Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

I think you have missed the context.
It was about another SAH poster whos DH job meant he was never at home.

@Sisisisi the phrase
Kids of sahms aren't even with their parents doesn't read as though it's aimed at one poster though.

It wasnt aimed at anyone!
Fgs!
Its about shared parenting and care of children and shared WOH.
Im off now, its getting ridiculous

@Sisisisi

Why are you responding for another poster (regarding a frankly stupid post) and getting annoyed about it?

If you get this stressed and defensive maybe mumsnet isn't for you?

It wasnt aimed at anyone!
Fgs!
Its about shared parenting and care of children and shared WOH.
Im off now, its getting ridiculous

Flounce away! Someone posted and I replied, it's how MN works, and besides you literally just told me I'd got the context wrong and it was about another poster or in other words aimed at 🙄

Not another SAHM thread…

They also don't stay at home all the time. Sometimes they go out, on holiday or whatever.

This is such a ridiculous thing to get upset about. She's not saying you're less of a mother than she is, she just prefers the term. Would you think it was ok for her to object to you calling yourself a working mother, as it implies she doesn't do anything? I'm sure you'd think that was being ridiculous.

She's no more showing insecurities than you are OP. Another SAHM bashing thread. Lovely!

Mmm you’re at work so therefore not parenting full time in the same way - sorry that’s just logical . It doesn’t mean you’re not a mum all the time or that your a bad parent because you’re at work. You feel guilty and sad going back to work so re feeling sensitive and have blown this out of proportion. I totally get that. It so hard leaving them.

I was actually involved in that conversation so I replied.

Just circular arguments and people not reading the thread now, so best to go elsewhere.
Not flouncing, Ive been here since it were all fields 😉

The poster was on another thread , ages ago.
It was an example

Mmm you’re at work so therefore not parenting full time in the same way - sorry that’s just logical

Youre mixing up the concept of parenting with the concept of minding or caregiving there.

There’s a lot of jobs, many very highly paid, where you basically make the world a worse place overall. Someone cleaning their home and cooking meals isn’t doing that, at least.

I’m planning to go back to work when my youngest is 2 or 3, mainly for the extra family income, but I think ‘ambition’ as an abstract concept is overrated. I used to have ambitions to change the world and my work choices reflected that. I don’t really believe I can anymore, so my ambition is to earn some money because I think that will benefit my family. If we had loads and loads of it without me, I might still want to work to have some independence, but that would be a self-interested (not in a bad way) reason. I don’t think it would be more/less moral to work or not work. Maybe if my hypothetical extremely high-earning husband felt being the sole breadwinner was a burden and would like to work fewer hours it would be morally better to work.

There’s a lot of jobs, many very highly paid, where you basically make the world a worse place overall.

Not entirely, those jobs generate tax revenue for all those public services.

That doesn't mean, however, that staying at home isn't a legitimate choice.

Not flouncing, Ive been here since it were all fields 😉

Same, except I don't think that makes me a comment monitor.

@DreamToNightmare let me translate...

Topgub
@DreamToNightmare

Nope.

You dont need to be a sahm for your kids to be with their parents working parents spend plenty of time with their kids especially if they have shared CC

Kids of sahms aren't even with their parents. Kids of SAHPs generally spend lots of time with I've parent not both parents

They're with their mums as above

my kids were with their parents this pp shared cc with her partner so kids spent equal time with both parents

I don’t even know what you’re trying to say
Make sense now?

What an absolute shambles of a thread. There are a couple of known posters who go on every SAHM thread spouting the same crap about SAHMs and every comment they make just screams insecurity - despite their earnest protestations to the contrary. It's depressing reading.

Some women are SAHMs because they want to be and they can be. Get over it. What is there to say.

As for that poster who is always delighted to be on every SAHM thread so she can tell everyone she doesn't value the SAHM role or some such fuckwit statement like that - what an embarrassment. Imagine if this was your personality! Women at their worst.

It's a shame because this kind of belligerence and intransigence blocks what could potentially be a more nuanced discussion. Sad reflection of women in 2022.

And what was that crap about who is unemployed and who is not employed. Imagine being bothered about that.

This

Just how some mothers or fathers have no choice but to work when they have children, many will have no choice but to not work.

Any salary I could earn wouldn’t even cover the cost of childcare for one of my 3 children and with no other help available and husbands earning power while not huge is considerably higher than mine. I feel I have no choice.

Im sure it wasn’t a dig and if anything was probably putting herself down as that’s what I’d be doing but then I don’t know her character.

Oh dear oh dear

It really did descend into all sorts of madness eh?

So much for the sisterhood supporting each other?

I'm not sure gendered abuse can be called support?

As always sahms prove they really cant cope with their choices being criticised

Its genuinely as though they've never come across it before.

Such horrified outrage is hilarious

You write like their are two defined “camps””Many women are both at various times in their lives. Are your children very young? Usually by the time their children are older most people have a broader more nuanced view of the whole thing. It all gets very impassioned when they are tiny.

"t really did descend into all sorts of madness eh?"

Are you having a laugh?

Some posters are better just ignored. There's a quote I like....

“It’s hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it’s damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.” – Bill Murray...

Remember that quote when you start to argue with an idiot guys!

....and remember idiots sometimes argue with THEMSELVES when they don't have anyone else left to talk to!

“It’s hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it’s damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.” – Bill Murray...

You said it Justine

And yes, I doubt anyone gives them the time if day in real life

No doubt they'll be back in the next thread though, with the same droning idiocy to bring the debate through ground zero.