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Original poster

AIBU to ask what I should know before giving my 10 year old her first phone?

198 replies

BadMotorFinger · 22/12/2021 20:00

My 10 year old is getting her first mobile phone for Christmas (aka my old iPhone).

I think she mainly plans to use it to WhatsApp her friends. I’ve already said to her that’s she’s not allowed Instagram, TikTok or other social media until she’s older. And that I’ll be taking the phone from her overnight, eg from 8pm-8am.

But I’ve got a nagging feeling there’s loads of other stuff I should be aware of and just haven’t thought about! And so, wise mumsnetters, what else do I need to do?

Are there any practical measures, eg apps, safety features I should be aware of? And in a general sense is there any advice you’d give r.e kids and phones? For one thing I’m painfully aware both me and my husband need to get better at modelling sensible mobile phone usage.

So, with the benefit of hindsight what do you wish you knew before your child got their first phone?

OP posts:
Shedmistress · 22/12/2021 20:02

To avoid pretty much the whole of the internet.

Tippexy · 22/12/2021 20:03

The fact that she’s ten and the wealth of research showing that she really shouldn’t have a smart phone until much older.

Marchingredsoldiers · 22/12/2021 20:04

I am wanting to hear suggestions as well.

Tittyfilarious81 · 22/12/2021 20:05

If she's having Whatsapp make sure you go into the settings and make it so she can't be added to groups by anyone except on people in her contacts list and that her profile pic is only visible to contacts .

missymayhemsmum · 22/12/2021 20:06

put find my phone on for when she loses it, case and screen protector. And it doesn''t go to school until secondary.

moomoogalicious · 22/12/2021 20:06

Get qustodio or similar

AgathaMystery · 22/12/2021 20:07

I’m absolutely baffled why anyone would give a 10 yr old a phone. Buy her a Lego set!

Tittyfilarious81 · 22/12/2021 20:07

Also you can usually block calls from unknown callers so that only people in her contact list can call her and get through

KewMummy87 · 22/12/2021 20:08

10 is way too young. Smart phones are designed to be addictive. That’s why you can’t get off yours. 13 is the absolutely youngest I’d even consider it for my children.

Beamur · 22/12/2021 20:10

Make sure you are clear with her it can be checked by you at any time and she can't change the pin without your permission .
Regular chats about safe behaviour etc. It's very easy to wander into uncomfortable places on the internet.
Rules around private/public etc.
Care around what information she puts out there.
You're best of teaching her how to look after herself.

MattHancocksSexTape · 22/12/2021 20:10

You can set various parental restrictions on downloading apps etc.

Never give them the passcode for the parental locks.

Beamur · 22/12/2021 20:12

My DD has a phone from when she started at high school. That's not unusual, but I think you do need to be on the ball with what she's looking at.
Modest data allowance only I would suggest too

AntennaReborn · 22/12/2021 20:15

Not sure about IPhones, but I'm assuming there is a similar set up to the Android Family Link app you might be able to use

It means the child cannot download any app unless it's approved by the parents (you get a notification on your phone and accept/ decline with a password), it stops the child from accessing any apps where T&Cs specify a minimum age (so Insta, YouTube, TikTok etc), you can set times where the phone automatically turns off, usage time limits etc.

It's pretty good and means you can give more autonomy as the child gets older but you're still in control

We gave in when DD was 10 too, even though many of her friends had phones in Year 1 (!!). With the successive lockdowns and the fact that all our relatives live far away, it seemed a good way for her to independently stay in touch with friends and family and she has been very sensible to be fair.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/12/2021 20:15

10 is far, far too young. You are bringing untold horrible influences into her life for no reason whatsoever, and by your own admission, you don't even have the skill set to properly monitor her activity. She is a little girl for such a short amount of time, what's the rush?

