AIBU to get bit annoyed that people assume I just “don’t put on weight”

[mumof2exhausted]

I’m a size 10 at the moment - been 10/12 most of my life apart from when I drank too much/ate kebabs at uni and when I was pregnant. This is not because of magic genes it’s because I consistently exercise and I watch what I eat.

I have a friend who is always on a fad diet and is over weight by a few stone (she is always moaning about her weight). She says all the time to me “oh you’re alright you never have to watch your weight”. I do though!! I went on an all inclusive holiday a few months ago and I did barely any exercise and ate and drank everything in sight and I put on a stone in 2 weeks!! It’s gone now as I’m back to eating normally and exercising.

AIBU to say some overweight people genuinely seem to think slimmer people are just lucky and it’s nothing to do with the fact we move more and eat less. When my friend says it to me I just say hmmmm as I don’t want an argument with her and I know she’s unhappy with her size so it’s pointless to point out that i average 20,000 steps, I have an active job, I go to gym 4 times a week and I roughly eat 1800 calories a day

She probably doesn’t think it’s just luck, or not in the way you think. I recently had almost the opposite conversation with a colleague, who said she was trying to “do a bit more” which included an extra hour’s hike in the morning with her dog, and various other things. My reaction was to say, “Well that’ll be why you’re so much slimmer than me then,” (said without rancour - simple statement of fact).

That said, I do envy slim people, not because I think it’s effortless, but because they find the willpower to do all that stuff, whereas even though I want to in theory, I never have. I do think that for some people, eating is an addiction and a very difficult one to control. I admire my colleague’s effort and don’t grudge her her thinness, I just don’t know how to get myself there: theoretically yes, practically no. And that’s very hard to explain to someone who does manage it and makes it look effortless, even if it’s not.

That said, I hope your friend stops moaning about being overweight and telling you you’re lucky. Just the moaning would be deeply irritating, even without the lucky jibes.

Fact is you are thinner than she is and it seems to be an issue for you. Why?

Are we reading the same posts? The issue is the constant commenting from friend that OP is thinner and the assumption that it is easy for OP to be that way.

Many people regardless of weight do get annoyed with unwarranted comments about their body.

OP has said herself she doesn’t make comments to her friend because it’s none of her business so why is it her friend’s business about hers or to comment on it?

@phoenixrosehere

Fact is you are thinner than she is and it seems to be an issue for you. Why?

Are we reading the same posts? The issue is the constant commenting from friend that OP is thinner and the assumption that it is easy for OP to be that way.

Many people regardless of weight do get annoyed with unwarranted comments about their body.

OP has said herself she doesn’t make comments to her friend because it’s none of her business so why is it her friend’s business about hers or to comment on it?

Thank you. This is it exactly. I’d rather never talk about weight at all. I don’t feel the need to comment on her weight but it’s fine to comment on mine as I’m only slim because of “good genes “ apparently!

Mumsnet is so weird when a slim person posts anything weight related. It's like if you are slim you should just be grateful and never comment.

OP, I get it. I am slim but find it massively difficult to be so. At my smallest I was exercising for 3 hours a day and eating very little. I would have been annoyed with any "it's just luck" comments.

I remember the staff room conversations too. All my colleagues discussing their various dieting attempts on a daily basis, comparing their home made salads and counting calories, complaining about the unsuccessful attempts to lose weight. It was constant and everyone had to listen to it because it was the daily conversation to have , the majority trying to lose weight and encouraging each other . I was a size 6 back then and I can’t even imagine joining in to share my eating habits or compare my meals and exercise routine. I would’ve instantly been accused of bragging or being insensitive because I was ‘the skinny one’.

Double standards but it’s true that slim people can’t just state a simple fact that they eat reasonably and exercise , it’s not acceptable or seen as someone joining in a friendly conversation or even just sharing their experience with weight management. You need to be seen as unhappy with your body and never quite ‘there’ with your weight otherwise you’re just bragging.

If anyone has ever watched Supersize vs Super Skinny they will agree, whilst it's at the extreme end of the scale, there's a huge discrepancy in the sheer quantity and types of food fat vs slim people eat. Similarly with Secret Eaters, without fail every person at the start says 'all my slim friends eat way more than me and I just can't understand why I hardly eat anything and I'm overweight'. Even the woman with PCOS lost weight on that show when she was shown the camera footage, which showed her eating far more than she admitted to in her food diary.

It's very easy to be in denial about weight, and the causes, but it's unfair to put the blame on 'slim people' for being 'lucky' and avoid personal responsiblity.

