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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lose respect over video games?

136 replies

IdiotMom · 03/09/2022 07:51

DH is reasonably helpful. I wouldn't say its 5050 but he does make an effort most of the time and more lately because he's seen how stressed I am at work. He took our 2 young DC away for 2 days to leave me home alone for 2 nights. He takes them out without me. But he's never cleaned a loo in his life. Swings and roundabouts I guess

Anyway every Friday night he plays computer games with his mates. He also plays games at various points...like if the kids have a nap he'll jump on the computer

But on Friday night he plays until 3am or later. He does try to help the next day but he's obviously a bit dazed. Both our kids are waking in the night at the mo so I'm dealing with that while he games on Friday.

I just have the ick. Listening to him talking about shooting this or that over his headset at 2am. Bleugh. He's 44.

He says it's his one thing. He doesn't go out drinking anymore. It doesn't stop him doing any childcare or anything. I just find it really unattractive.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Namenic · 03/09/2022 07:56

Yabu. He seems to do his share more or less. But I used to like computer games - when I had time…

YouAreNotBatman · 03/09/2022 07:57

YANBU.

Musti · 03/09/2022 08:03

Tell him that he can play games after he does his fair share of parenting and housework and spend agreed time as a couple. Yanbu

BlackCoffeeAndToast · 03/09/2022 08:04

I have an ex who stayed up all night to game, sometimes it was weekly or more, it is just so childish and selfish. No hobby should unbalance your life to the point you can't function, or do anything else.

SusanBland · 03/09/2022 08:05

My dp games and like yours it's his one thing, I don't mind it at all and would rather that than him going out getting pissed up etc because I'm not really into that either.

However my ex took up running and became evangelical about it, boring me to tears every time he came back from a run telling me in detail which route he had taken, showing me on strava, the distance, his PB times etc. All the while sat there red faced with sweat dripping all over the place and it gave me the ick big time so I do understand how a hobby can do that.

Fairislefandango · 03/09/2022 08:08

Doing his share and you having the ick over him playing computer games are two separate things, unless his gaming is directly preventing him from doing his share.

YANBU to want to change the distribution of tasks if you always end up doing the drudgery like toilet cleaning.

YABU to think he's unattractive for doing a hobby you don't like, especially if you already knew it was his hobby when you married him.

Kerberos · 03/09/2022 08:09

Seems like a harmless hobby to me. Although I'm somewhat biased given I was playing video games until around 1am last night. I have lots of gamer friends, the average age in our group is 45.

You need to separate judging his hobby for not being worthy from resentment that he's not doing enough. Tackle getting more done.

What hobbies do you have?

Kerberos · 03/09/2022 08:10

Fairislefandango · 03/09/2022 08:08

Doing his share and you having the ick over him playing computer games are two separate things, unless his gaming is directly preventing him from doing his share.

YANBU to want to change the distribution of tasks if you always end up doing the drudgery like toilet cleaning.

YABU to think he's unattractive for doing a hobby you don't like, especially if you already knew it was his hobby when you married him.

Jinx 😁

Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12

I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.

Dazedandconfused10 · 03/09/2022 08:14

@Darkness22 so you have zero hobbies then? Part of being a well rounded adult is to have a hobby...

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 03/09/2022 08:16

Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12

I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.

You must lead a very boring life then, no hobbies for

NoodleSnow · 03/09/2022 08:16

Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12

I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.

Does that apply to all hobbies? Reading books? Craft? Television? Exercise? Mumsnet? Or is it only things that don’t fit your definition of well-rounded?

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 03/09/2022 08:17

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 03/09/2022 08:16

You must lead a very boring life then, no hobbies for

Show quote history

You must lead a very boring life then, no hobbies for you.

It is just a hobby op, he does his share although he could clean more as he uses the toilet too. At least he isn't spending lots of money on drink.

Palegreenstars · 03/09/2022 08:20

Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12

I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.

This is a bonkers comment it’s possible to have other things in your life as well as a job, home, partner and children. Most adults do without being dazed every weekend.

