AIBU to get bit annoyed that people assume I just “don’t put on weight”

[mumof2exhausted]

I’m a size 10 at the moment - been 10/12 most of my life apart from when I drank too much/ate kebabs at uni and when I was pregnant. This is not because of magic genes it’s because I consistently exercise and I watch what I eat.

I have a friend who is always on a fad diet and is over weight by a few stone (she is always moaning about her weight). She says all the time to me “oh you’re alright you never have to watch your weight”. I do though!! I went on an all inclusive holiday a few months ago and I did barely any exercise and ate and drank everything in sight and I put on a stone in 2 weeks!! It’s gone now as I’m back to eating normally and exercising.

AIBU to say some overweight people genuinely seem to think slimmer people are just lucky and it’s nothing to do with the fact we move more and eat less. When my friend says it to me I just say hmmmm as I don’t want an argument with her and I know she’s unhappy with her size so it’s pointless to point out that i average 20,000 steps, I have an active job, I go to gym 4 times a week and I roughly eat 1800 calories a day

I used to get this, OP, when I was a size 8-10 - friends used to say, ‘You’re just lucky, you can eat whatever you like’.

Actually I wasn’t working at it - I just had a very small appetite and wasn’t fond of a lot of sweet things. So no virtue on my part. But friends who were prone to putting weight on still liked to think I was stuffing cream cakes and biscuits all day and not putting an ounce on. It didn’t matter how often I told them I just didn’t eat much - they chose not to believe it.

One so-called friend even spread a rumour that I was anorexic - apparently because I declined biscuits at her house. Probably horrible custard creams, and in any case at the time I preferred a cig with my coffee. It was months before I found out what she’d been saying.

I’m a lot older now, and no longer an 8-10!

I have come to love running but I’ve been at it for four years or so now. I live in close proximity to a lovely hill range and beautiful country estate and always trail run off road or in the hills. Fantastic scenery. It feeds my head and keeps me trim. Having had a couple of (inevitable) running related injuries which have forced me to lay off the runs for a few weeks, I feel pent up and frustrated when I can’t go.

YANBU - from a bona fide ex fat lass. I used to be nearly 20st. Got down to 9st and have gained a few back during Covid but working on getting it off again.

When I was very big, I used to look at slim colleagues eating salad for lunch and wonder why when they were already small so could have had a nicer lunch.

I knew all about calories and exercise but just didn't really apply it to myself. I didn't have a clue about what a healthy weight actually was even though I knew I was bigger than I should be. Even now, when in a bad eating rut I can deliberately ignore nutrition labels on food as if that makes the calories not matter. And I am very well informed about food now compared to before.

Denial about eating and weight can be very powerful. My weight will be a battle for the rest of my life and it took me years to accept that.

Why do you care?

It isnt all discipline though. It just isn't.

I have a friend who is very careful with diet and exercises as much as you, she's definitely not a size 10.

I by contrast, eat more and exercise less than her but am a fair bit slimmer.

I don't know why that is but you must acknowledge that some people are more prone to certain body shapes/sizes

@latetothefisting thank you!!

Whilst it's pretty dumb to presume someone who is slim has no issues with food / weight / lifestyle to maintain their weight, the "we move more and eat less" rhetoric is equally ignorant and unkind. There are so many factors influencing weight, fitness and an individual's capacity to exercise - if you're capable of doing 20k steps a day and controlling your weight on 1800kcal, you are fairly lucky in terms of health at least. I routinely do double that - because I'm bloody lucky to have a job / lifestyle that facilitates it, and I'm currently healthy enough to do it. It means I can eat what I like, mostly. It would be cruel of me to use my privilege to make friends with physical and mental health issues and office jobs feel bad about their weight.

They literally just said this on GMB. Did anyone else hear it ? "I think your one of the lucky ones Richard who can eat what they want and don't put weight on"
He said no I'm not I have to watch what I eat because my dad died of a heart attack and I'm worried about that

I don't really understand how anyone would come to the conclusion that an absence of food (small appetite) and a cigarette smoking habit does not help someone remain small. I was like this in my early 20s and guess what was very light indeed. I mean it's not rocket science. Who are all these people that would genuinely say, 'she hardly eats and smokes instead of snacking but it's a really quandary as to why she is so slim, she's lucky she is she can eat what she wants'. Like I said, I just find the opposite is true so people say she's thinking because she has a small appetite and smokes- hardly rocket science or she is thin because she eats relatively normally and walks at 20000 steps a day in her active job! That's loads and when I have made time for that as I have a desk job the weight drops off me even if I'm eating shut cards like pizza. The problem is I don't have an active job and need to make that time to walk for 1.5hrs. Also, the lack of self discipline. I'm unsure why so many people are perplexed by this though.

