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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

74 year old man, 26 year old vulnerable woman with learning disabilities

169 replies

SENmum22 · 15/06/2022 12:52

Nc for this.

I use TikTok and I've just come across an account on the home page which belongs to a married couple. The husband is 74 and the wife is 26 and has quite a significant learning disability.

They have a video up talking about how they met, the blokes daughter (who appears to have some special needs herself) brought her friend round three years ago (the now-wife) and asked if her dad would let her stay as she didn't want to go home.

Long story short they're now married and the wife has moved her younger sisters in with the bloke aswell, they also appear to have LD's.

The bloke claims that helping people with LD's has been his life's work. If so, he knows exactly how vulnerable they are and should know not to cross certain lines.

Overall the wife is an adult by law but intellectually she isnt and as the parent of a child with special needs the whole thing raises alarm bells for me and makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. The power imbalance is huge and they can't have anything in common.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to give the account name so I won't, but it's not difficult to find.

AIBU to think he is an exploitative old git?

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 15/06/2022 12:56

She must have been deemed to have enough capacity to consent to marriage.

I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow if I knew him mind you.

Lalosalamanca · 15/06/2022 12:57

Actually makes me sick then angry and sad.

Thelnebriati · 15/06/2022 12:58

In the UK? Is it worth raising a concern with adult SS?

Original poster
SENmum22 · 15/06/2022 12:59

Thelnebriati · 15/06/2022 12:58

In the UK? Is it worth raising a concern with adult SS?

They're in the UK yes, I havent a clue where abouts though. I've looked through the videos and they don't say.

OP posts:
IJustDontKnowWhat · 15/06/2022 13:00

What's the tiktok name? We can't really judge without seeing

Original poster
SENmum22 · 15/06/2022 13:02

Will the thread be deleted if I give the account name? I don't want to risk any violations but feel incredibly uncomfortable about it all and I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one after watching the videos. I'm happy to PM.

OP posts:
rodham · 15/06/2022 13:02

I think I've seen this couple on tiktok and it made me very uncomfortable

mycatisannoying · 15/06/2022 13:03

Disgusting old fucker.

IJustDontKnowWhat · 15/06/2022 13:03

SENmum22 · 15/06/2022 13:02

Will the thread be deleted if I give the account name? I don't want to risk any violations but feel incredibly uncomfortable about it all and I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one after watching the videos. I'm happy to PM.

Oh maybe. A pm would be great if you could. Thanks

Original poster
SENmum22 · 15/06/2022 13:03

IJustDontKnowWhat · 15/06/2022 13:00

What's the tiktok name? We can't really judge without seeing

I've PM'd you.

OP posts:
IJustDontKnowWhat · 15/06/2022 13:08

Thanks for the PM.

Yes, very weird vibes I'm afraid.

And the fact they have comments turned off on every video speaks volumes.

caramac04 · 15/06/2022 13:08

I’d be horrified if she were my daughter and would have done everything possible to have prevented this.
The old man could have adopted rather than married this young woman if he wanted to look after her.

LIZS · 15/06/2022 13:13

They may be vulnerable, even if willing and able to consent.

Original poster
SENmum22 · 15/06/2022 13:14

He speaks to her like a child which shows he doesn't see her as his equal. He knows exactly what he's doing.

He's got a video up where he's dancing with her younger sister and it just scares me to be honest. The wife has obviously been conditioned to think he's a safe/decent person.

Why oh why is the girls parents OK with this 😔

OP posts:
Daisypod · 15/06/2022 13:16

Could you pm me too please @SENmum22 ?

Bikeybikeface · 15/06/2022 13:16

Can I have the name to have a look, thanks.

Original poster
SENmum22 · 15/06/2022 13:19

I've PM'd you both

I feel as though SS need to be aware of him, if they can't intervene about the marriage as she has capacity fair enough but surely they wouldn't be OK with the little sisters staying round there? I don't know how old they are but they don't look like adults by a long shot

OP posts:
Lacedwithgrace · 15/06/2022 13:21

I think I know who you're talking about- if the account name ends with 2 numbers.
Without knowing her LDs it's difficult to guess whether she has capacity to consent to marriage and anything else in her life. But even if she does, he's an old man with a house full of vulnerable (varying degress of vulnerability) young women who he speaks to like children!

Samarie123 · 15/06/2022 13:21

She maybe smarter than you think and has married him to inherit his money if he has any. Not saying that's a good thing by the way

Original poster
SENmum22 · 15/06/2022 13:23

Lacedwithgrace · 15/06/2022 13:21

I think I know who you're talking about- if the account name ends with 2 numbers.
Without knowing her LDs it's difficult to guess whether she has capacity to consent to marriage and anything else in her life. But even if she does, he's an old man with a house full of vulnerable (varying degress of vulnerability) young women who he speaks to like children!

Yes that's the one.

It makes for incredibly uncomfortable watching. The video that came up on the home page shows him talking about how he has been likened to Jimmy Saville but hes happy to answer questions etc.. but I cant see any comments on videos so he clearly deletes and restricts comments.

OP posts:
moita · 15/06/2022 13:25

Could you PM me OP?

This scares me and makes me want to hug my 4 year old with disabilities even tighter 😢

Original poster
SENmum22 · 15/06/2022 13:28

moita · 15/06/2022 13:25

Could you PM me OP?

This scares me and makes me want to hug my 4 year old with disabilities even tighter 😢

PM'd you.

I feel exactly the same.

OP posts:
rolotops · 15/06/2022 13:29

Can you PM me too please

littlemissalwaystired · 15/06/2022 13:29

Please could I have a PM too?

moita · 15/06/2022 13:30

Ok just watched some videos, very very disturbing