To lose respect over video games?

[IdiotMom]

DH is reasonably helpful. I wouldn't say its 5050 but he does make an effort most of the time and more lately because he's seen how stressed I am at work. He took our 2 young DC away for 2 days to leave me home alone for 2 nights. He takes them out without me. But he's never cleaned a loo in his life. Swings and roundabouts I guess

Anyway every Friday night he plays computer games with his mates. He also plays games at various points...like if the kids have a nap he'll jump on the computer

But on Friday night he plays until 3am or later. He does try to help the next day but he's obviously a bit dazed. Both our kids are waking in the night at the mo so I'm dealing with that while he games on Friday.

I just have the ick. Listening to him talking about shooting this or that over his headset at 2am. Bleugh. He's 44.

He says it's his one thing. He doesn't go out drinking anymore. It doesn't stop him doing any childcare or anything. I just find it really unattractive.

AIBU?

[DillonPanthersTexas]

I think a lot of mens hobbies are a bit icky inducing...the golf outfits...the lycra

Granted some golf gear can be a bit OTT but assuming that the lycra is worn as practical clothing while running, cycling etc then what is the problem? Going out getting fit, socialising with friends in the process?? I row competitively, I wear lycra as baggy loose fitting clothes can get caught on the seat wheels and riggers. Did not realise I was giving off 'ick' vibes.🙁

[Okboo]

The people on this thread bashing video gaming and deeming it childish and pathetic as a past time while spending their well-rounded spare time on Mumsnet bashing people instead 😂

[IdiotMom]

I'm not trying to change him. But life changes . I used to go out until 3am. I used to spend all Sunday in bed reading. I don't do these things anymore.

I don't want him to stop but if all you guys would be totally chilled with a DH shouting at a screen until 3am every week while you do night wakes and laundry...then fine...and people saying it's my choice to not have a hobby....I will try but I'm working all hours with cost of living (so no I can't just get a cleaner) and the bills etc are kind on me really. But I need to find more time for myself somehow

He actually got up this morning at 10.30 and said that he feels rough because it was nearly 4am when he went to bed and he drank too much but he had to stay up because they were in the middle of some raid/exercise. I do stop listening after a bit.

[BadNomad]

Can he not do the night wake when he's already awake?

[IdiotMom]

@BadNomad Not when there are demons and zombies to kill.

[IdiotMom]

@MrsFerguson

I love that your first reply says "I see both sides" and your second post says my DH needs video games because it must be so awful being married to me and he would be better off without me.

Ha ha ha! Not sure what I said to turn you from being balanced to being horrible.

He would be better off without me?? He might learn how to clean his own shit off the loo but other than that...I don't think so.

[Dadaya]

He has one hobby night per week. He does his hobby online rather than going out. I don’t see the problem? Would you be happier if he went out drinking for the same hours? You’re being ridiculous.

[gamerchick]

@Darkness22

Ffs of course fucking hobbies. Most don't involve disappearing into an fake land til 3am and absolving yourself of adult responsibilities. You don't have to agree with me.

Like reading a book? Watching a Netflix series?

What would he a wholesome hobby look like to you out of interest.

I came on thinking it was always, every chance he got like some people OP. He's not doing anything wrong. If you would like him to take some of the stuff you do off your shoulders than absolutely tell him if his downtime is bugging you. Resentment breeds. Get the bugger nipped in the bud. But don't ask him to give up one night a week. I would laugh at my husband if he tried to control my one night a way pleasure and downtime.

[burnoutbabe]

well he shouldn't be shoiting at the screen if that wakes anyone up?

but if he is doing an online game where the whole team is needed, then he can't just stop. Same if he went out to golf or coached his local footy team. Maybe it would be mentally better if he wasn't in the house, for you.

[HappyChloé2]

@Darkness22

I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.

That suggests you may need to organise your life better, or get more competent around the home.I’ve a very good job, young children, but still have time for the gym and some TV.

[absolutelyanythingwilldo]

Your DH is going to be very popular with the DCs when they get to about 8 years old and start playing Fortnite.

[PersonaNonGarter]

YANBU - total ick.

You might also be angry that you’ve allowed him to become your teenage son. Gross.

