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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get bit annoyed that people assume I just “don’t put on weight”

141 replies

mumof2exhausted · 08/02/2022 15:18

I’m a size 10 at the moment - been 10/12 most of my life apart from when I drank too much/ate kebabs at uni and when I was pregnant. This is not because of magic genes it’s because I consistently exercise and I watch what I eat.

I have a friend who is always on a fad diet and is over weight by a few stone (she is always moaning about her weight). She says all the time to me “oh you’re alright you never have to watch your weight”. I do though!! I went on an all inclusive holiday a few months ago and I did barely any exercise and ate and drank everything in sight and I put on a stone in 2 weeks!! It’s gone now as I’m back to eating normally and exercising.

AIBU to say some overweight people genuinely seem to think slimmer people are just lucky and it’s nothing to do with the fact we move more and eat less. When my friend says it to me I just say hmmmm as I don’t want an argument with her and I know she’s unhappy with her size so it’s pointless to point out that i average 20,000 steps, I have an active job, I go to gym 4 times a week and I roughly eat 1800 calories a day

OP posts:
GreenDressRedWine · 08/02/2022 15:30

YANBU, I have a relative who couldn’t understand why I wasn’t having a pudding after a meal out as I apparently don’t need to watch my weight, I pointed out that I do need to and that one of the ways I do that is by not having pudding. I’m not sure she got it tbh.

mmgirish · 08/02/2022 15:34

Is this a humble brag or stealth boast?

HelloFrostyMorning · 08/02/2022 15:36
Hmm
GreenDressRedWine · 08/02/2022 15:37

If mine’s a humble brag then it’s a nostalgic one, I don’t think anyone would tell me I don’t need to watch my weight at the moment Blush

BeardieWeirdie · 08/02/2022 15:40

I would say that you walk 20k steps each day, eat 1800 calories and gym it every other day to maintain a healthy weight and that if you didn’t do all that, you’d look considerably different. Nothing wrong with being honest and I genuinely can’t see how that would be cruel to say.

TheRoundOne · 08/02/2022 15:40

Yes this is so annoying!! YANBU.

Babadook76 · 08/02/2022 15:40

@mmgirish

Is this a humble brag or stealth boast?
That’s what I thought. What a strange post.
Lipsandlashes · 08/02/2022 15:42

Yes, yes. You’re an infinitely better person than your fat friend. Slow clap

thevassal · 08/02/2022 15:45

Agree with beardieweirdie. I don't know why on MN politely disagreeing with someone will automatically lead to an emotional argument.

If it's something that annoys you enough to want to correct her (and it would annoy me!) I wouldn't see any issue in saying politely/even jokingly "oh god I wish I didn't have to think about it! I track my calories every day and have to walk at least 20,000 steps. If I dont I put on weight really quickly." You could even say about your holiday. If she takes a factual comment and infers "so there's no reason you can't do the same you fat cow" then that's on her, and it's her who is causing any further argument.

Dentistlakes · 08/02/2022 15:46

YANBU, I do think people often assume slim people stay that way with no effort. Some do of course, but for many it’s doesn’t come without careful eating and exercise, especially as you get older.

There is a flip side to this too though. If people are overweight it’s often assumed they are that way because they are lazy and have no willpower. It’s usually much more complex than that and not an easy fix.

DSGR · 08/02/2022 15:46

Oh please, you’re wrong. Most people know that slim people watch what they eat. It’s not rocket science.
And I say that as a slim person

HelloFrostyMorning · 08/02/2022 15:48

Yeah, I feel your pain @mumof2exhausted I get a bit annoyed when people think I'm the younger sister of my 2 daughters. Wink

It's sooooo annoying when people point out how slim you are and young and beautiful you look!

chickenninja · 08/02/2022 15:51

Sorry to derail but..
What's the difference between a humble brag and a stealth boast? Genuine question

godmum56 · 08/02/2022 15:51

@Lipsandlashes

Yes, yes. You’re an infinitely better person than your fat friend. Slow clap
hahahahahaha
Gizacluethen · 08/02/2022 15:52

Some people find it a lot easier than others to do that though. I really struggle with my weight, I don't smoke or drink or gamble but I eat and eat and eat. I'm 90kg, up from 56kg when I was exercising and eating healthily I'm more than 50% fat right now. And it's a really hard habit to break. My actual stomach is bigger now, my appetite is too. My knees hurt, my lungs burn. I used to run an hour every morning, it's not like o can just start that up again and everything will go back to normal.

When you're healthy it's easy to stay that way. The longer you're unhealthy the harder it is to find a path back.

Gizacluethen · 08/02/2022 15:55

@chickenninja
Humble brag is "I'm so much better than you but it's not deliberate, life just comes easy to me"
Stealth boast is "why is it that my Mercedes gets dirty so much quicker than you fiat? It's so annoying I wish I didn't have such an expensive car that needs so much tlc"

HelloFrostyMorning · 08/02/2022 15:55

@chickenninja

Sorry to derail but.. What's the difference between a humble brag and a stealth boast? Genuine question
Same thing I think.
FourTeaFallOut · 08/02/2022 15:55

The thing about being very disciplined and thin is that you really don't get enough kudos for it - is that about it, op? Sounds tough.

FairytaleOfLancashire · 08/02/2022 15:59

Yep. "you're OK, you don't know what it's like" yes I bloody do.
Eating disorders, self loathing, terrible relationship with food, obsessive exercising are in my past, but people judge me for being a healthy weight now, as if I have it easy.

HelloFrostyMorning · 08/02/2022 16:00

@FourTeaFallOut

The thing about being very disciplined and thin is that you really don't get enough kudos for it - is that about it, op? Sounds tough.
Why should anyone get praise or kudos for being thin and 'disciplined ?' Confused
PurpleDaisies · 08/02/2022 16:00

AIBU to say some overweight people genuinely seem to think slimmer people are just lucky and it’s nothing to do with the fact we move more and eat less.

Some slimmer people are lucky though. It’s not a big effort for everyone.

Presumably you told your friend that you are only teeny tiny through the hard work and discipline that she can’t be bothered to find within herself so now she know.

PurpleDaisies · 08/02/2022 16:01

The thing about being very disciplined and thin is that you really don't get enough kudos for it - is that about it, op? Sounds tough.

Why should anyone get praise or kudos for being thin and 'disciplined ?'

Think you missed the sarcasm that’s obviously there in that post.

FourTeaFallOut · 08/02/2022 16:02

It's sarcasm.

ThursdayLastWeek · 08/02/2022 16:03

I don’t think anyone likes having their life dismissed as 'easy' by someone who is supposed to care about them.

MoonBat · 08/02/2022 16:04

YANBU to think that, because some people are of that opinion.

Unfortunately many slim people think overweight people are ONLY overweight because they eat crap and don't exercise.

Works both ways, and tbh I'd rather be on your side of it.