Ponoka7 · 03/09/2022 08:20

Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12

I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.

As said, it's good to have a hobby just for you. I've never been a television watcher. It's only been since I was 50 that I've started watching films. I've always gamed. If you are cleaning 24/7 and that's your thing, then I suppose that's your hobby. My middle adult DD likes shopping, I do that with her but I game with my youngest adult DD. I don't see what's difficult to get your head around.

RewildingAmbridge · 03/09/2022 08:22

DH games, he built his own PC , mainly strategic stuff rather than shooters. Everyone is entitled to a hobby, if he pulls his weight and it doesn't affect family life that's fine. If he's staying up until the early hours then can't look after the children the next day that's no different to going to the pub every Friday and being out of it the next day, which to me would be unacceptable.
Once every week or two DH meets up with friends online to game and I have an evening to myself either I go out, or I stay in catch up on TV, read a book, call a friend whatever I want. He starts around 7:30 after DS is in bed and finishes around midnight and is up and ready the next morning with DC.
YABU to blame gaming.

Fairislefandango · 03/09/2022 08:23

I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.

Confused Why? My dh has a busy job and manages to find time for a couple of hobbies as well as spending plenty of time with me and the dc. As do I, and I have a couple of hobbies too.

Are you suggesting that not having interests/leisure activities as well as work and family commitments makes you more 'well-rounded'? Surely it's quite the opposite? I suspect your comment about not having time is actually just judginess about video games though...

Simonjt · 03/09/2022 08:23

Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12

I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.

Its really sad if you don’t have any hobbies or things you enjoy in your life beyond a partner and children. Personally I wouldn’t consider someone well rounded if they didn’t have hobbies and interests.

Sunnyqueen · 03/09/2022 08:26

Tbh I totally agree with you on that it gives me the ick too, more than a guy who goes out drinking even though that's worse? But I know thats really unreasonable I just can't explain it.

maddening · 03/09/2022 08:26

I am 44 and also enjoy video games, I also occasionally go out drinking and am still a well rounded person.

I also have a full social life, am progressing well in my full time career, have some arts and crafts projects and a garden project on the go. I replace watching some telly with some games but i do watch the news, a couple of things I may watch as box sets or on catch up if they are worth it, and enjoy films or a series with the family on the weekend. I also have a clean and tidy house and facilitie activities for my son. Gaming is not a bad thing, it is more engaged mentally than watching TV for example.

SlashBeef · 03/09/2022 08:29

Adult gamers get such a hard time on MN. If someone is doing their fair share of parenting and household tasks I don't understand why gaming is such a big deal. I'm not a gamer personally but my husband is. He also works hard and looks after our kids.

Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:29

Ffs of course fucking hobbies. Most don't involve disappearing into an fake land til 3am and absolving yourself of adult responsibilities. You don't have to agree with me.

maddening · 03/09/2022 08:31

RewildingAmbridge · 03/09/2022 08:22

DH games, he built his own PC , mainly strategic stuff rather than shooters. Everyone is entitled to a hobby, if he pulls his weight and it doesn't affect family life that's fine. If he's staying up until the early hours then can't look after the children the next day that's no different to going to the pub every Friday and being out of it the next day, which to me would be unacceptable.
Once every week or two DH meets up with friends online to game and I have an evening to myself either I go out, or I stay in catch up on TV, read a book, call a friend whatever I want. He starts around 7:30 after DS is in bed and finishes around midnight and is up and ready the next morning with DC.
YABU to blame gaming.

I think staying up till 3 is different to drinking till 3am. If you are up till 3 but get a bit of lie in you are fine with no hangover. If op gets her lie in on the Sunday then all is fair surely.

musicandpassion · 03/09/2022 08:31

Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:29

Ffs of course fucking hobbies. Most don't involve disappearing into an fake land til 3am and absolving yourself of adult responsibilities. You don't have to agree with me.

So, hobbies, but only hobbies that you agree with are acceptable.

Hawkins001 · 03/09/2022 08:32

I Understand your perspectives and frustrations op, all the best and positivity