Yes poor you, it must be terrible for you.

The last time I was naturally thin was when I was 5 before we went on holiday to
America. Apparently the family history goes that I discovered McDonalds and came back fat.

So I've never really had a normal relationship with food. I found it hard the other day when I went out for lunch with my two thin friends, they both had cake for dessert- I couldn't because I was full. But then my friend said she'd have nothing for dinner, so that made sense.

Please do tell your friend about the calorie counting, exercise and ongoing vigilance. It may give her hope that a change is achievable. But also tell her not to
Comment on what you eat, as that's just rude.

It is bloody annoying to be told you are ‘lucky’ to achieve something when it’s actually involved a bit of work. Same as if you were told you were ‘lucky’ to pass an exam or ‘lucky’ never to have had any speeding points. And the implication that the other person was just ‘unlucky’ to fail that exam or ‘unlucky’ to have got caught by a speed camera.

That said, I do think people who do this are in the minority (hard stare at occasional co-worker who told me I was lucky to be able to burn off my food after I’d politely refused her offers of cake, biscuits and sweets).

Yes poor you, it must be terrible for you.

It is for most people when others make unsolicited comments on what they eat and their body regardless of size. I doubt you would enjoy it if someone commented on your body and food every time you are something or had food in your hand. It gets annoying really fast.

*ate

I think a lot of people genuinely can’t wrap their heads round it or don’t want to!

I literally went through my plan with someone and they said they couldn’t do all that. Then proceeded to say “lucky bitch!” as my weight fell off. So frustrating!!

I occasionally get "how do you stay so slim?!" I answer honestly - I eat low-carb and work out a lot - and their faces fall.

I suspect the thinking is that if I'm naturally slim then "it's not their fault" that they're not, they're just not as "lucky" as I am. If I'm slim because I work at it, well, then, so could they be. It takes away an excuse.

Not saying this how I think mind. I've been overweight, I know how hard it can be to lose the weight, and I don't judge people on how they look or what they weigh. But I do understand there's something comforting in thinking "she's just lucky she's so skinny!"

I would assume the same to be honest. That's because I'm a size 8 and I eat what I want and don't exercise. That might not last forever and then I'll need to join a gym!

Surely she knows though that u do watch what u eat and exercise to keep it off. Especially if u out a stone on and then take it off.

I thin

@Porcupineintherough

Yes poor you, it must be terrible for you.

Defensive much?

About two years ago I texted my friend saying “finally made it to 10stone through blood sweat and tears”. I’d finally gotten rid of any baby fat, gotten fit and turned the tide on the mid forties spread. I’d also been diagnosed with hashimotos so I was on thyroxine. Her reply was god I wish there was a pill I could take too to melt the weight off

I’d been slugging it out in the gym for a full year and feeling strong and healthy. Her response really fucked me off.

@OfstedOffred I’m sorry but rather than one of you magically defying physics is much more likely that one of you eats more/less calories than you think/claim you do.

I had an obese friend who I only ever saw eat very healthy. I asked how she managed to lose the weight when she did and she told me she had previously been very unhappy and had been binge eating large amounts of calories in the evenings . I think this sort of behaviour is more common than we realise.

To be honest, the 'rewards' of being slim are so great in themselves, it seems a bit much to expect a round of applause for it as well. Almost every aspect of your life will give you a resounding 'well done' for being slim, so why do you need recognition of the efforts you made to get something no one benefits from but you? And in some ways, you will be 'lucky'. Lucky you have the physical capability, health and time to exercise. Lucky you have the freedom to prioritise managing your weight. I'm size 8 now, but know that if it weren't for certain circumstances giving me a great deal more time, money and freedom, I probably wouldn't be. So yes, I put in effort, but I'm also lucky that I can.

YANBU, and I find the circular logic bizarre.

Friend calls, I answer.

Friend: "Where are you?"
Me: "On the way to the gym"
Friend: "You don't need to go to the gym!"

And the same thing for not having a second cake: "You don't need to watch what you eat!"

Just about everyone (past a certain age) will get fat if they eat lots of cakes and do no exercise. The reason I'm not overweight is because I go to the bloody gym, I don't actually like it there!

(And I don't understand why that might be classed as a "humble brag" or what the point would be - I'm totally anonymous and I don't care what anyone on here thinks of "AuntyBumBum" )

it seems a bit much to expect a round of applause for it as well

OP doesn't want a round of applause. She just doesn't want disingenuous assumptions and has already said she would prefer no comment at all.