Page 2 | AIBU to get bit annoyed that people assume I just “don’t put on weight”

Nipplynoranoo · 08/02/2022 16:06

@mmgirish

Is this a humble brag or stealth boast?

Both. And a 10/12 ain’t that thin.

Graphista · 08/02/2022 16:13

Well it is luck to a degree in that you're ABLE to do that level of exercise not everyone can or has an active job etc.

It's far more complex than "eat less move more" for many of us

I was skinny until I had dd, and since then it's been much harder to either keep weight down or lose it. Pre dd I could eat what I wanted and did a medium amount of exercise not loads and was a size 6-8 no problem.

Since dd I've been a 14 at slimmest!

Add in Mh issues, disability and meds that mess with metabolism and no it's really not as simply as "eat less move more"

Plus genetics are a factor too.

When you're healthy it's easy to stay that way. The longer you're unhealthy the harder it is to find a path back.

Totally agree

Original poster

mumof2exhausted · 08/02/2022 16:15

Ha ha I should have known humble brag / stealth post might have come up. It is mumsnet after all. At no point did I say I was thin! I don’t think a 10 is thin, I think it’s healthy size. I don’t think I deserve a medal for being a normal healthy size or a slow clap. I don’t think I’m better than my friend because I am I am slimmer than her. Thanks for the useful comments maybe there is a way I can say how much I do to maintain my weight without sounding like a dick. She goes on about it constantly that “I haven’t a clue how it feels as I’ve never had to watch my weight”. I’d rather no discuss weight at all, it’s her who constantly brings it up

OP posts:

Original poster

mumof2exhausted · 08/02/2022 16:17

I do understand it’s easier to maintain a healthy lifestyle / healthy weight and I’ve definitely had to try harder since having kids and hitting my 40s. I am fit and well (at the moment) which I do not take for granted as I have had periods of ill health. Having an active job does of course help.

OP posts:

FangsForTheMemory · 08/02/2022 16:17

I don't think it's 'some overweight people' who think this, although it may be 'some people'.

You sound as though you don't like fat people much.

PeeAche · 08/02/2022 16:17

Speaking as a bonafide thigh chafing, Wotsit eating chubster myself, YANBU.

It's just a thing we say to make it about you and not about us.

My mum (also fat) likes to force feed my husband because "he's thin, so he can take it". Newsflash: he's thin because he doesn't eat peanut butter as a hobby, mother.

Haffiana · 08/02/2022 16:20

The definition of an eating disorder is when thinking about food and food related issues such as weight gain or loss take up a disproportionate amount of your time. It is a mental health disorder, and is why threads like these fill up so fast.

It has nothing to do with your actual weight, what you eat or physical health.

earlydoors42 · 08/02/2022 16:22

I have this too, my friend always goes on about my "fast metabolism" and how I can eat what I want. I can't, as it makes me put weight on if I do.

bindud · 08/02/2022 16:24

But surely it's because so many people who are slim say they don't watch what they eat or whatever. On another thread someone said they weighed at their carbs every single time, another poster said I would only do that on a diet. The weighing poster got offended by this 🤷🏻‍♀️

bindud · 08/02/2022 16:25

I don’t think a 10 is thin, I think it’s healthy size

Depends on height surely

EmpressCixi · 08/02/2022 16:29

AIBU to say some overweight people genuinely seem to think slimmer people are just lucky and it’s nothing to do with the fact we move more and eat less.

Well, there are many people who are overweight because of long term health conditions or disabilities that mean that they literally cannot move more and already eat less but it makes no difference. So from that perspective you are a bit lucky and privileged to be able to be so active, to go 20,000 steps a day and exercise 4x a week in a paid gymnasium and to afford the time and money it takes to eat very healthily.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 08/02/2022 16:33

YANBU

I used to be a size 6-8 and people used to make comments all the time. As though it just happened!

It's disgraceful that it's acceptable to comment on someone's weight if they're slim, but if any one says something about someone larger then its "fat shaming". I specifically remember one woman who always used to say how I needed to eat a sausage roll/doughnut/whatever, it was every day. She cried when I suggested she shouldn't and couldn't see the comparison to what she was saying to me daily.

I eat a lot. I exercise a lot. If I didn't exercise as much, I wouldn't eat as much.

JessieLongleg · 08/02/2022 16:34

Wow so all fat people think slimmer people are just luckly. I don't , get that my slimmer friend put on weigh on hoildays as like you say knocked they routine and over ate. And my husband says yest he can eat more but is very active. Try being disabled with the kind of body that sees a desserts and puts inch on the hips. People instantly presume it's you weight that's holding you back and don't make the link between general activity and controling weight. Seriously find just going to buy food is to much where as when working and well 10-20k steps as day was normal my weight was easier to control. Don't take any notice of anyone who goes on a fad diet. For example we look after a friend's dog who is always on fad diets and she always comment on how much the weight the dog loses when with us and that cos my husband takes her out 2 times a day and if she did the same could give up the fad diets.

PizzaCrust · 08/02/2022 16:38

@mumof2exhausted

I’m a size 10 at the moment - been 10/12 most of my life apart from when I drank too much/ate kebabs at uni and when I was pregnant. This is not because of magic genes it’s because I consistently exercise and I watch what I eat.

I have a friend who is always on a fad diet and is over weight by a few stone (she is always moaning about her weight). She says all the time to me “oh you’re alright you never have to watch your weight”. I do though!! I went on an all inclusive holiday a few months ago and I did barely any exercise and ate and drank everything in sight and I put on a stone in 2 weeks!! It’s gone now as I’m back to eating normally and exercising.

