AIBU?
To lose respect over video games?
IdiotMom · 03/09/2022 07:51
DH is reasonably helpful. I wouldn't say its 5050 but he does make an effort most of the time and more lately because he's seen how stressed I am at work. He took our 2 young DC away for 2 days to leave me home alone for 2 nights. He takes them out without me. But he's never cleaned a loo in his life. Swings and roundabouts I guess
Anyway every Friday night he plays computer games with his mates. He also plays games at various points...like if the kids have a nap he'll jump on the computer
But on Friday night he plays until 3am or later. He does try to help the next day but he's obviously a bit dazed. Both our kids are waking in the night at the mo so I'm dealing with that while he games on Friday.
I just have the ick. Listening to him talking about shooting this or that over his headset at 2am. Bleugh. He's 44.
He says it's his one thing. He doesn't go out drinking anymore. It doesn't stop him doing any childcare or anything. I just find it really unattractive.
AIBU?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Simonjt · 03/09/2022 08:35
Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:29
Ffs of course fucking hobbies. Most don't involve disappearing into an fake land til 3am and absolving yourself of adult responsibilities. You don't have to agree with me.
So reading fiction or watching fictional films/tv shows is also a no no then.
gonutkin · 03/09/2022 08:37
YABU
If it's bothering you then ask him to come to an agreement. On Friday nights he games till whenever he likes and you take on the responsibility of the children, on Saturday nights it's his job and you don't want to be disturbed so you can get some decent sleep.
The toilet thing.. my DP has never done it either but it doesn't bother me at all. He takes the rubbish out which I hate doing so I'm happy with that. I don't think your unreasonable for having the ick, you can't really help it. But i don't see a problem with what he's doing. As long as things are fair between you both
ILikeHotWaterBottles · 03/09/2022 08:38
Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:29
Ffs of course fucking hobbies. Most don't involve disappearing into an fake land til 3am and absolving yourself of adult responsibilities. You don't have to agree with me.
So you have a list of acceptable hobbies and not acceptable ones.
I hope you don't do anything like talk to strangers on a forum.. oh wait..
Do you also watch tv shows? That's basically disappearing into a fake land too for an hour or so. It's not real and it's a nice break for your mind, especially the reality tv shows.
GoneWithTheWine1 · 03/09/2022 08:39
Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12
I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.
I can't see how a well rounded functioning adult has time to go drinking every other weekend at the pub but there we go. What a ridiculous comment.
Fairislefandango · 03/09/2022 08:42
Ffs of course fucking hobbies. Most don't involve disappearing into an fake land til 3am and absolving yourself of adult responsibilities. You don't have to agree with me.
But gaming doesn't require you to play until 3am or absolve yourself of adult responsibilities any more than any other hobby does. The OP's dh plays until 3am (and doesn't sounds as though he's generally absolving himself of responsibilities), but your comment referred to adults having time to play video games in general. My dh and ds both play games and neither of them go to bed past 10:30!
Soubriquet · 03/09/2022 08:42
Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12
I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.
So you don’t watch tv. Read books. Go on the internet. Go out drinking.
You do absolutely none of those
MrsFerguson · 03/09/2022 08:43
I can see both sides of this
My ex fiance was addicted to Warcraft. It wasn't just a little bit of gaming here and there each evening. It was all night, all day, all weekend. He failed university (was a triple distinction student!), lost his job, lost his house and lost his fiance.
However, gaming IS a legit hobby. But just like going for a run 3 times a week - the gaming time needs to be spaced out, managed and there needs to be a balance between real life and gaming life.
I love my Xbox. I love Stardew Valley and Minecraft. I still have a Nintendo Game Cube and we have family retro Mario Kart nights BUT it is a balance.
If his hobby is impacting family life then YANBU. But don't say it gives you the ick. It's really patronising and makes you sound like an arse.
But don't treat him like a child just because your perception of gamers is wrong. Stop stereotyping and labeling people OP.
BadgeronaMoped · 03/09/2022 08:43
DH has always been a gamer (Escape from Tarkov at the moment) and the only thing I ask is that he finishes at an acceptable time (like 12:30) and come to bed with me. I find it endearing hearing him talking to his friends over the headset 
He tries to balance his gaming with time together and I'd say the household stuff/DC awake at night is 50/50 because he's a good bloke.
Took a while to get to this point, he used to play a lot more and a lot later, it really annoyed me because he's so loud when he's shouting things into the mic/is shot. I'd pop my head round the corner and give him a death stare at 2am and get "this is the last one".