This is the telling line: But he's never cleaned a loo in his life. Swings and roundabouts I guess

No, not swings and roundabouts. He needs to clean his own literal and metaphorical shit. Until he does, you’ve lost respect for him and for yourself.

[Agrudge]

@PersonaNonGarter

But he's never cleaned a loo in his life. Swings and roundabouts I guess

did op actually say this . I've searched her post but could see it

[Agrudge]

Never mind found it

[fellrunner85]

I've got nothing against gaming in general; and dipping in and out of games is fun. I like the odd bit of Zelda with the kids, for example.
But there's a world between that and sitting up until the early hours shooting things and shouting at random teenage boys on the Internet.
Honestly OP, if that was my DH I'd have the "ick" too, and would be seriously wondering who I'd married.
Have you watched the comedy Dead Pixels, OP? It's very funny, although one of the characters may feel a bit close to home..!

[AssumingDirectControl]

@BadNomad

Yes! Children should be up chimneys and men should be down coalmines! Not sitting at home entertaining themselves in their spare time.

I get fat sitting watching Netflix.

I get fatter watching TV than gaming, when I’m gaming my hands are too busy to feed my face 😂

[Thepeopleversuswork]

I also struggle with video games OP. I find them incredibly dull. And I struggle to get past the perception that they just a huge time vacuum. My parents were very anti and I have inherited this I think.

But I realise that this is entirely my problem and objectively it’s not rational.

It has to be said too that if done in moderation they are pretty harmless.

I think your real issue is more the lack of support, no?

[gonutkin]

@IdiotMom

So he has a lie in this morning and I have one on Sunday.

Last night I was up with the baby at 2am resettling him and could hear DH saying things like "fucking kill that nube" (I don't know what it means either)

I just felt like I could hear a teenage son rather than my husband. He has a whole different tone and language on there. He loves it. LOVES IT. He's visibly excited on Friday late afternoon

I don't have any hobbies. I work full time and have a baby and toddler. Even seeing my friends feels like an effort these days. But that's on me. I find time to go on MN sometimes and watch terrible TV but I'm not sure those count as hobbies that actually benefit you!

Bless him I would be happy to see my partner get so excited over something. Life can be tedious and shit. If he absolutely loves it and only does it on Fridays what's the problem?

For my 30th my partner got me a Nintendo switch with animal crossing 😂 it's AMAZING! I've never been a gamer, my partner plays occasionally and I mean he has an Xbox and plays it probably a few nights a month if that. I dont know if a switch is classed as gaming but I still have plenty of time for my children, partner and all the house stuff and I don't abuse it. It doesn't mean I'm acting like a teenager or sad as I can see a lot of comments thinking anyone who plays a video game is lost. It's a lovely way for me to zone out for a while just like watching a movie.

[Agrudge]

shouting at random teenage boys

your making assumptions based you preconceptions

[Hawkins001]

@IdiotMom

@BadNomad Not when there are demons and zombies to kill.

Call of duty by any chance ?

[KassandraOfSparta]

@Hawkins001

Call of duty by any chance ?

Clearly not, given that the series is based on real-world warfare scenarios. Which you'd know, if you weren't just making stereotyped assumptions.

[Agrudge]

@KassandraOfSparta

Clearly not, given that the series is based on real-world warfare scenarios. Which you'd know, if you weren't just making stereotyped assumptions.

There is a zombie mode in call of duty

[BadNomad]

My guess is Destiny. It has raids and monsters and PVP noobs.

[fellrunner85]

your making assumptions based you preconceptions

Absolutely yes - many apologies.

It is equally likely that the person the OP heard her DH shouting "kill the noob" at was not a teenage boy, but Hilda from Chipping Norton.

[Butterdishtea]

If he's doing anything on Friday night that compromises his ability to be engaged, present and responsive on Saturday, he has his priorities all wrong. With children and a marriage, he needs to put them first and do his hobby in a way that doesn't take a toll on the family. It's really sad that he missing quality family time because he's in a daze and it says a lot about his values, none of it good. Going through the motions doesn't make a stable family.

I would be saying this if he was drinking too.

On a personal note, I find gaming deeply unattractive so it would be a no from me.