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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... if you've every learned something totally surprising about a close friend?

277 replies

BSideLeeSide · 19/11/2021 18:54

This is no biggie, just something very surprising for me.

I've a very close friend that I'd known for 10+ years, we met through work several years ago. A few weeks ago I was helping her move/unpack to a lovely new house, and staying there for the weekend.

The house had a piano. I was amazed to discover that she is an incredible pianist. Really really amazing! She says she was somewhat of a prodigy when young, but lost interest and motivation in teen years, and is just re-connecting with it as a hobby.

Sadly, if I was that good at something I'd have let everyone know :(

OP posts:
eveningoftheday · 19/11/2021 23:52

We possibly don't know as much about our friends as we think we do? There are things about me my friends don't know, my choice not to disclose. There are also things I've never thought to mention, not so interesting to me but might be new to them.

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 19/11/2021 23:52

I remember finding out as a teenager that my mum and uncle were adopted. Never changed my feelings to my grandparents, they were like a second set of parents to me. I saw them most days growing up and their house was like a second home, I had a bedroom there too!

Still makes me sad that they never met my girls or my husband. My husband would have got on so well with my grandad they share the same passion for history and have a similar sense of humour! My nan was tiny and a total firecracker, no one would mess with her, my youngest daughter has definitely inherited that 😆

MOOoooo · 20/11/2021 00:11

I had known this couple for 25+ years. They are in their 80-s now. Recently, I went to visit them and was introduced to a woman's sister. I never knew she had a sister- let alone 4 others! In all this time none of them were mentioned. Later I've found out that about 40y ago the husband had 'a thing' with one of the sisters and all the sisters stopped communicating completely. They are all still alive and have lived all their lives very near to each other.

XenoBitch · 20/11/2021 01:06

She was constantly moaning about being single... and it was only after we fell out that I found out she was shagging a first cousin.

Aria999 · 20/11/2021 01:11

One of my best friends made her own kitchen table.

MangoSeason · 20/11/2021 01:17

They regularly forget to pay their cleaning lady, and are bewildered about why the cleaning lady dumped them. Apparently the cleaning lady should know that we have the money and just forgot and will get around to it!

BoudiccaBee · 20/11/2021 04:30

That my friend of 20+ years has saved 3 lives
Her DH and 2 strangers
She's not in the emergency services/medical profession
She just happened to be at the right place at the right time
We were chatting about stuff and she came out with it and her DH confirmed it, and I never knew until last week!

starrynight21 · 20/11/2021 04:49

I've known my friend for over 40 years - both in our 60's. Last year I spent a few weeks with her and we had some deep conversations. She told me that because her father had sexually molested her, she has avoided getting close to any man and that she is a virgin.

I was so shocked ! I'd thought that we'd been totally frank with each other during our teens , as you do, but she'd kept the stuff about her father very quiet. She said he never raped her, but constantly used to touch her . Ugh . She never wanted a man to touch her again after that.

VsgKitt · 20/11/2021 04:59

@starrynight21

I've known my friend for over 40 years - both in our 60's. Last year I spent a few weeks with her and we had some deep conversations. She told me that because her father had sexually molested her, she has avoided getting close to any man and that she is a virgin.

I was so shocked ! I'd thought that we'd been totally frank with each other during our teens , as you do, but she'd kept the stuff about her father very quiet. She said he never raped her, but constantly used to touch her . Ugh . She never wanted a man to touch her again after that.

That's so sad :(
Whadda · 20/11/2021 05:30

I was with my husband for about 15 years when I learned that he speaks fluent Russian, and also Latin.

twosticksandanapple · 20/11/2021 05:40

I found out when in my 40s that my mum had been married and divorced before she met my Dad. I only found out when my gran was researching our family tree. For some reason my mum didn't want me to know and still refuses to talk about it

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 20/11/2021 05:43

A girl from a baby group was the daughter f people who’d started a business locally a few decades ago, which became (and remains) a household name. That circle of friends found out way after we’d know her for about 6 months.

