AIBU to get bit annoyed that people assume I just “don’t put on weight”

[mumof2exhausted]

I’m a size 10 at the moment - been 10/12 most of my life apart from when I drank too much/ate kebabs at uni and when I was pregnant. This is not because of magic genes it’s because I consistently exercise and I watch what I eat.

I have a friend who is always on a fad diet and is over weight by a few stone (she is always moaning about her weight). She says all the time to me “oh you’re alright you never have to watch your weight”. I do though!! I went on an all inclusive holiday a few months ago and I did barely any exercise and ate and drank everything in sight and I put on a stone in 2 weeks!! It’s gone now as I’m back to eating normally and exercising.

AIBU to say some overweight people genuinely seem to think slimmer people are just lucky and it’s nothing to do with the fact we move more and eat less. When my friend says it to me I just say hmmmm as I don’t want an argument with her and I know she’s unhappy with her size so it’s pointless to point out that i average 20,000 steps, I have an active job, I go to gym 4 times a week and I roughly eat 1800 calories a day

YANBU

I have been between a U.K. 8-10 for all of my life and was actually heavier in Secondary but have never been overweight. I’ve dealt with comments on my size, weight, and even how I eat from relatives because I’m the slender one. My mother and my sister were my worst bullies. Questions like “why don’t you have a six pack at 15? Why do your clavicles jut out, are you becoming anorexics? Regardless of gain or loss, there was always comments. Even overheard my mother talking to her sister about how disappointed she was I was still slender after having my first and sighing in defeat that I was again with my second. Many of them rarely ever take into account how much thought and action it took to maintain and lose weight.

I walk everywhere and have done so for the most part since I was six. When my dad came gone from work, I was straight outside riding my bike around for hours up and down hills. I had dance classes from 10-16. I learned my triggers early after moving from my parents and going to uni. Stress is a massive trigger for my weight gain so I try to keep it down and when I do feel stressed I usually exercise, going on long walks. I partake in physical hobbies like hiking and gardening, I drink high calorie drinks as a treat once maybe 2/3 months. I eat my biggest meals in the day and light meals in the evening, intermittent fasting, being creative with swaps asking myself what I enjoy about the foods I eat, eating on smaller plates and bowls (dessert size) , not feeling I have to finish my plate, taking my vitamins and the right dosage for my body, etc..

It’s years of learning and picking things up along the way and not wanting to end up with the health issues that my parents, sister, and many other family members deal with. My grandmother was obese and she spent the last years of her life wheelchair-bound in agony, with two large bags of pills on top of insulin injections taken every day. That is not how I want to end up nor would wish that existence on anyone. I also have an autistic son who will one day be bigger and likely stronger than me and I will somehow have to manage that if something happens to my DH and I become a single mum.

*most of my life

YANBU

Reminds me of people at school who used to say “you’re so lucky you get maths, wish I could be like you”. It wasn’t luck, it was hours and hour of studying after school and at the weekends.

It’s the dismissing of your effort, at the same time as moaning about their circumstances, that’s annoying. It doesn’t bother me any more, I just feel sorry for these people because they’re clearly either not capable of thinking logically or pushing themselves. Their choice 🤷‍♀️

@latetothefisting I wouldn't say thin equals underweight. I'm 5ft 10, bmi 19 ish, size 10/12

YABU but only because I really don't think many people do think that I think most people think the opposite is true- that thin people work hard at being thin. I think it was UCL who did some research on 'naturally thin' people and it is a small percentage of people that are naturally thin but that i mean don't exercise excessively or purposely, eat what they like when they like and never put weight on! This is really very rare so I can't imagine thinking that it is easy or not worked at is a common thought. What is more likely is, 'it is alright for you, you are thin and you don't have to worry about one off night'

Ugh you're clearly touching a nerve with some posters OP. I hate these threads as they inevitably get sneery defensive replies.

I put on a bit of weight over lockdown when I stopped moving WFH and not going out, and snacking more. I lost it again by stopping snacking and exercising most days. Now I can 'eat what I want' and I'm sure from the outside people think I'm just 'lucky' but it does take work. You can't just sit on your arse ordering takeaways then blame 'luck' or 'genes' when you're fat fgs. Most people underestimate how much they eat and overestimate how much they burn off.

It's frustrating OP. I'm only within the healthy weight range because I eat healthily and exercise five days a week. I come from a long line of chubsters and if I take my eye off the ball I can gain a stone in a fortnight

I have a naturally skinny friend (8 stone dripping wet) who rolls her eyes at my gym habit. Yes she's sylph-like a la 90s Kate Moss but she gets out of breath walking to her car.

