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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think seclusion is a ridiculous behaviour management policy?

187 replies

doggieflooflove · 24/11/2021 22:29

Now I know In some circumstances it's necessary, but as a general behaviour management tool it's awful.
DS is in yr7. He unfortunately had his first experience of seclusion today after being involved in an incident last week. No fights, malicious behaviour etc, just some silliness that went too far. Now I totally accept that he should be sanctioned and take his punishment.
But a whole day in a room with just a work sheet to fill in, missing 7 lessons including a graded test?
Why not just send them to the seclusion room at breaks/ for lunch for example? For DS, it's not part or a pattern of behaviour or an escalation. So a whole day of education missed for what?
Yes of course I'm hoping it will help him realise what is not acceptable behaviour so will behave better in future.
But really? Surely there's a better way than this unless its the only option left?
Help me accept this is the way it is at secondary please!

OP posts:
FallonCarringtonWannabe · 24/11/2021 22:32

What was the silliness that went too far?

Isolation is a serious punishment. I've never known it given for silliness. However, ive known plenty of parents down play seriously poor behaviour.

Haggisfish3 · 24/11/2021 22:33

Yes that is fairly serious tbh. In my school it would be detentions first and internal detention like that is only for more serious or repeated offences.

WorraLiberty · 24/11/2021 22:35

They weren't given lightly in my DC's school and to miss a graded test, the behaviour would have to be pretty bad.

coffeerevelsrock · 24/11/2021 22:37

What is 'silliness that went too far' exactly? Don't play down 'low level disruption' and the impact it has on lessons and the learning of others. Tell your ds to behave in class and then he won't need isolating.

coffeerevelsrock · 24/11/2021 22:39

So a whole day of education missed for what?

So other kids can learn without your ds pissing around and distracting them.

Marianne1234 · 24/11/2021 22:40

Depends what he did OP 👀

Frazzled50yrold · 24/11/2021 22:46

Presumably the exclusion policy is explained to them so he knew what the implications of his behaviour would be.

Original poster
doggieflooflove · 24/11/2021 22:47

@coffeerevelsrock

So a whole day of education missed for what?

So other kids can learn without your ds pissing around and distracting them.

He wasn't, he doesn't. I knew I'd get accused of playing down actual awful behaviour. I'm not. That's why I'm so cross. I agree its a tool that can work when it's needed. I genuinely don't think in this case the punishment doesn't fit the crime. You'll just have to take my word for it, butt if I'm sure most won't!
OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 24/11/2021 22:50

What did he do? It's impossible for anyone to say if it was warranted or not if they don't know what he did, or any background.

MichelleScarn · 24/11/2021 22:51

How can people 'take your word' when it could be anything from annoyingly shouting out in class to verbal aggression or bullying?

coffeerevelsrock · 24/11/2021 22:52

Well if you won't explain what he did I'm not sure how you expect people to agree or disagree that the punishment was ridiculous. If you're saying it's a ridiculous punishment in all circumstances, are you actually saying that you think disruptive students should always remain in lessons, even if they're wrecking them?

Sparklfairy · 24/11/2021 22:54

I don't agree with it. Its the type of punishment used in prisons. 20 years ago when I was a teen it just wasn't a thing in my school, and wondered if it was because we were "well behaved" pupils in a single sex grammar for a minute. Then I remembered my younger sister went to a mixed school with real behaviour problems in the class (throwing chairs and all sorts) and it was never a thing either.

Would the behaviour have improved at my sisters school if it had been used? Possibly. But I still don't like it , unless the behaviour was on a par with what it has to get in actual prison for it to be used there!

Original poster
doggieflooflove · 24/11/2021 22:54

@Frazzled50yrold

Presumably the exclusion policy is explained to them so he knew what the implications of his behaviour would be.
He's gutted He's only just turned 11, he's trying really hard. Clearly he had a really bad day. But he's also struggling to see how what he's been told warranted thee we sanctioned fits in with what his perception. Now that's not why I'm cross. Of course an 11yo is going to say "no note sir". I'm not stupid. I also know the same behaviour in year 6 would have been a quick chat with a parent after school. Which I honestly never had.
OP posts:
whatstobecomeofus · 24/11/2021 22:57

Perhaps he'll learn to behave in the future then. Let this be a lesson to him.

