Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

Utterly ridiculous statement. I am mum 100% of the time. She can be a full time stay at home mum, sure.

YABU you're not looking after your child full time, so you're not a full time mum. If you're choosing to find offense in that then it's likely some sort of internal resentment.

yabu. She is parenting full time. You are not parenting full time. You have a job. You are only with the child parenting some of the time.
I mean, it’s accurate.

Of course it’s not accurate. So the SAHM never leaves the baby/kids with their father or grandparents, goes to the gym, sees friends etc and therefore only parents “some of the time” too?

I hate it. Working "full time" is classed as 37.5 hours per week. Even if by some phenomenon I'm suddenly not a mam while I'm at work (which Im pretty sure I still am, I'm just also a chef) there's still 130.5 hours of the week outside of my working hours where I'm at home with my children.

So I work (full time) 37.5 hours.
I'm with my kids 130.5 hours... How is the stay at home mum a "full time mum" and I'm not?

My DSC's mum doesn't look after them all the time, she is still their mum 100% of the time and to imply otherwise is insulting.

OP some people (including me) really hate the term 'Stay at home Mum/Parent'. Other than 'Full time mum/parent' what else can it be described as? I know application forms describe it as 'Homemaker' but I think that's worse! If she used that term, I think some people would be offended by a perceived implication that those who work don't make/maintain a home! It's just a lack of a more succinct term of phrase, that's all it is.

So, parents of kids at school are part-time parents?

I think you're being oversensitive which is understandable because finishing mat leave is a hard transition. She might also be feeling over sensitive because sahms are often looked down on.

Other than 'Full time mum/parent' what else can it be described as?

Unemployed?

And why can't she go into London anyway?! Bizzare.

Yeah I hate it too. There's no such thing as a part time mum. You're either a mum or you aren't. When mums go out to work, they don’t stop being a mum. I have loads of respect for SAHP, there are a lot of downsides to that life, but full time mum isn't the right term.

So are you not a FT mum when your kids start school then?

Yeah it's unemployed or stay at home mum but even that's not accurate as they are allowed to leave the house to go to London.

I'm afraid I think YABU. I just think the term (how ever twee) refers to being at home full time with children under school age. It's not a critique of your life decisions.

I'm not working due to my severe disabilities. There's no socially more acceptable term than 'Unemployed due to ill health' either and I despise that description! I absolutely do not think of myself as anything close to 'unemployed' but unfortunately it's technically accurate as there's no other term to use. I'd love for it to be 'Retired early due to ill health' but I'm not really old enough for that one to fly yet. (Plus I'm desperate to get back to my career but that's another thread!)

Like I said, it's just a terminology issue. It's not a dog at you I don't think

@ThePumpkinPatch

Well thats a separate issue to the ideological sahm too, I suppose.

Can't work due to disabilities is different to won't work cause mumming

That.

It's about time each 'side' stopped looking for things to be offended by.

Yes some working mums look down at SAHMS and some SAHMs disapprove of working mums. But niggling over terms is being way over sensitive.

I've been both a 'full time mum' and a 'working mum'. We all know what the terms are describing, even if they're not 100% accurate. The wording is the least important of any issues that either group might face.

The word mumming gives me the boak. Just like so many other parenting terms.

But unemployed describes people who are job hunting or 'between jobs'. Or choosing to not work. Choosing, as a family, to stay at home with your children full time as an alternative to childcare is not the same as simply 'unemployed!'

But yeah.

It won't always be a dig.

I wouldnt take it as one. I would rather stick pins in my eyes than be a sahm though and have no guilt or qualms at all about leaving my kids.

A brand new mum having to go back to work could be understood as taking it as a dig.

@PeasOff

Up there with boobing

🤢

Choosing to stay at home with your children is choosing not to work though.

Of course it is! You've kind of missed my point there but that may be my fault. Perhaps I didn't put my point across well.

🤢

And baby daddy/baby mum.

You sound like you're looking really hard for something to be offended by.
Not everything is about you believe it or not.

YABU.