74 year old man, 26 year old vulnerable woman with learning disabilities

[SENmum22]

Nc for this.

I use TikTok and I've just come across an account on the home page which belongs to a married couple. The husband is 74 and the wife is 26 and has quite a significant learning disability.

They have a video up talking about how they met, the blokes daughter (who appears to have some special needs herself) brought her friend round three years ago (the now-wife) and asked if her dad would let her stay as she didn't want to go home.

Long story short they're now married and the wife has moved her younger sisters in with the bloke aswell, they also appear to have LD's.

The bloke claims that helping people with LD's has been his life's work. If so, he knows exactly how vulnerable they are and should know not to cross certain lines.

Overall the wife is an adult by law but intellectually she isnt and as the parent of a child with special needs the whole thing raises alarm bells for me and makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. The power imbalance is huge and they can't have anything in common.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to give the account name so I won't, but it's not difficult to find.

AIBU to think he is an exploitative old git?

It's incredibly sad isn't it.

He talks about how after his first wife died he 'needed' somebody and that's where his now-wife came into the picture.

Are you really concerned or did you just want to gossip?

If you are concerned then you could take it up with TikTok or whoever. This feels wrong.

Ok have just had a quick google. As I said I don’t do tiktok but google throws up quite a bit, and some of the comments on the videos are disgusting.

Firstly I would report the account to tiktok in the hopes of having it taken down. If this woman is as vulnerable as you say she is she is being made a victim on there by the comments alone.

are any of these people’s real names on there? If so you could do a reverse image search on there to find if they’re on social media and find out that way which location they’re in so you can speak to someone about your concerns.

I'm genuinely concerned.

I have a disabled child and feel very strongly about safeguarding, I refute your insinuation that I'm posting for gossip.

I have reported the account to TikTok but I'm not banking on them doing anything about it.

I've just had a look and it is horrifying.

How this one has slipped through social services I don't know.

So what are you hoping to achieve by posting on here other than getting others to view the videos as well?

Wtf?????
they shouldn’t be with anyone?

Green eyed monster?

Here we go, I knew it wouldn't take long. The contrary bunch have arrived.

Is it honestly beyond the realms of possibility that somebody be concerned by the situation? Enough posters here have now seen the account and share my POV.

Anyone else think it’s a bit unhealthy how many people are desperate to see the videos for themselves…. The amount of ‘PM the account name’ posts is quite concerning too.
I don’t need to actually see anything to feel that the circumstances are worrying.

I am a Learning Disability nurse and currently working as a adult safeguarding lead in an NHS trust. Obviously, her capacity may have been very carefully assessed but it's unsettling to watch. To be honest, I don't know how to go about raising a concern if their names/LA isn't known.

Same.
I watched half a video horrified.I had a quick look at their account and saw they had lots of other vids, it made me feel very creeped out.

for the pp saying about capacity, having capacity to get married doesn’t mean they haven’t been groomed. I know someone with LD who has 3 children. No SS involvement after the first one, the girl doesn’t accept she has LD, her 3 children are by different fathers, 2 of the fathers aren’t from this country but now of course have reason to apply to stay. In her eyes, the 3 (older) men were absolutely in love with her and were going to marry her and didn’t just use her at all. It’s very sad.

Thank you for your perspective. I'm looking through his daughters videos now to see if there's anything about what area they're from. If I'm able to find out then I'll be raising my concerns with SS in that area.

Seen these people on there before. It is concerning to me. The age difference is huge.

Gross! What a dirty old man.

Honestly, sometime I think we should create laws to cap these massive age-gap "relationships". It never end well for the younger partner. At best they are unharmed by it, but the benefits are all to the older person.

Learning difficulties doesn't mean she is dumb though
The age gap is pretty gross.but she might just have mental issues or daddy issues. Or likes the attention
Or his money i don't know

It is morally wrong imo. But she must have capacity for this decision. Though.... if no professionals involved then who would have assessed her capacity. I'm not sure what social services would actually do, there would need to be some threshold for harm for safeguarding.

Not necessarily only if someone stepped in and asked for an assessment to be done.

I've just had a look. It is very disturbing, I agree.

I don't have Tik Tok, but one of the videos google throws up is from 2 weeks ago, a 15 second video in which he says she has left him? If this true? Has she left?

I don't think adults with learning disabilities should have to be alone at all. They deserve and desire to be in a relationship just as much as neurotypical adults do. The problem is exploitative people like this bloke. The power imbalance. The manipulation. The control that will come about as the result of the power imbalance.

She hasn't left him no, he posted a video immediately after saying she'd only 'left' him for 4 days as she's gone on holiday with her mother.

He was being deliberately misleading in the first video, for attention I assume, as he knows that the general consensus is that its a toxic relationship.

I’m being naive probably but if she was not capable of consent would she not have support involved? I don’t mean sexual consent necessarily but if she didnt have capacity to handle finances legal decisions etc? And if she can handle those wouldn’t she be able to legally consent to marriage?