Page 6 | AIBU to get bit annoyed that people assume I just “don’t put on weight”

FourChimneys · 09/02/2022 14:31

It makes me cross too. Going by close family members with whom I have a very similar build, I should be a 14 to 16. I prefer to be an 8 and make a big effort with diet and exercise to maintain that. So fed up of all the "Well, it's alright for you, you're skinny" comments.

I'm not always polite in my replies.

5128gap · 09/02/2022 15:03

@TibetanTerrah

it seems a bit much to expect a round of applause for it as well

OP doesn't want a round of applause. She just doesn't want disingenuous assumptions and has already said she would prefer no comment at all.

The specific point of issue raised in the OP, is that of people assuming she is slim due to good fortune, therefore failing to recognise the hard work and cimmittment she has shown to achieve it.

TibetanTerrah · 09/02/2022 15:07

@5128gap just because you don't want someone dismissing your "achievements" with their own false narrative, that doesn't actually mean you want praise or a round of applause either. You can just want no comment at all, which is what OP clarified later.

Natty13 · 09/02/2022 15:12

Well, yeah. I don't need to be praised for doing my day job but if my manager started (incorrectly) saying that my colleagues were doing it all I'd be complaining too.

SartresSoul · 09/02/2022 15:13

Some people do struggle to gain weight though, she shouldn’t assume you are one of those people but maybe next time just tell her you actually work hard to stay slim?

My DH struggles to gain weight, he’s been the same weight since we met years ago despite eating the same food as me. I gained loads of weight at one point, I did have 3 DC in quick succession though which played a part. We ate the same stuff, he was slightly more active than me I suppose but he didn’t gain a pound and I gained 5 stone. I do think natural metabolism plays a part for some people. Clearly not you though, you do have to put effort in.

DialsMavis · 09/02/2022 15:33

I have something similar, I lost 3 stone last year which took a lot of discipline. I am working out a way of maintaining now without being so rigid, which is a work in progress. But people keep saying I don't need to bother any more.... I really do, as my inner fatty is itching to get back out into the world but I no longer have anything to clothe her in.

5128gap · 09/02/2022 15:38

[quote TibetanTerrah]@5128gap just because you don't want someone dismissing your "achievements" with their own false narrative, that doesn't actually mean you want praise or a round of applause either. You can just want no comment at all, which is what OP clarified later.[/quote]
No. That's fair.

Lavender24 · 09/02/2022 15:43

I find it really odd how if an overweight person loses weight they are congratulated but people seem to take offense at a slim person wanting to maintain their weight - I think some see it as a personal attack, like you're judging them or something. I used to eat Weight Watchers ready meals years ago because I liked them and one work colleague seemed genuinely angry about it. I don't want to be congratulated on maintaining my weight (I actually have an ED which I have told people but they seem to instantly forget) but I would love to not have my food choices met with angry questions and indignation.

icannotbebothered · 09/02/2022 15:57

@Lipsandlashes

Yes, yes. You’re an infinitely better person than your fat friend. Slow clap

Not really what the op is saying though js it.. it's like this, imagine two kids, kid 1 studies loads and loads and does well at school, and kid 2 doesn't study as much and doesn't do as well, but kid 2 always says to kid 1 'it's okay for you, you're smart, you don't need to study' even though behind the scenes, kid 1 works really really hard, can you see how having thar hard work dismissed would be annoying to kid 1? Yes kid 1s natural ability might be better and there might be all sorts of reasons why kid 2 can't do as well, but it is irritating being told that you don't need to try when actually.. you do

icannotbebothered · 09/02/2022 15:59

@Dentistlakes

YANBU, I do think people often assume slim people stay that way with no effort. Some do of course, but for many it’s doesn’t come without careful eating and exercise, especially as you get older.

There is a flip side to this too though. If people are overweight it’s often assumed they are that way because they are lazy and have no willpower. It’s usually much more complex than that and not an easy fix.

