AIBU?
To lose respect over video games?
IdiotMom · 03/09/2022 07:51
DH is reasonably helpful. I wouldn't say its 5050 but he does make an effort most of the time and more lately because he's seen how stressed I am at work. He took our 2 young DC away for 2 days to leave me home alone for 2 nights. He takes them out without me. But he's never cleaned a loo in his life. Swings and roundabouts I guess
Anyway every Friday night he plays computer games with his mates. He also plays games at various points...like if the kids have a nap he'll jump on the computer
But on Friday night he plays until 3am or later. He does try to help the next day but he's obviously a bit dazed. Both our kids are waking in the night at the mo so I'm dealing with that while he games on Friday.
I just have the ick. Listening to him talking about shooting this or that over his headset at 2am. Bleugh. He's 44.
He says it's his one thing. He doesn't go out drinking anymore. It doesn't stop him doing any childcare or anything. I just find it really unattractive.
AIBU?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
SweepItUnderTheCarpet · 03/09/2022 08:58
7 million people watch 'I'm a celebrity - get me out of here'. 3 million watch 'Love Island' millions watch tripe like Eastenders and Coronation Street. Look at the amount of time people spend on Mumsnet, Facebook, TikTok etc.
I don't understand why doing something that is interactive, sociable, inexpensive and fun is such an issue. I think people who don't play don't appreciate how enjoyable it is. When my adult kids are visiting us they always have a big in-person gaming session and they laugh and laugh. It's so wholesome. I'm glad I can join in. They all do other things like sports as well.
If your husband isn't pulling their weight then that's a separate issue.
supersonicginandtonic · 03/09/2022 09:01
You lose respect over video games, he may feel that way about Mumsnet and television.
You're the one choosing not to have a hobby. He helps you, you share lie ins. I really don't see the issue 🤷♀️
My partner likes golfing and cycling, I find them boring. I like reading in the bath or going for a run, he finds those boring. It is possible to have a hobby if you want one.
GrumpyPanda · 03/09/2022 09:05
SlashBeef · 03/09/2022 08:29
Adult gamers get such a hard time on MN. If someone is doing their fair share of parenting and household tasks I don't understand why gaming is such a big deal. I'm not a gamer personally but my husband is. He also works hard and looks after our kids.
But he isn't - he's being "reasonably helpful" which us a red flag if ever there was one. OP even says directly he isn't doing half.
SweepItUnderTheCarpet · 03/09/2022 09:07
Imagine if a man posted a thread saying they can't stand the fact there wife watches tripe like 'I'm a celebrity-get me out of here' and that he no longer finds her attractive because of it. Can you imagine the responses.
OP, have you let you husband know that you don't approve of him playing online games?
Andromachehadabadday · 03/09/2022 09:08
You say you are either working or looking after the kids.
But that he also takes them out and takes them away to ensure you get down time.
Why wouldn’t you be doing something in those times?
If you need him to do more around the house, fair enough. Talk to him. It’s a bit weird that it’s a fairly even relationship with someone you love, who goes to effort to give you breaks and recognises when you are struggling and genuinely engages with the kids and you ar spur off with him because you don’t like the way he talks when he is talking to his friends.
Icannever · 03/09/2022 09:08
I totally understand why you don’t like it, I hate listening to teenagers gaming with friends, it’s so loud 😊 but if it’s just one night a week that’s pretty reasonable.
Also it’s his way of connecting with his old
mates I guess. My husband goes out for a beer and a burger with his old mates and it makes him
happy. If he didn’t do it he’d probably have no friend interaction and that isn’t good. Maybe you could find time to go have a girls night just watching movies or something low key/low energy every now and then
(Oh and we are saving up to buy a teenage summer house in the garden so we don’t have to listen to it)
ChagSameachDoreen · 03/09/2022 09:09
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Soubriquet · 03/09/2022 09:12
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Why thank you. Good job I don’t care for your opinion
Hugasauras · 03/09/2022 09:12
Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12
I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.