Why are some of you telling the OP she is not slim? Surely she knows. An old colleague was an Olympian but no longer competing and just very very slim. Definitely bony, any skinnier and you'd think she had an issue. She was about 5'11 and wore a size 12. I'm pretty chunky at size 10-12 as I'm 5'5 but small boned. I don't think you can really tell just based on someone's dress size.

It's annoying when people make repeated confident statements about your life that are removed from reality & don't want to hear any contradictions.

My dad does this sometimes. Not about my weight but about other stuff. He just assumes he knows how things are in my life when he knows nothing.

YANBU. My best friend and I have been friends for 30 years and we were both always the skinny ones and had years of people commenting on how lucky we were, always in a snidey way too. It really pissed her off because she barely eats enough to keep a sparrow going, whereas I was one of the lucky naturally skinny people who ate crap. Now we’ve hit our 40s she still barely eats a thing and exercises loads and is still thin I’m still lazy and eat crap but I’ve got fat now. Nobody ever comments on my weight now but she still gets it all the time. People think she’s oh so lucky but she’s actually really bloody disciplined.

Don’t get annoyed - just say - ‘actually I have to keep on top of it and watch what I eat’.
For some People it’s not as easy as stick to 1800 calories and walk a lot but if that’s what works for you then that’s what works for you.

Again, people just don't think this as they know for most it is not true. The only time I hear anyone going on about this is from a very thin, small acquaintance but there is no doubt she has issues, does the classic baking of loads of Brownies, bread, never eats any of it herself but is regularly telling anyone who will listen that she is so thin now and she is worried about eat. My friend who is is also very thin suggested she gorge on chocolate if she wants to put on weight but she said that she couldn't do that. It's a false sense of pride and think that's equally as strange as going on about how lucky someone is to be thin.

No. I get the opposite. People forever telling me they wouldn't want to 'starve themselves' and life's too short and they wouldn't want to be too thin anyway. Which is excellent, because they don't envy me, and I don't envy them, and we get on with our own lives.

Slim people often assume overweight people are stupid, lazy and greedy, more frequently, more openly and often laced with much more vehemence and judgement.

Its a bit like how people assume all overweight people eat chips and kebabs all day and just watch tv when there are many many factors not involving that

I get this about running… “you’re so lucky you can run” “I wish I enjoyed running line you”

I don’t “enjoy” running, I hate it slightly less than the other options and if I didn’t run to balance out my love of food, I’d be massive. I’d much rather sit on the sofa watching Netflix while eating Ben and Jerrys. And no I don’t get any chemical boost after a run… I just feel tired and achy but glad I ran as I don’t have to feel guilty about the cake I consumed earlier in the day. Oh and 4 years ago I couldn’t/didn’t run but I saw others around me and set myself a goal of doing 10 park runs. If I still hated it by number 10 I’d stop. By number 10 I didn’t hate it, had made friends and had more confidence about not being terrible at it. I’m not fast but I do it. To some people, that makes me lucky as they think I naturally run rather than it being something I forced myself into mid 30s in an attempt not to be a lazy lump (my natural inclination is to this).

@phoenixrosehere

Fact is you are thinner than she is and it seems to be an issue for you. Why?

Are we reading the same posts? The issue is the constant commenting from friend that OP is thinner and the assumption that it is easy for OP to be that way.

Many people regardless of weight do get annoyed with unwarranted comments about their body.

OP has said herself she doesn’t make comments to her friend because it’s none of her business so why is it her friend’s business about hers or to comment on it?

It's like I said upthread. It's OK for someone to make repeated comments to slimmer people, but if something is said back they are the ones in wrong/with issues/bragging

Yanbu

I always get told this or things along the lines of

"Oh you're so tiny you can have what you like"

No I'm tiny because I don't eat lots of food. I eat everything but in smaller portions. I do control my weight by controlling what I eat.

I'm pregnant atm and I know I've got a job on my hands once the baby is here to bring my weight down again to a place where I feel comfortable

Why on earth do you care OP? I’m also slim & get similar comments from people. In fact like you it does take effort to stay slim, as I bloody love food. But it doesn’t bother me at all, I just smile & nod along. It sounds so petty to care.

I'm not skinny but I am happy with my weight. I could easily eat a lot more but I don't. I eat any kind of food I want, don't count calories or avoid anything.
I think it's possible to make a choice about being happy with the size you are and stick with it.
I like food too much to survive on 1800 calories.