Just one more raid... Kind of like me and my knitting, just one more row.
IdiotMom · 03/09/2022 08:43
So he has a lie in this morning and I have one on Sunday.
Last night I was up with the baby at 2am resettling him and could hear DH saying things like "fucking kill that nube" (I don't know what it means either)
I just felt like I could hear a teenage son rather than my husband. He has a whole different tone and language on there. He loves it. LOVES IT. He's visibly excited on Friday late afternoon
I don't have any hobbies. I work full time and have a baby and toddler. Even seeing my friends feels like an effort these days. But that's on me. I find time to go on MN sometimes and watch terrible TV but I'm not sure those count as hobbies that actually benefit you!
pictish · 03/09/2022 08:44
I dislike the notion that gaming is childish and of no value. It’s a perfectly acceptable adult pastime that people are allowed to enjoy. His selfishness is another matter. I don’t game but dh does. It doesn’t bother me so long as he is still participating in family life, which he does.
I Mumsnet and it’s every bit as trivial.
IdiotMom · 03/09/2022 08:46
I find it baffling that he has the energy to stay up till 3am when I'm dead on my feet by 10pm most days but again, guess that's on me.
He could do more but he does a fair chunk.
He won't be grumpy today or anything. Once he has a lie in he manages to be cheerful with kids etc
MrsFerguson · 03/09/2022 08:47
IdiotMom · 03/09/2022 08:43
So he has a lie in this morning and I have one on Sunday.
Last night I was up with the baby at 2am resettling him and could hear DH saying things like "fucking kill that nube" (I don't know what it means either)
I just felt like I could hear a teenage son rather than my husband. He has a whole different tone and language on there. He loves it. LOVES IT. He's visibly excited on Friday late afternoon
I don't have any hobbies. I work full time and have a baby and toddler. Even seeing my friends feels like an effort these days. But that's on me. I find time to go on MN sometimes and watch terrible TV but I'm not sure those count as hobbies that actually benefit you!
So your problem is his language in front of the children. That's fair. Bring it up - YANBU to find bad language a turn off.
You have no hobbies? What a sad life that is! I recommend you find a hobby before you get more uptight. Maybe a hobby will help broaden your horizons and stop you from labelling and stereotyping people! A book or two might also help! 👍
bruffin · 03/09/2022 08:47
Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12
I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.
A well rounded persons have time for hobbies, its what makes them well rounded. Unlike most MNetters who cannot seem to understand anything that doesnt correlate to their own experiences.
Soubriquet · 03/09/2022 08:47
I don't have any hobbies. I work full time and have a baby and toddler. Even seeing my friends feels like an effort these days. But that's on me. I find time to go on MN sometimes and watch terrible TV but I'm not sure those count as hobbies that actually benefit you
But gaming benefits your dh. You find enjoyment in mumsnetting and watching tv. He finds enjoyment in gaming
KassandraOfSparta · 03/09/2022 08:47
Started a thread last week about gaming. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4622840-to-think-video-games-arent-just-for-teenage-boys Nice to see all the stereotypes being trotted out here.
One evening a week doing a hobby is not extreme. The fact YOU don't have any hobbies isn't something he needs to solve, it's something YOU need to solve. If he is a decent man and father in other ways, it's just a hobby like cycling or golf or knitting.
But that won't stop the saddo "gamers are big losers" crowd on MN.
IdiotMom · 03/09/2022 08:50
@KassandraOfSparta I literally said in a post that me not having a hobby is on me, of course. Just with 2 young DC who don't sleep at night and a full time job with lots of pressure it's the last thing on my mind to start trying to find something else to do. I'm either looking after kids, or at work, or asleep. I know that's my issue.
IdiotMom · 03/09/2022 08:52
I mean I'm on MN now but really I'm watching two small boys dismantle the spice drawer and hope they don't find the chilli powder. Hahaha. I don't count MN as a hobby. Its a distraction sometimes
I do think I have some unfair judgment though for sure. I do find it unattractive. Which isn't nice of me
GreenWheat · 03/09/2022 08:55
Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:29
Ffs of course fucking hobbies. Most don't involve disappearing into an fake land til 3am and absolving yourself of adult responsibilities. You don't have to agree with me.
Oh dear, you are so horribly out of touch. Do only hobbies you approve of? But isn't getting absorbed in a great fiction book also disappearing into a fake land? Just without the multimedia effects?
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