. That conversation still needs to be had in the media and in the cultural arena.

Obviously we're all shaped by our own personal experiences. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm lesbian, but I've always got on well with men and haven't experienced the extreme sexual abuse that others have highlighted here. I wouldn't described myself as 'butch' - physically or mentally, but more of a 'don't take any shit' type of person.

It's also very telling that in a recent poll the majority of women would still prefer to work for a man than for another woman.

About aged 18 I went with my best mate to a do at the local town rugby club. Her fella played for the team and I'd never met him or his mates (I only knew she had lost her virginity to him). We didn't see much of him that night and the lads spent most of the evening going outside to vomit so they could keep drinking, I was horrified, I had never seen such behaviour before. Finally we were going to leave (thankfully), she went to say goodbye to her boyfriend and I tagged along so as not to be left alone. He then launched himself at me, threw me onto the snooker table and faked having sex with me in front of all the club who thought it was hilarious. Still remember the absolute mortification as I scrabbled off the table and left.

See I'm a straight woman but I actually prefer to be in a conversation with a group of men than women.

Women may be less likely to sexually assault you, but I don't often feel comfortable in a friendship group of women only.

In a group of men, say in the pub, if they think you're speaking bollocks, they will tell you. Literally, "shut it, you're talking bollocks".

In a group of women, I find they will agree with each other and be all nice and reassuring. Then when one of them goes to the loo or leaves, they rip her apart!

I've experienced so much more divide and conquer with groups of women than men. I've been called some horrific things behind my back by women I thought were friends.

I remember going to a toddler group for the first time and I felt like I was back at school. It was horrible. When they were giving out tea and biscuits to us mums, I went to sit with a big group and tried to talk to them. They quite literally got up and moved! I was sneered at and made to feel like I didn't belong there. It was very yummy mummy, bugaboo strollers and Waitrose shopping in the fridge and I was more secondhand and Aldi!
In fact the only two people who chatted to me and were nice were two dad's who said they felt like the weird pair because the mums ignored them too.
These women said not one word to me but they made me feel so shit I never went back and so DD missed out on early interaction with other children because I couldn't stomach trying again.

In a "safe" group of guys (and I'm so married I don't think it even occurs to them to see me as potentially worth pursuing) I can debate and have a laugh and give my opposing view and it's fine.

I try to avoid being around women as much as I can. I honestly think a lot of women are cruel, nasty and evil. Women have absolutely ruined my life in the past

If I can choose to talk to some one who is going to be nice to me - a man, or someone who is going to be horrible to me - a woman.

Why would I talk to the the woman? I avoid women as much as I can. I work from home and i choose to have male friends only

Genuine question,are all women mean to you , or some or a majority?
If I can choose to talk to some one who is going to be nice to me - a man, or someone who is going to be horrible to me - a woman ⬅️why are all women mean to you? If it is all women, is the consistent factor you, what are all the women reacting to?

Most women I've met have been horrible to me. I just don't think I like a lot of traits in this generation of women. A lot of women are bitchy, cruel, and abusive. And they haven't just been horrible to me. I see them being horrible to other women.
In every group I've been in, I've seen women absolutely destroy other women. Women really seem to want to abuse other women a lot.

Are women inherently cruel?

Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have to have female friends. I don't like being around women a lot of the time . I don't want to be around abusive people.

So many threads on here are about women being bullied in their lives, at work, at the schoolgates, by other women.

But yeah victim blame me all you want.

There is one trait in women that I really don't like. Women seem to absolutely enjoy ostracizing abusing and belittling women.

In every group I've ever been in, I've seen this happen.

In school - a gang of girls said they were better than everyone else, and made the other girls feel like crap.

In workplaces - In one job I've seen a gang of women refuse to talk to one woman at all. Every day, the other women refused to speak to her. She went off on stress leave.

There are so many threads on here talking about :
Women being cruel on WhatsApp groups
Women being cruel at work
Women being cruel in school group chats.

Even on Mumsnet itself which is predominantly women, women abuse and bully other women all the time on threads here.

So what can be done to make women stop being so cruel?

Should we be made to start taking empathy courses?

Should we be made to take courses where we see other women as human beings with feelings?