Your eyes would pop out of your head in this house. Two adults with jobs, two young kids, and we both play games 
IdiotMom · 03/09/2022 09:12
@Andromachehadabadday sorry I should have been clearer. He's started taking them out without me at the weekend for the odd morning and he took them away for 2 days when he was on holiday over the summer (he's a teacher) because I was so frazzled. Those two days were spent at work during the day and catching up with laundry etc in the evenings. I know I know that's on me. But honestly I don't know where to find the time. The kids are awake at 6. Takes an hour to get them to bed. Dinner at 8. And then I'm just lying on the sofa.
Anyway this isn't about my lack of time. It's literally just whether it's fair of me to find my DH shouting at a computer at 2am unattractive and irritating. I think it probably is.
Soproudoflionesses · 03/09/2022 09:13
SusanBland · 03/09/2022 08:05
My dp games and like yours it's his one thing, I don't mind it at all and would rather that than him going out getting pissed up etc because I'm not really into that either.
However my ex took up running and became evangelical about it, boring me to tears every time he came back from a run telling me in detail which route he had taken, showing me on strava, the distance, his PB times etc. All the while sat there red faced with sweat dripping all over the place and it gave me the ick big time so I do understand how a hobby can do that.
My best mate split up with her dh and his running was o e of the reasons! I mean there are worse hobbies out there but she said he became so dull she couldn't even pretend to be interested after many years!
Hmm op l would rather a gamer than a drinker or smoker but there needs to be time boundaries while the kids are young
GreenWheat · 03/09/2022 09:20
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Why? What's your experience of gaming to make such a ridiculous sweeping statement? Or have you never actually played yourself and are totally unaware of what games are out there?
ApiratesaysYarrr · 03/09/2022 09:24
Darkness22 · 03/09/2022 08:12
I cannot see how any well rounded functioning adult with a job, a home, a partner and children has time to play video games.
What utter tosh. Are you suggesting that any parent who has a hobby is neglectful of their family?
burnoutbabe · 03/09/2022 09:25
Hugasauras · 03/09/2022 09:19
And YANBU in the sense you can find whatever you like attractive or otherwise but YABU to expect him to do anything about it. I don't choose my interests based on what my husband finds 'attractive' or otherwise.
True. I am not attracted to gym bunny type men or ones who go and support their football team every week religiously.
But I just don't/didn't date them in the first place.
Meseekslookatme · 03/09/2022 09:27
Kerberos · 03/09/2022 08:09
Seems like a harmless hobby to me. Although I'm somewhat biased given I was playing video games until around 1am last night. I have lots of gamer friends, the average age in our group is 45.
You need to separate judging his hobby for not being worthy from resentment that he's not doing enough. Tackle getting more done.
What hobbies do you have?
Me too, it's actually a hobby I share with my partner.
I get really annoyed with the lazy stereotyping.
I find people yapping about thier kids excruciating but I don't call them sad or deficient.
As long as he did his fair share I'd leave him be, it's a harmless hobby if it's not taken too far. Same as any hobby.
Meseekslookatme · 03/09/2022 09:29
MrsFerguson · 03/09/2022 08:43
I can see both sides of this
My ex fiance was addicted to Warcraft. It wasn't just a little bit of gaming here and there each evening. It was all night, all day, all weekend. He failed university (was a triple distinction student!), lost his job, lost his house and lost his fiance.
However, gaming IS a legit hobby. But just like going for a run 3 times a week - the gaming time needs to be spaced out, managed and there needs to be a balance between real life and gaming life.
I love my Xbox. I love Stardew Valley and Minecraft. I still have a Nintendo Game Cube and we have family retro Mario Kart nights BUT it is a balance.
If his hobby is impacting family life then YANBU. But don't say it gives you the ick. It's really patronising and makes you sound like an arse.
But don't treat him like a child just because your perception of gamers is wrong. Stop stereotyping and labeling people OP.
I love Stardew! It's so wholesome!! 🥰
Meseekslookatme · 03/09/2022 09:36
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What are your hobbies?
Let's shit all over those, I bet its something really dull.
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