AIBU to say some overweight people genuinely seem to think slimmer people are just lucky and it’s nothing to do with the fact we move more and eat less. When my friend says it to me I just say hmmmm as I don’t want an argument with her and I know she’s unhappy with her size so it’s pointless to point out that i average 20,000 steps, I have an active job, I go to gym 4 times a week and I roughly eat 1800 calories a day

Some people are lucky though. Before I had kids, I was one of them.

UK size 6/8. Notoriously lazy, didn’t eat a single healthy thing, take outs nearly every day of the week, ate more than most men do at dinner. Never gained a pound.

Of course, the dream ended when I fell pregnant and all my old habits bit me on the arse when I gained about 5 stone . But genuinely, from the age of about 13 until I was in my mid twenties I was the same size consistently despite my horrendous lifestyle.

Now, I’ve lost most of the baby weight by not doing much at all- I don’t move particularly much and I don’t really diet. If I got into fitness/healthy eating I could absolutely be the same size I was before, but it’s not my thing so I accept being a size 12.

I’d just accept the compliment and stop being so shitty about your friend, tbh. She clearly feels bad about her body and instead of coming on here whining about her, maybe think about ways you can build her up.

And, finally, sorry if this is a bit snippy but a size 10-12 isn’t “small”. It’s a healthy weight but on the slightly curvier side, and a size 12 on a certain height would also be classified as overweight. So I would really be looking to lose the cockiness you’ve seen to adapted about how slight you are, as it probably rubs off on her too and it isn’t even the case.

JessieLongleg · 08/02/2022 16:39

@16:04MoonBat

Totally agree I'm big boned, it is a thing 5ft10 and smallest hips size 16, even at a size 22 you can still feel my bones sticking out. I should have two add on of percentage for the BMI as very naturally muscles. But I just get hate from the fat girls as don't have so much lose fat. But skinny People mainly just see as fat. I would much rather be skinny or someone who can fit into body ideals with a bit of management.

I can't wait to go to the baby show in a wheelchair that will really mess people's heads up lol

gunnersgold · 08/02/2022 16:39

I'm a size 8-10, everyday is a battle to not eat too much . The only way to stay slim is to eat very sensibly . It is not luck and people shouldn't presume . I choose this life because I like clothes and hate being fat because it's uncomfortable but it's tiresome and no luck involved !

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/02/2022 16:41

If you look at an actually representative sample, you will get a mixture of people who say

I'm naturally small/struggle to keep weight on/couldn't possibly eat that much/sit down
I keep an eye on it but it's pretty easy
It's constant vigilance and discipline
I'm [enter size consistent with being in the lower half of healthy BMI] but I'm a bit of a porker/let myself go/can't control myself like very slim people do.
EDs suck. It's only 'easy' because the ED makes the alternative too terrifying to contemplate.

LondonReturner · 08/02/2022 16:48

But some people don't watch what they eat and stay slim. Between the ages of about 21 and 40 I could eat whatever I wanted and not put on a pound - just like a teenage boy. Just had a ridiculously fast metabolism. Almost overnight at 40, that changed. Now if I eat more and move less than usual I can feel the weight go on.

user94747295 · 08/02/2022 16:49

I actually agree with you. I was so strict with my diet and excersize before I had kids and people thought I was naturally slim. I used to get it all the time about how lucky I was. I'm chubby now though

Nomorefuckstogive · 08/02/2022 16:55

I get you, OP. YANBU. Most people have to work at staying slim and everyone has to work at being fit. I feel it’s more a choice than anything else. You prioritise being fit and slim, some other people don’t. It’s very rare to do as you like and stay slim and fit.

Snuggleworm · 08/02/2022 16:58

@mmgirish

Is this a humble brag or stealth boast?

I was wondering this too.

deeplyrooted · 08/02/2022 17:06

I get the passive aggressive comments at every family meal. I never judge what anyone orders, I don’t care a jot what weight you are, I just want to eat in peace.

If I order a salad that’s wrong - I eat like a rabbit. If I order a dessert - that’s wrong too.

It’s like you’ve betrayed the sisterhood if you’re not trying to lose a few pounds.

latetothefisting · 08/02/2022 17:11

@bindud

I don’t think a 10 is thin, I think it’s healthy size

Depends on height surely

Not really, you'd have to be extremely tall (like well over 6 foot) for a size ten to be underweight, or very very short (significantly under 5 foot) for it to be overweight.

@chickenninja - A stealth boast and a humble brag are similar but not the same. The key difference is the "stealth" part of the stealth boast - so it can't be directly about the topic being discussed. Here OPs weight is directly relevant to the question she's raising so it can't be a stealth boast. If she had chucked in that this conversation with her friend took place in [x expensive restaurant], or that she has an active [and very well paying job] that would be a stealth boast. Think of the people who post pictures captioned "new nails," but the photo is of the nails carefully positioned holding a designed brand/on the steering wheel of their new Audi, for example.

Whereas the relevant part of the humble brag is the "humble" so the brag/boast can be very obvious as long as the poster pretends it is nothing to do with her own actions and just a lucky coincidence - so same post as this but instead of clarifying how much effort she goes into to maintain her weight she would have said "I feel sorry for [friend]I can eat anything I want and still stay the same size, guess I'm just lucky" (tinkly laugh....)

freesolo · 08/02/2022 17:14

For some people it is luck. I'm 44 and a size 8-10, I try to exercise 3 times a week but I often end up only going once, I probably average 2 a week. I don't watch watch what I eat at all, In fact I'm really greedy and do worry about my overall health as I should eat healthier.

chickenninja · 08/02/2022 17:23

Thank you @latetothefisting for the excellent definition