@HunterHearstHelmsley

YANBU

I used to be a size 6-8 and people used to make comments all the time. As though it just happened!

It's disgraceful that it's acceptable to comment on someone's weight if they're slim, but if any one says something about someone larger then its "fat shaming". I specifically remember one woman who always used to say how I needed to eat a sausage roll/doughnut/whatever, it was every day. She cried when I suggested she shouldn't and couldn't see the comparison to what she was saying to me daily.

I eat a lot. I exercise a lot. If I didn't exercise as much, I wouldn't eat as much.

Yes this! People thinking its acceptable to comment if you are slim! I had a period of awful depression and anxiety in my mid twenties and completely lost my appetite and enjoyment of eating. Size 6 clothes were too loose on me.

When people , both those I knew and complete strangers would say how lucky I was to be so skinny I used to feel like shouting at them andntelling them I would rather be bigger and not severely depressed.

I never gained weight & ate & drank whatever I liked, I walked everywhere though. Overweight people constantly told me I didn’t deserve to be thin 🤔 I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone that they deserve to be fat, for whatever reason. My very fat (I wouldn’t normally say the F word about anyone, but I want to insult her) jealous sister was obsessed with my weight, & absolutely hated me for it. I got ill & gained weight, I hoped she would like me because of the weight gain, she didn’t. OP, if you do an AI it’s best to try & lose a stone beforehand, then you’ll be the same weight upon your return. Tell the friend to fuck off.

[quote bindud]@latetothefisting I wouldn't say thin equals underweight. I'm 5ft 10, bmi 19 ish, size 10/12[/quote]
I thought you were responding "depends on height" in relation to the "is a healthy size" part of the sentence rather than the "thin" part.

So I was saying that a size ten is a healthy size for the majority of people regardless of their height - for it to not be a healthy size (i.e. too heavy or not heavy enough for their frame) they'd have to be at the very extreme of the height range for women. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

I get this now - I’m size 10 and people comment on how I’m lucky I’m so slim. It’s not luck though, I work hard at it, walking lots, running 50km a week, watching I’m not eating junk. In the past I was several stone overweight. I know how easy it can happen, it’s not down to luck, it’s ongoing vigilance- but I don’t mind it, I love fruit and healthy eating now, I think when you reduce processed sugar from your diet your tastebuds change. I’m also very focussed on running and that helps me think about eating to fuel my body correctly.

I really agree with you I'm very overweight and chatting with also overweight friends they seem to think people are naturally slim. I'm like they are not! They watch what they eat constantly. However I think this myth is because slim people are very often underplaying the work they put in to maintaining their weight.

Ooh lots of jealous people on here....🤣🤣. I completely agree OP. It's easier for fat people to think that being slim is just your luck and not down to hard work and willpower. And just for the record- a size 10-12 IS slim...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yanbu, but threads about weight and people taking responsibility for their weight or for berating slim people never go well.

Some people are just lucky though, my dad never did deliberate exercise in his life, and wasn’t generally active at all with an incredibly sedentary job. He ate like a monster, never a biscuit always a packet, a multipack of crisps, takeaways all the time, cooked breakfast with fried bread a few times a week etc. Had a 32 inch waist at 65 and considered that ‘middle aged spread’ sadly I did not inherit his metabolism.

Not really, you'd have to be extremely tall (like well over 6 foot) for a size ten to be underweight,

I don't think I'm extremely tall though & I reckon I need to be 9 st to be a 10 all over. That puts me as an underweight BMi which I was when young but not now.

I was naturally skinny though & are rubbish. My dad is similar

ate

I don't think this is bragging at all - it's just the truth!

@FourTeaFallOut

The thing about being very disciplined and thin is that you really don't get enough kudos for it - is that about it, op? Sounds tough.

That's not it though is it? Say you worked hard all day cleaning your house and then someone commented how 'naturally tidy and clean' it is... I'd tell 'em I'd spent the day cleaning!

But people don't think that, I don't know anyone that thinks people have to not make any effort to be slim. If anything, all I hear are remarks that border on the risky about very slim peope like they must have an eating disorder or exercise loads and are pretty vain but don't care about exercising the brain! Maybe she says that in front of you to make you feel good about yourself because everybody would love to be 'naturally thin' rather than having to work at it, it is a bit insulting to say you have to work very hard indeed to look good and deny yourself food and pleasure and must be typical fairly vacuous as the way you look is all consuming!

