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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... if you've every learned something totally surprising about a close friend?

277 replies

BSideLeeSide · 19/11/2021 18:54

This is no biggie, just something very surprising for me.

I've a very close friend that I'd known for 10+ years, we met through work several years ago. A few weeks ago I was helping her move/unpack to a lovely new house, and staying there for the weekend.

The house had a piano. I was amazed to discover that she is an incredible pianist. Really really amazing! She says she was somewhat of a prodigy when young, but lost interest and motivation in teen years, and is just re-connecting with it as a hobby.

Sadly, if I was that good at something I'd have let everyone know :(

OP posts:
Thisbastardcomputer · 22/11/2021 23:33

[quote fedup078]@WinterFirTree
I have a friend who has a dc who is late teens
Friend was married before and dc doesn't know
She doesn't see a problem in keeping it a secret but I think if I was the dc and it was one of my parents id be pretty upset they kept it from me . No other dcs involved or anything. Id just be upset they didn't feel they could tell me. I think it will come out by accident one day which will make it worse. [/quote]
I know someone who when her son found a wedding photo from her first marriage, she told him it was a fancy dress party wtf

MinnieJackson · 23/11/2021 02:14

@HappyDays40 just wanted to update you, I did it. I feel awful for all of them. I know I did the right thing but I'm just heartbroken for the girls. Not sure if I'll get an update, I asked if it could be anonymous, but the mum will know it's me. We live in a really small town, and I gave the teacher screenshots, because he wanted to add the mum calling me all the time to their file?! because she's done it before. I feel like I've just ruined five peoples lives. Happy to pm you the screenshots but I can't take it back now anyway. I can't sleep, I know I've done the right thing but I don't think the kid's will think that Sad

LpPp · 23/11/2021 07:40

Yes of course!
It was a very long complicated story, something that happened when she was very young, almost could be passed off as an accident, or her getting caught up in something she didn’t realise the seriousness of.
I’m not judgey like that 🤣

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 23/11/2021 09:12

[quote MinnieJackson]@HappyDays40 just wanted to update you, I did it. I feel awful for all of them. I know I did the right thing but I'm just heartbroken for the girls. Not sure if I'll get an update, I asked if it could be anonymous, but the mum will know it's me. We live in a really small town, and I gave the teacher screenshots, because he wanted to add the mum calling me all the time to their file?! because she's done it before. I feel like I've just ruined five peoples lives. Happy to pm you the screenshots but I can't take it back now anyway. I can't sleep, I know I've done the right thing but I don't think the kid's will think that Sad[/quote]
Well done for reporting it. You don't owe anyone here any screenshots. Those girls were the first thing I thought of this morning, you'll have saved them. Better to be safe than sorry.
I did similar with the NSPCC and SS and the wife knew it was me who reported it. They took the girl away after some investigations but in this case it she was being fostered by her and the partner used to come and go.
The first thing the foster mum said after little girl was taken away was "what am I going to do for money now".... I didn't get updates from NSPCC nor SS but hope she's in a better place.

LemonKitten · 23/11/2021 15:47

This thread has been amusing, amazing and heartbreaking all at the same time.

SoniaFouler · 23/11/2021 19:50

@LpPp

One of my very close friend’s (and long term colleague) failed her CRB check. Turns out she’s been done for attempted murder 😱

We have been friends for so long, our kids are really close, we share the school run and share an office on our own for 13 years. She said ‘it just never came up in conversation’ 🤣🤣

Nobody else mentioned this and I don’t know if it’s me being dense or not understanding (if) it’s a joke, but why do you find it funny that your friend attempted to murder someone?
fedup078 · 23/11/2021 20:07

@SoniaFouler it's the fact that the person said 'it just didn't come up in conversation' as if it was just some minor detail they forgot , rather than the attempted murder being funny

TwoBrownSugars · 23/11/2021 22:07

I became close friends with a new work colleague many years ago. I’d started a new job, she was my mentor, and told me she was just exited a difficult marriage. A few weeks later she had a new BF, and that was great for a year. I often went for drinks and dinner with them both.

She then split up with BF, and moved back to DH! When I met the DH, I thought that my friend had a certain type of guy she liked. A few months later I found out that her DH and BF were in fact brothers. It was never mentioned.

I met them both over a few years, both were very nice, so so similar. I guess my friend found it hard to choose?

SeptemberGurl · 23/11/2021 22:21

A good friend of mine is Welsh, and I’ve been to visit her family a few times over the years. I was amazed to see they speak Welsh at home, but here in England there is no hint of a Welsh accent while speaking English. It’s amazing to hear the switch in her voice when her mum calls, always makes me smile :)

likestartingover · 25/11/2021 14:10

It's fairly normal to have surprises in family history and background. Things are often much more complicated in the past, as recent DNA tests have shown.

Also, if you meet someone later in life it is fairly typical not to have a lot of knowledge about what has happened before? I have a few close friends now made in 40s and 50s, and I really don't know a lot about their background. On the other hand I'd have one very close friend that I grew up with, and we've stayed in good contact.

My friends are mostly fairly boring :) The only surprising one for me was a friend that was happily married, but only ever had sex for pro-creation (very religious Catholic DH). They seem very happily married, but friend manages to look after her needs by herself IYSWIM. Wouldn;t be for me, but seems to work for her.

