To make all the males in my house urinate outside

[Malhao]

All the males in my home seem incapable (unwilling?) to use the loo without making a bloody mess.

I know men face a challenges due to their specific plumbing, but you know what if you can't go without splattering urine all over the floor then CHANGE HOW YOU DO THINGS i.e. sit don't stand!!!!!!

I keep pointing out the issue, even make them clean up after themselves (which isn't great when I need to go and have to wait for them to sort it out or do it myself) so if there's no improvement then I've decided to make them urinate outside like the animals that they are?

Am I the asshole here?

(FWIW I also have a young child in the house which I DON'T want stepping in piss every time they go toilet)

What @Ionlydomassiveones says!

Absolutely do not tolerate this!

DH does this but affects not to notice, I'm sick of wiping the floor. I think his problem is splashing rather than initial aim, but it's still gross. Only one bathroom.

We had this problem (sons, not dh). What sorted it out was making them clear it up. Strictly on a rota so I didn't have to find out who left any particular puddle of piss. After a few weeks of constantly cleaning their bathroom they both suddenly learnt to be more considerate.

My husband doesn't do this.

If they can't aim correctly they need to sit down to pee.

And the leaving of the seat up should be a non issue since everybody should be closing the toilet lid before they flush, to avoid spraying the entire room with urine.

Buy a spray bottle. Fill it with cold water.

They spray, they get sprayed.

But in all seriousness OP, it’s gross. And they should be dealing with it themselves, or sitting if they are unable to. I’m sorry they’re behaving like animals.

Boys and men should sit down at night. Urinating can cause blood pressure to drop suddenly which can lead to a faint. Much less likely to injure themselves if they are sitting.

I'd tell them all that they need to sit down at home. The loo will be clean so there's no need to stand.

I would also stop cleaning the bathroom and insist that they do it.

Our guest en suite never gets used unless we have pils over. They were visiting so I went to quickly wipe everything down and the loo was gross. I just went to oh and told him to clean it and then maybe he'd understand why I complain about the state of the toilets. Gross. I never will understand why men see the state of the underside of the lid every time they pee and yet can't clean it. Is it some left over from pre history where males marked their territory? Why are they so DISGUSTING?
OH hates taking our kids into men's loos as they are disgusting and yet doesn't see the irony. Yanbu!

May I introduce the male funnel extension tube to assist with urination direction. Ideal Valentine's Day/Birthday pressie!

Seriously, I know how disgusting this problem is, and not just with number 1's either...

YABVU

A sit down wee for a man doesn't fully drain the bladder.

Make sure you also put the seat up when you have finished!😂

I'm gobsmaked.

I've got 4 DDs, no sons.

Married twice - neither men EVER made a mess in the house.

I thought this was a men's loo/pub loo thing. No idea blokes were pissing on their own floors and walking away

If i walked into the bathroom and one of my DDs had got pee on the floor i'd call them back in to clean it up there and then. I would never ever routinely clean up after anyone over the age of 5.

@jennytheonionslayer

YABVU

A sit down wee for a man doesn't fully drain the bladder.

Make sure you also put the seat up when you have finished!😂

Can you provide evidence?

YANBU in the slightest!

Make them sit down

My DH does sit as he's very tall & feels it's safer for him not to splash. That's all man mountain hairy assed biker of him & probably contributed to my marrying him as my ex was a dirty shit for this too

Tell them real men sit down to wee & to "man" the fuck up & stop spraying like little boys

A sit down wee for a man doesn't fully drain the bladder

I disagree.

My dad, under urologist’s instructions, has been told he must always sit down to wee to ensure his bladder empties.

I'm always a bit baffled by these threads. I have DH and DS and they piss perfectly cleanly in the loo. I dont think they are exceptional humans. Why are other men not able to get a jet or urine into a bowl of water? Did i just get lucky?

There is absolutely no way this has to be a given.

It only becomes an issue if you tolerate it from when they are small.

I would be mortified if my boys were so inconsiderate of those using facilities after them.

This is the reason the shower thing was made such a big thing about and they are only sharing with each other.
They needed firm reminding to be considerate of each other because any future partner would rightly think they were disgusting.

Their father certainly never behaved like that.
I do think it is the jobs of parents to teach them this stuff from an early age.

Having said that, 3 of my children have tidy rooms and I have one slob.

He's now doing his own washing which is going down well.

He sometimes will ask for a favour like borrow the car etc.

I tell him come back to me when his room is in order.

He asks me not to treat him like a kid.

I ask him not to behave like one.

Raising young adults is such a joy🤣

I would dearly love to urinate outside, but my wife and the neighbours would have a dicky fit.
Good for the garden too. Probably.

The Germans have a word for a man who sits to urinate "Sitzpinkler" ,as I understand it, a mild insult implying the man is somehow effeminate for doing this.

Ich bin ein Sitzpinkler.

We are in the market for a new bathroom, I quite fancy a proper old school Armitage Shanks trough urinal, not sure how I will broach this? Possibly the best thing about being a man is chasing the urinal cake up and down the trough, with bonus points if you can make it disappear.

It's recommended around here for anyone having cat & foxes digging up or crapping in their garden issues. They don't like the smell of man wee, so here's your excuse 😉

It’s just pure laziness.

This is disgusting. Why can’t they just sit and wee. Three males in this household and never had to deal with urine smell or drips outside of potty training. My toilets always smell fresh. YANBU they need retraining

@Ionlydomassiveones

We had a male visitor do this and my DH was apoplectic. This isn’t men. This is selfish, immature toerags. By pissing on the floor they’re saying they don’t give a shit who has to clean it up or who else steps in it. I would be kicking off every single time and making everyone’s life a misery until they got the message. Actions have consequences and these men are behaving like toddlers with no sense of responsibility.

Same sort of thing happened here. My husband and son manage to never ever leave pee on the seat, leave the seat up or to urinate on the floor so it's not like this can be shrugged off as it being a man thing that the poor souls can't help.

DS's friend had pissed all over the bathroom once. It was all over the white seat, all on the floor, the toilet wasn't flushed and he'd not washed his hands. DH walked in the bathroom, turned round and told DS's friend to go back in, clean it up and flush the damn toilet. After he did it a few more times I'm afraid DS was told to let his friend know that if he needed to use the bathroom whilst visiting again that he would need to go to his uncle's house across the road. DS was horrified at his friend's complete lack of respect, expecting others to clean his urine up after him. He merely aimed in the direction of the toilet. Piss was everywhere.

I hope you manage to break their disgusting habit OP.

Men have been conditioned to feel less manly if they sit to pee.

Oooh @billy1966 that’s a whole new level, I’ll try your technique for putting away things.

Is it all the males? Adults included?

Not sure how you would go about changing an adults piss poor toilet hygiene but with children surely you go about it the same way as you would try to alter other unwanted behaviour? Consistent punishment/reward

One thing to note though, when they leave piss on the floor bollock them for leaving it there, not for accidentally missing the target. Occasionally it's possible to get an errant stream that goes in an unexpected direction. That's just unfortunate and shouldn't be punished. But leaving it for someone else to clean up is completely unacceptable.