What a strange post. What's the point of it? You know nothing of your friend's medical history. She could have any number of conditions which make weightloss harder. PCOS for example (as I did) or thyroid issues.

Likewise a history of dieting may well have lead her to disordered eating.

Who knows!

Fact is you are thinner than she is and it seems to be an issue for you. Why?

Your list comes across as strange and a tad smug.

I appreciate that you work hard for your health and your body; but I don't think you're making allowances for the fact that some people seem (genetically?) prone to putting on weight very very easily and some people simply don't.
Some people seem to have to work much harder to keep weight off and it must be very easy to feel demotivated by the constant struggle. Other people have to make little to no effort - it just doesn't strike me as a level playing field and hence not very fair to make comparisons or generalisations.
I've been a size 8 all my adult life (barring two pregnancies). I eat large portions, I love food and have a big appetite. Sometimes I eat pretty healthily, sometimes less so. But I always have pudding. And cake. And biscuits. I never think twice about what, or how much, I eat.
Sometimes there are periods of time when I exercise regularly. Sometimes there are long periods of time when I do nothing. It makes no difference to how I look. The weight fell off me post pregnancy, I didn't do anything to make it happen - I certainly didn't have to "work" for it.
I half-expected to start putting on weight in middle age, to start having to watch what I eat, as everyone says you do. I'm 49 now and that doesn't seem to be happening. I remain the same clothes size (and almost the same shape, although without quite such a small waist and with slightly bigger hips) as I was in my twenties.
I'm just saying this to point out that I can take absolutely no credit for this. There is nothing virtuous that I've done to "achieve" it. It's just me. Maybe lucky genetics (and I can enjoy it now, but I spent my teens and early twenties hating being skinny and trying to eat more and weight train to - unsuccessfully - put weight on)

It’s funny this should crop up. We had this very discussion in the (busy) staff room at work yesterday. A (nice) colleague was saying she couldn’t seem to lose weight no matter what she did, then looked over at me and said I was lucky. Another colleague (who is very slim and also a right cowbag) piped up, “When do you ever see Pictish eating crap? She’s slim because she watches what she eats and exercises. So do I. It’s not by magic!”
Stunned silence. Nice colleague was scarlet. So awkward. It’s true but there was no need to say it like that.
Some people are naturally slender and slight in build, others are slim because they’re not particularly interested in food. I am slim because as a dyed in the wool greedy bastard, I make eating a well balanced diet a priority. I’d soon put on weight if I didn’t.
I stay fit by regular exercise (running) which contributes to maintaining my weight as well. I AM fortunate to be mobile and able.
Not going to lie…I don’t eat whatever I want while I do get up at silly o’clock to run before work. It’s a conscious choice and effort. No one else is obliged to do the same but it’s the only way I’ve found to remain fit and slim that works.

Stunned silence all round.

@pictish

It’s funny this should crop up. We had this very discussion in the (busy) staff room at work yesterday. A (nice) colleague was saying she couldn’t seem to lose weight no matter what she did, then looked over at me and said I was lucky. Another colleague (who is very slim and also a right cowbag) piped up, “When do you ever see Pictish eating crap? She’s slim because she watches what she eats and exercises. So do I. It’s not by magic!” Stunned silence. Nice colleague was scarlet. So awkward. It’s true but there was no need to say it like that. Some people are naturally slender and slight in build, others are slim because they’re not particularly interested in food. I am slim because as a dyed in the wool greedy bastard, I make eating a well balanced diet a priority. I’d soon put on weight if I didn’t. I stay fit by regular exercise (running) which contributes to maintaining my weight as well. I AM fortunate to be mobile and able. Not going to lie…I don’t eat whatever I want while I do get up at silly o’clock to run before work. It’s a conscious choice and effort. No one else is obliged to do the same but it’s the only way I’ve found to remain fit and slim that works.

Stunned silence all round.

Wow your colleague was harsh! That’s kind of my point I have never said anything like that (obviously would be much kinder to my friend) but maybe by not mentioning that I do actually watch what I eat and am very active I maintain my weight she is under the impression it’s all just luck?

I’ve be friends with her for 30 years and know about health issues and there are none. She does eat a lot (which she is very aware of ) and she does no exercise and works from home. Often her steps per day are less than 5000.

BUT I am not annoyed about her weight. It’s none of my business. It’s just frustrating that she goes on ALL THE TIME about the fact I’m so lucky. Literally every time a morsel of food goes into my mouth I hear her sigh and say “oh you’re so lucky”…