To make all the males in my house urinate outside

[Malhao]

All the males in my home seem incapable (unwilling?) to use the loo without making a bloody mess.

I know men face a challenges due to their specific plumbing, but you know what if you can't go without splattering urine all over the floor then CHANGE HOW YOU DO THINGS i.e. sit don't stand!!!!!!

I keep pointing out the issue, even make them clean up after themselves (which isn't great when I need to go and have to wait for them to sort it out or do it myself) so if there's no improvement then I've decided to make them urinate outside like the animals that they are?

Am I the asshole here?

(FWIW I also have a young child in the house which I DON'T want stepping in piss every time they go toilet)

Question for those who think I'm being unfair:- how exactly would YOU handle the situation? (This is a long standing issue, they've been given multiple warnings/opportunities to fix this)

I'm so with you on this. It's not a bloody god-given right that men should pee standing up. But so many see sitting as akin to chopping their willie off entirely. And they just don't give a fuck that they leave piss everywhere.

I know men face a challenges due to their specific plumbing

Nah

Floor pissers are just rank

I have so much trouble with my two boys, I don’t understand what age they stop weeing everywhere? They also never lift the seat or never clean it after themselves no matter how many times we go over it

Do you have more than one loo? One for you and the wee one, one for the pissdribblers.

My teenage boys do not stand up to pee. I asked them this as they never leave the toilet seat up and I asked them why soother men do it? They said they prefer to sit down and also it’s cleaner! Clearly I failed to teach them how to stand up and wee as little boys.

Do you have more than one toilet?
If so, make one male and one female. Don’t ever enter the male toilet, let alone clean it!
Lock them out of the female toilet
(Half joking)
If no second loo…bucket in the garden.

DH whines that the downstairs loo smells. Well, it isn’t me that pees on the floor and all around the bowl!

YANBU. Domestic toilets are not urinals, men should sit down on them to pee. The man in my house does.

My exh and eldest son used to do this. I'd demand they go back and clean it up! My son did, exh couldn't give a stuff! I was sick of getting wet feet!

2nd husband and 10yo DS....never make a mess!

Men see standing up to wee as indicative of their masculinity. Make them sit down and they think they may become a woman!

One of my friends became so sick of her sons s and their friends' mess that she had a downstairs loo with a wall mounted urinal built off the back porch. Not something I would recommend unless you have an extra room to convert , but it did mean that her downstairs loo off the hallway remained pristine!

@Witchymcwitch

Do you have more than one toilet? If so, make one male and one female. Don’t ever enter the male toilet, let alone clean it! Lock them out of the female toilet (Half joking) If no second loo…bucket in the garden.

I've done just that!

The en suite is mine and mine alone. DH and DS can use the downstairs loo or the main bathroom one.

Its telling that my loo is the only one with an original seat that looks as new as the day it was fitted. Theirs get replaced every year because they go yellow and the metal hinges go all rusty and horrible due to the constant soaking in pee. Urgh.

I dunno how it happened but I live with two males who don’t make a mess so tidiness is possible. I didn’t influence them so I don’t know what or how they manage. If they sit down I don’t want to know! They are peeing indoors

YANBU. I don’t buy the plumbing thing. My husband regularly pisses me off - no pun intended. But he has always managed to get his wee in the hole. Even my 5yo hot mess of a son manages or at least wipe away anything that hits the seat.

Make ‘em wee outside, OP. They’re taking the piss - pun intended.

My DS stopped pissing all over the seat and the floor at the age of about 6 when I started making him clear it up. My otherwise total asshole of an XH never pissed everywhere, and neither did my father, so I can only conclude that it’s something men very definitely can help if they choose to.

@RedCandyApple

I have so much trouble with my two boys, I don’t understand what age they stop weeing everywhere? They also never lift the seat or never clean it after themselves no matter how many times we go over it

Obviously not taught them properly

This is disgusting. Maybe go back to basics with the old ping pong bowl in the loo etc for them, treat them like the toddlers because that's how they are acting?

My DH sits down to pee now and then, but even when he pees standing up has no issues with aim. No male I've ever lived with has left piss everywhere either.

Ugh. It's lazy and disgusting. I'd have the place wired in such a way that they'd get an electric shock to the penis every time they pissed on the floor.

Yeah I'd like to send one of mine out into the garden

I have resolved this in my house by going absolutely nuclear once and for all. It’s DS18 & DS16 (not DH), and I was so sick of the bathroom stinking of piss and disinfecting it twice a day. I made an absolutely massive deal of it and make them immediately stop what they were doing and clean it every single time. I also started to shout loudly that they had pissed all over the floor again and they needed to clean it RIGHT NOW when they were chatting to their mates to embarrass them into it.
Im ashamed to say this is what it took but we’ve gone a couple of months with no puddles now, so it was worth it.

@RedCandyApple

I have so much trouble with my two boys, I don’t understand what age they stop weeing everywhere? They also never lift the seat or never clean it after themselves no matter how many times we go over it

Can you try humiliating them into action by bringing it up in front of their friends/grandmother etc?

Obviously not taught them properly

Yes it’s my fault they wee all over the floor, what is there to teach, you wee in a toilet not on the floor, not sure how else you expect me to teach them?

@HirplesWithHaggis

Do you have more than one loo? One for you and the wee one, one for the pissdribblers.

And install a urinal in the latter. Much easier to aim.