Original poster
doggieflooflove · 24/11/2021 22:58

@whatstobecomeofus

Perhaps he'll learn to behave in the future then. Let this be a lesson to him.
I really hope so. It's exactly what I've said to him.
OP posts:
Original poster
doggieflooflove · 24/11/2021 22:59

@coffeerevelsrock

Well if you won't explain what he did I'm not sure how you expect people to agree or disagree that the punishment was ridiculous. If you're saying it's a ridiculous punishment in all circumstances, are you actually saying that you think disruptive students should always remain in lessons, even if they're wrecking them?
And that's exactly what I didn't say in my OP. I can see how it could be needed.
OP posts:
Nootkah · 24/11/2021 23:00

@doggieflooflove Im generally against isolation as anything other than a last resort. However, unless you explain what he did, its impossible to say. Being disruptive throughout all lessons in a day isnt "low level silliness", its seriously disruptive and disrespectful. At my sons secondary, theres a warn, move (within the classroom), remove (to seclusion, for the duration of that lesson only). To miss a full day the behaviour would have to have continued after the initial short seclusion.

WHAT DID YOUR SON DO?

Confusedteacher · 24/11/2021 23:00

I also know the same behaviour in year 6 would have been a quick chat with a parent after school.

I am a secondary teacher, and I am not condoning this necessarily as I have worked in schools where I do think the behaviour policy is overly harsh. However, you realise a “quick chat with the parents after school” doesn’t happen in secondary, right? I see over 300 kids a week! There needs to be a system in place that is seen to be fair to everyone- we don’t do cosy chats at the classroom door!

Original poster
doggieflooflove · 24/11/2021 23:15

So according to DS, and the teacher that spoke to me, he was part of a group that did a "bundle" in the playground. (According to the teacher) he wasn't the ringleader, no one got hurt. The teacher used the word "silliness". that he got caught up in.
It seems to be the risk of what could have happened that got him into so much trouble.
DS says these things happen in the playground all the time, but it's the first time the teachers have come down on those involved.
DS tells me (now I know he could be lying) that no he's not usually involved in them.
So yes it was a stupid thing where someone could have got hurt, not constant low level disruption or bad behaviour.
DS was really stupid to get involved, he knows that now.
But I still think missing a day of education was not a useful.

OP posts:
starrynight21 · 24/11/2021 23:16

My son went into seclusion once, and it was for really bad, disruptive behaviour which was causing the other kids distress.

If this is what your son was doing ( and in FIVE posts you still haven't said), then yes he needed to be in seclusion.

MichelleScarn · 24/11/2021 23:20

So according to DS, and the teacher that spoke to me, he was part of a group that did a "bundle" in the playground
I.have no idea what that is so looked it up, urban dictionary says 'a bag of heroin' Shock
Am assuming not!

JurgensCakeBaby · 24/11/2021 23:20

A girl at my secondary school had her head gashed open and needed stitches following a 'bundle'. What he did wasn't just silly it was dangerous, you need to be making that clear to him. There's a reason the punishment was as it was, to send a very clear message to all involved and other students, that kind of behaviour is not acceptable.

Confusedteacher · 24/11/2021 23:21

So this is where they all pile on top of each other, right? Which could be frankly terrifying for some and very dangerous. It sounds like they are trying to stamp down on dangerous behaviour in the playground and making an example of this group of kids. I think it’s a fair punishment tbh. It’s one day, and he won’t do it again!

JurgensCakeBaby · 24/11/2021 23:21

Also who was the target of the bundle? Would you be ok if that had been your son?

ThuMuClu · 24/11/2021 23:22

I know there are objections to internal exclusion as a principle, and a regiments for and against but in a school where it is used, your son’s actions would warrant it. They have low tolerance for anything physical in my sons school so in this case it is something your DS just needs to take the lesson from.