On the flip side, quite often bigger people assume that thin people must be thin because they don't eat anything ever, which also isn't true

icannotbebothered · 09/02/2022 16:01

@Nipplynoranoo that would depend on how tall OP is and they haven't given you that information

PleasantBirthday · 09/02/2022 16:04

The thing is, when you work hard at something, it is nice to be acknowledged. But sometimes, people with terrible self esteem who are struggling will find it difficult to imagine a world where everyone finds all kinds of things (weight management, passing exams, driving tests, friends, becoming a parent) far easier than they do. I don't think it's a comment on you when someone says that you're lucky to stay slim when they find it hard, I think it's an expression of just how awful and powerless they feel in their own lives.

DontWiltMySpinachPlease · 09/02/2022 16:05

It's a really difficult thing to asses though. What might be effort to you might be effortless to someone else, who would therefore think that staying slim is easy. I naturally eat about 1200-1500 calories a day (cheers PCOS and hypothyroidism) but I don't find that difficult (just not particularly enjoyable) whereas someone else, regardless of their size might really struggle with that amount. Equally I struggle to get that many steps in a day, but my husband who works in venue management gets 25,000 steps with no problem. It's all relative to the individual.

Zotter · 09/02/2022 16:13

I know most people who are slim are because they watch their calorie intake and regularly exercise. When I was slim, I certainly did.

I am significantly overweight now after becoming chronically ill. The medication I have to take which increases my appetite, my daily sugar treat and being now bedridden for many years has piled on the weight. I wish I didn’t have to take such medication and could exercise. The daily sugar treat I could stop but I admit I don’t want to give it up. I would say be thankful you don’t have to take medication and can exercise.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 09/02/2022 17:23

@DialsMavis

I have something similar, I lost 3 stone last year which took a lot of discipline. I am working out a way of maintaining now without being so rigid, which is a work in progress. But people keep saying I don't need to bother any more.... I really do, as my inner fatty is itching to get back out into the world but I no longer have anything to clothe her in.

I love this description, and relate so hard.

TheHumanExperience · 09/02/2022 19:06

@mumof2exhausted

I’m a size 10 at the moment - been 10/12 most of my life apart from when I drank too much/ate kebabs at uni and when I was pregnant. This is not because of magic genes it’s because I consistently exercise and I watch what I eat.

I have a friend who is always on a fad diet and is over weight by a few stone (she is always moaning about her weight). She says all the time to me “oh you’re alright you never have to watch your weight”. I do though!! I went on an all inclusive holiday a few months ago and I did barely any exercise and ate and drank everything in sight and I put on a stone in 2 weeks!! It’s gone now as I’m back to eating normally and exercising.

AIBU to say some overweight people genuinely seem to think slimmer people are just lucky and it’s nothing to do with the fact we move more and eat less. When my friend says it to me I just say hmmmm as I don’t want an argument with her and I know she’s unhappy with her size so it’s pointless to point out that i average 20,000 steps, I have an active job, I go to gym 4 times a week and I roughly eat 1800 calories a day

If only it was as simple as calories in calories out but it isn't! It's a very flawed model based on 'the calorie' when losing weight is about gut microbiome and hormones. Gosh, where would I start.....

There is an excellent book you can read that will explain everything. You definitely do not have to be plant-based but it can help you understand why 'normal' diets don't work if you don't address certain issues first. Your gut microbiome health will determine if you lose weight or not, regardless of what way of eating you choose to eat.

Books I found were eye-opening with regards to stubborn weight loss, failed diets, calorie restrictions not working, over-exercising, and so much more.

How Not to Die by Michael Greger MD
How Not To Diet by the same author
Eat Smarter by Shawn Stevenson

These books will completely flip the way you approach weight loss and more importantly, may just save your life by avoiding the many medical conditions that are totally avoidable, because of how we eat.

Its not about exercise at all..... Shock horror!

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