I don't get the brag.
OP is saying she's a size 10. Which is a healthy size. She's not saying she's a tiny size 6 and only lives on Mac Donald's is she.
She says she watches her calorie intake, goes to the gym a lot to maintain this.
Why is that a brag?
Good sense tbh.
I'm the same OP- I had to up my gym and swap beer for gin and slimline 😆 and say no to puddings 😭

Thank you. This is it exactly. I’d rather never talk about weight at all. I don’t feel the need to comment on her weight but it’s fine to comment on mine as I’m only slim because of “good genes “ apparently!

I’ve only discussed one person’s weight and that was my best friend out of concern. Her and I are both slim and we both have endured the constant talk about our size for years. It got to the point for her that she struggled to eat in front of people at times.

At that time, she wasn’t slim anymore, she was almost skeletal. Her cheeks were sunken in, I could see her bones through her chest. I couldn’t not say something and asked her if she was ok. She said that she hadn’t believed anyone about how small she had gotten because she was used to such comments so ignored them. We had known each other for about 15 years (friends for 13) and I had never once asked, commented or talked about her weight or anything close to it until then so for me to do so was pretty serious. She was under a lot of stress and was having health issues. They lessened dramatically and she gained her weight back once she divorced her ex DH and got away from her toxic mil.

You are coming across as a bit of a humble bragger OP, but you aren’t wrong - I do think some long term overweight people don’t realise that a lot of slim people work to stay that way.

HOWEVER a lot of overweight people have a emotional reliance on food (which is how they got fat), which means that just watching what you eat is a lot harder, in that you live three quarters of your life wanting to Hoover up the fridge as a stress management aid. It’s an arse.

@phoenixrosehere

Thank you. This is it exactly. I’d rather never talk about weight at all. I don’t feel the need to comment on her weight but it’s fine to comment on mine as I’m only slim because of “good genes “ apparently!

I’ve only discussed one person’s weight and that was my best friend out of concern. Her and I are both slim and we both have endured the constant talk about our size for years. It got to the point for her that she struggled to eat in front of people at times.

At that time, she wasn’t slim anymore, she was almost skeletal. Her cheeks were sunken in, I could see her bones through her chest. I couldn’t not say something and asked her if she was ok. She said that she hadn’t believed anyone about how small she had gotten because she was used to such comments so ignored them. We had known each other for about 15 years (friends for 13) and I had never once asked, commented or talked about her weight or anything close to it until then so for me to do so was pretty serious. She was under a lot of stress and was having health issues. They lessened dramatically and she gained her weight back once she divorced her ex DH and got away from her toxic mil.

This is awful. I hope your friend is ok now. I am a very healthy size 10, never been skinnier (haven’t the energy or will power or desire to be) so she’s not talking to me about it out of concern.

@cherrybonbons

I don't get the brag. OP is saying she's a size 10. Which is a healthy size. She's not saying she's a tiny size 6 and only lives on Mac Donald's is she. She says she watches her calorie intake, goes to the gym a lot to maintain this. Why is that a brag? Good sense tbh. I'm the same OP- I had to up my gym and swap beer for gin and slimline 😆 and say no to puddings 😭

Ha ha yep! Have to admit when I was younger and before I had kids I probably didn’t have to be as vigilant but feel like after 3 kids and turning 40 I need to keep on it. Not just for the aesthetics but because I want to be fit and healthy.

Also to the runner. I bloody hate running too but I do it - in a club now so enjoy the social side but still hate the actual running!!

@NeedAHoliday2021

I get this about running… “you’re so lucky you can run” “I wish I enjoyed running line you”

I don’t “enjoy” running, I hate it slightly less than the other options and if I didn’t run to balance out my love of food, I’d be massive. I’d much rather sit on the sofa watching Netflix while eating Ben and Jerrys. And no I don’t get any chemical boost after a run… I just feel tired and achy but glad I ran as I don’t have to feel guilty about the cake I consumed earlier in the day. Oh and 4 years ago I couldn’t/didn’t run but I saw others around me and set myself a goal of doing 10 park runs. If I still hated it by number 10 I’d stop. By number 10 I didn’t hate it, had made friends and had more confidence about not being terrible at it. I’m not fast but I do it. To some people, that makes me lucky as they think I naturally run rather than it being something I forced myself into mid 30s in an attempt not to be a lazy lump (my natural inclination is to this).

Ha ha I’ve had this as I joined a running club and recently did a 10k race. Hated every bloody second of it. Had a few friends say “oh I wish I could just go for a run like you…” I wanted to see if I could do it and thought it’d be good for my waistline! It was but I’m done with it. At the beginning I literally couldn’t run for 1 minute but I stuck with it.