Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

Of course they can, But maybe she used to work in London and was feeling a little wistful.

Rubbish. You don't have to be with your child 24/7 to be 'parenting'. You're always a parent. By that token when the kids are at school full time mums are also part time mums....Some women manage parenting from their work, others do it at home. THAT is the only difference.

You are joking!!!! Part time parent - bloody cheek.

I’m on a career break whilst my two children are small. It cost the same to send them to childcare as it did to work so I’m taking a little time out whilst they are small and will go back to school. I don’t have another job so it’s my full time role. I feel like I have lost a bit of identity and feel jealous of my DH commuting twice a week simply because he has time alone on the train along with adult conversation, measurable successes and a lunch break.

I can’t ‘just’ go into London when I feel like it because I don’t have childcare to look after my children because I am the childcare. I don’t ‘just’ go to the gym when I feel like it - I wait until my DH is finished work and then drag myself at 8pm just to have some time alone.

I think all women find it difficult whatever they choose/have to do after having children because of the judgement faced from all sides.

Six months is a short maternity leave. I hope that you’re feeling okay about it all and ready to go back.

So does the WP not show the SAPH their value by funding their choices for them to SAH?

By parenting it’s meant actually proving childcare for your child. Not ordering kids stuff from Amazon and sending a few what’s app messages from an office desk miles away from your child. 🤣 Full time parents also have to do those things whilst having children in their full time care.

Some women manage parenting from their work, others do it at home. THAT is the only difference.

@ganvough love this!!!
Genuinely shook over some of the comments on here!

You mean you can't change it back?

When I was at home with my kidsin the 1980s the term was full time mum. Somewhere in the following three decades (presumably when people started typing their conversations instead of talking face to face) it changed to SAHM.

There is nothing wrong with either term. There isn't a perfect one either for mums who look after their own children during the working day, or those who do paid work outside (or now sometimes in) the home while sommeone else looks after their children.

Since we all know what the terms are meant to express, pulling them apart to try to find some implied slight is just silly.

Yes, if you have significant other who values you.
but I am am talking about society generally.

You’re not less of a parent, just not parenting full time as you have been in the previous six months. It’s a clumsy phrase but so is working mum. It really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, we all make our own choices.

Opened this thread thinking it’s from a fellow teacher, moaning about this school term already 🥴

@Pinkpeony2

Why?

Why should society value that particular lifestyle choice?

I find that quote very insulting.
So a working parent can do everything I can do as a full time parent but also has a job.
Right so what does that say about Full time parents then? lazy and sitting around at home.
if you are at work, someone else is parenting during those hours for you! You are still the parent, but someone else is proving the childcare (the parenting!)

I'm a SAHM and would never say that to someone.

Just because you're at work does not mean you're not also a full time mum.

YANBU OP. It's a bullshit phrase. It implies you're less of a mother than she is.

A school mum acquaintance has just quit her job to be a "Full time mummy". Its all over fb. "So blessed to be a full time mummy, present with my babies always."

Except her babies are both school age. So she's distinctly not with them at least 6 hours a day. That's part time mum, part time lady of leisure.

It's bollocks.

Who says child care needs to be done in the house? If a parent leaves a pre prepared meal for their child for when they come home after school, or leaves work early to pick their child up, or makes appointments while on the drive to work - is that not caring for your child? Unless it's a tiny baby that needs 24/7 attention (which I assume is not OP's case), no child needs a parent in the house full time to be 'parented'. And whatsapp messages or calls to check up on your child is child care - your child doesn't think "oh my mum is at work, so I have no parent anymore".

@Pinkpeony2

Do you think wp don't do any actual childcare?

Mumming?!

Yes, they don’t have a paid job. People who insist on using the word “unemployed” - which is commonly understood to refer to jobseekers - are doing so because they believe it’s a demeaning term. The idea is to suggest stay at home parents contribute nothing, though they’re doing the same as a nanny would in working hours.

What happens when your child is at school then and you're not parenting them? How do you define yourself for those hours in a day?

YABU, she just meant she hasn’t been to London because she is caring for her kids full time. Obviously if you are working, someone else cares for the kids part of the time. It’s just a fact not an insult.

I'm temporarily a SAHP having been a FT working mum until a few months ago

Honestly whether you're a "full time mum" or working mum you're just a mum doing your best to raise your kids and keep the show on the road.

Lets try to remember this for all mums and support each other on this exhausting but rewarding adventure

@Pinkpeony2

I do do everything a sahp does.

Outside of a few hours of physical parenting.

I'm not sure why you'd find that offensive

I think you’re being over sensitive tbh. I think she was talking about herself & didn’t mean you aren’t a mum full time - she meant you’re not parenting 24/7 with the child. As in you’ve got two different lifestyles. Don’t take it badly I dont think she would’ve realised it hurt you! Xx

So you can't be full time mum when your child start nursery or school because you don't full time parenting your child?