Whydidimarryhim · 20/11/2021 06:05

Whadda is he a spy!!! 😁

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 20/11/2021 06:34

Such a cool thread. I also found out after about 20 years that my father had had a previous marriage (and that the ex was a bit mental and moved next door to my parents/used to sunbathe topless in her garden when my father was outside lol).

Also have just learnt after 7 years with DH that he likes to collect naice tins. This is after I kept throwing one away and finding it removed from the bin. “It’s just so nice we can’t throw it away”. 😆🙈

stonebrambleboy · 20/11/2021 06:58

Almost 40 years ago my DH saved a French family from drowning.
He's never spoken about it, definitely a story I'll be telling at his funeral (if he dies before me!). I've often thought about them and wonder if they think about the quiet Englishman.

iloveeverykindofcat · 20/11/2021 07:00

One of my closest friends stabbed someone with a screwdriver, in self defense. It was 100% self defense, no question, and judged to be so. But this is such a quiet, think-before-acting, somewhat passive person, if you'd asked me who I knew that I thought would have done that she'd be last on the list. I guess most people will in the moment, survival and all that.

IpanemaPeaHen · 20/11/2021 07:15

My lovely friend who I go swimming with. We were rushing out of the changing rooms to go back to mine for a coffee, looking a bit bedraggled and laughing about it she just said “not like my sister who looked amazing on the red carpet last night”
I said what on earth are are you talking about.

Turns out her sister is a famous actress Shock we still laugh about my face when she told me.

sandgrown · 20/11/2021 07:15

I knew my friend of 40 years had been married twice. It turns out she had a third husband many years ago she never speaks about.

Jumpalicious · 20/11/2021 07:21

@Santaischeckinglists

Not a friend but a relative.

Quite suddenly emigrated to USA

Him and dm his dw appeared back soon after.
Apparently nobody was to mention the quick exit and hasty return. All a Big Secret

Until they showed up at a family do and his face was encased in plastic!!
Like an American Ken doll!!
Grin

Hang on, you mean he went away for plastic surgery? Or something else?
Inthesameboatatmo · 20/11/2021 07:31

When my father passed a good while ago now ,we were clearing out his house as my mum his 2nd wife had passed on already.
In a box under the bed we're his first wife's wound dressings from when she was dying I don't know what from . But my god how grim. I doubt my mother ever knew the 30 years they were married that was all under the bed.

SarahBellam · 20/11/2021 07:32

I found out last week that my big, strong, manly, brave, DP of 6 years is properly scared of spiders - including normal spiders, not just deadly or evil spiders, but all spiders, and even daddy long legs, who aren’t even proper spiders.

BarryTheKestrel · 20/11/2021 07:42

Not me but my cousin, was shocked to find out her dad had been married twice before. She knew about the second wife as they had her half brother, but the first wife was a huge secret. I wasn't aware of this and mentioned over a family meal that I'd bumped into her recently, cousin asked who she was and everyone looked at me like I'd just revealed the my uncle was a serial killer, not that he had an amicable divorce from a nice woman in his early 20s as they just got married too young.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 20/11/2021 07:45

Friend of mine discovered that his dad had been a spy when there was footage of him on a bbc2 documentary about the Cold War.

An elderly relative of mine often talks about their time working overseas for the Foreign Office in the 1960s. Recently revealed that they’d been a spy runner.

Practicebeingpatient · 20/11/2021 07:46

Not a friend but my BFFs DH. I had known him about 15 years and he was dad to 4 DC, respected professional, tireless volunteer for various charities and (IMHO) a self righteous, pompous ass. One night I found out he had fathered a son when very, very young. The son lived far away with the mum and had just left full time education. They were talking about it in the context of what a financial relief it would be to no longer pay CM. For over 20 years he had supported this boy financially but never seen him. His wife and older kids knew but no one else, not even his siblings or parents.

I'm not commenting on the rights or wrongs of this arrangement, just marvelling that something so massive could be kept secret for so many years.

StarlightLady · 20/11/2021 07:49

I found out some years ago that a friend who appeared quite straight laced had been a long standing attendee at a swingers club.

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