BurntO · 22/12/2021 20:15

Take all measures now, don’t wait for things to happen and then look at putting steps in place. Decent phone case and screen protector. No social media including Snapchat and TikTok. Put screen time measures in place. Talk about internet safety, appropriate use of the phone and acceptable times to use it. Hand over to parent at X time before bed. Advise them you will be sporadically checking the phone and messages. Passcode to be used that you both know. You can block inappropriate websites on your router but that only gets you so far. Set up find my phone or similar. If she is taking it out and about you can use life360 to track location but I wouldn’t advise a 10 year to take it out and can’t see why they would have much need tbh and it puts it at risk of damage, loss/theft.

There’s so much more than this, hopefully some other users can advise more specific safety measures Smile

fairycakes1234 · 22/12/2021 20:16

My daugher is getting one and she is 9, she uses mine the whole time to make videos and play games. From experience, make sure and have family link put on both your phone and hers. Its so useful and i have it on my kids phones. Basically you can control how many hours they are on phone, you can switch her phone off immediately if you want to, it wont let her download any games/videos without your premission, it wont let them look at any adult sites. I would definately recommend it. I would make sure she keeps away from snapchat and monitor the tiktok.

fairycakes1234 · 22/12/2021 20:17

@Aquamarine1029

10 is far, far too young. You are bringing untold horrible influences into her life for no reason whatsoever, and by your own admission, you don't even have the skill set to properly monitor her activity. She is a little girl for such a short amount of time, what's the rush?
@Aquamarine1029 She didnt ask you was she too young? If you cant help her dont reply and being so patronising.
Marchingredsoldiers · 22/12/2021 20:18

Some self-righteous posts on here about not letting a 10 year old have a phone.

I thought the same until my 9 year old broke down crying because all her friends had one and she was left out. She was the last but one in her class to get one.

I hate that she has one. I hate myself for being addicted to mine. But this is the world we live in. In the country i live in, i need to have my phone more than my purse. I literally can't take public transport without it. I need it to access government services and internet banking. I increasingly use it instead of money.

The genie is out of the bottle. I would like tips on teaching my daughter to use it safely (as possible).

CHEM20 · 22/12/2021 20:19

Qustodio is a good (if pricey) parental controls app if you want to go down that road

foxgoosefinch · 22/12/2021 20:20

I teach university students and they often say to me that they wish they hadn’t been allowed phones/internet until much older then they were. Children get sent porn links very young now, and on any youth social media site they will encounter porn bots, unsuitable people in chats and so on.

fairycakes1234 · 22/12/2021 20:20

@AgathaMystery

I’m absolutely baffled why anyone would give a 10 yr old a phone. Buy her a Lego set!
@AgathaMystery youre so funny, maybe she doesnt like lego???? Im getting my 9 year old a phone, she has asked for one from Santa...... she loves making vidoes with mine and hasnt much interest in anything else on it, although now i feel like such a terrible parent because you are so baffled that she is giving a 10 year old a phone, and my child is only 9......what must you think of me :)
Clymene · 22/12/2021 20:22

Some of us just said no phones until secondary @Marchingredsoldiers

Breaking down in tears is a very common manipulative technique that children use to get what they want. I'm surprised you don't know that.

Screaming and crying doesn't work in this house

thebakeoffwasntasgoodthisyear · 22/12/2021 20:22

Make sure to keep an eye on class group chats. From experience, they can get a bit out of hand, they can egg each other on and sometimes get a bit unpleasant/inappropriate.

ElvenDreamer · 22/12/2021 20:24

Dd 11 has just got her 1st phone in readiness for high school. It is linked to our family account. It is set so it turns itself off automatically at 9pm and will not turn back on until 7am without parental override. There is a screen time limit on it so again, if she goes over this, it will shut down automatically. Set so any apps etc have to be approved by parent before downloading. She also knows I can choose to check messages etc. She is not allowed WhatsApp as too young and definitely not any social media. All sounds draconian to some people I'm sure, but we figured is easier to start tough and then relax if we wish than have to do it the other way.

Salamander76 · 22/12/2021 20:25

I agree that 10 is much too young. 13 for a smartphone at the very least, surely? In any case, 8pm is too late for a child that young to still be on their phone - I’d be inclined to make the limit 6pm at the latest. You’re quite right about the need to model sensible phone use too.

Is there a reason (other than peer pressure) why you can’t leave it a couple of years?

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