LosingTheWill2 · 26/11/2021 21:43

A very good friend of mine. Been married for 17 years. It was a massive shock that he turned out to be a manipulative piece of shit. Over the years he had driven her to the brink of suicide through coercive control and financial and emotional abuse. I had no idea, it broke my heart to hear what he put her through over the years.

notoldjustpastyoung · 27/11/2021 19:15

I had a friend that did similar. She went to US, can't remember which state, for a weekend! During which she got married!!. Came back didn't mention it for months and that was it. Mind you she was a bit nutty.

sonjadog · 27/11/2021 20:58

Not earth shattering, but I discovered a few weeks back that my Granny was not christened the name I always thought she was called and that everyone called her. I found a marriage certificate and birth certificate with a completely different name, the facts lined up and realized it must be her. I mentioned it to my Mum and she said that now I came to mention it, she had been told many decades previously that her name was not her "real" name. I find it quite strange that I never knew about it.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 28/11/2021 00:15

@Michellebops

This has been one of the best threads I've read on here 😄

I am related to a famous pop star from the 80s and have never told anyone since school.

For the record- I cannot sing at all 🤣

Chesney Hawkes?? 😉
Ameanstreakamilewide · 28/11/2021 00:39

@sonjadog

Not earth shattering, but I discovered a few weeks back that my Granny was not christened the name I always thought she was called and that everyone called her. I found a marriage certificate and birth certificate with a completely different name, the facts lined up and realized it must be her. I mentioned it to my Mum and she said that now I came to mention it, she had been told many decades previously that her name was not her "real" name. I find it quite strange that I never knew about it.
I had a lovely Uncle, who the family all called Peter, but (at his funeral) I realised all his friends called him Tony.

And when I did a bit family history research, I discovered that neither name was on his birth certificate.
People are weird!

*Names have been changed!

shamalidacdak · 28/11/2021 00:56

I'm Black and made friends with TWO white girls at school, not super close but we were in same class for years. Met them again as adults, turned out they were both Black just incredibly light skinned! I was speechless for weeks.

steff13 · 28/11/2021 07:00

I found out this week that my best friend of 25 years keeps a "pet" spider in one of her bathrooms in the winter. Apparently, she finds one in the house (we get wolf spiders indoors this time of year because of the cold) and she puts it in the bathroom. I asked her why and she said she didn't know. She said her mother always did it and so she does it too. 🤷‍♀️

SnoopsCaliforniaRoll · 28/11/2021 07:07

@shamalidacdak

I'm Black and made friends with TWO white girls at school, not super close but we were in same class for years. Met them again as adults, turned out they were both Black just incredibly light skinned! I was speechless for weeks.
That is such a strange situation! Did you ever meet their (biological) parents when you were all younger, or did they make any reference to their non-White heritage at all?!
sunnyandshare · 28/11/2021 08:44

I discovered that I'm a much better friend to her than she is to me. I've taken a step back but it really hurts.

Cupcakeschocolate · 28/11/2021 13:06

I found out a few months back from my uncle that my dad changed his surname and his girlsfriends surname to vanderhaven or something similar. I forget. But we are mainly British with a tad of Scottish and Irish. We hadn't been in contact for 13 years before he died 8 years ago now.

Also found out that my grandads dad, on my dad's side of the family was a bit strange and we might not be who I thought we where. My grandads mum turned up home after disappearing pregnant (with my granadad) turns out he is possibly from Australia and changed his name to that of the Town where my great nans family is from. So we have no clue of this is right or not as we never found his documentation. Also my great grandad on my dad's mum's side was adopted so we have no idea about that but he was a barnardo boy and had to leave at 18 and became a chimney sweep. I really want to know about my past and have tried myself but without the correct info we didn't get much.

My mums mum begged my great grandad to let her go to secretarial college. She was the fastest touch typist in the class and one a small pocket dictionary. I still have it. She passed it on to me. My grandad, her husband was a scottsguard and would be outside Buckingham Palace.

Reginaphalange91 · 26/12/2021 14:11

A few years ago my dad had a stroke whilst driving. We hadn’t spoken for a few years (always had a rocky relationship). Myself and my partner went to pick up his car and inside we found all his belongings. He had been living in his car for a few years and I had no idea. But that’s not the worst part. When he asked me to go through a briefcase to find something for me and asked me not to look at anything else I got a bit suspicious. My partner and a friend of his were with me at the time, and inside they found a little tub all taped up so you couldn’t see inside, and inside were loads of SD cards. Curiosity got the better of them and they decided to have a look at them. I didn’t want to see what was on them (thought it must be porn and didn’t want to see that). When they came back into the room they were white as ghosts and told me to hand them over to the police. Let’s just say he had some awful images involving children and I’ve never spoken to him again. I was shocked and devastated. I told a close friend who I had known since childhood and she told me she wasn’t surprised! My dad had always been “creepy” in her words. It was the most shocking and awful revelation of my life.

Another one is, a few weeks ago I was talking to my mum about her “half sisters”, one who died a good few years ago now. My mum told me they aren’t her half sisters! They are from a previous relationship but we’re always brought up like siblings. I was shocked. My whole life I believed they were related! 😳

thegreenlight · 26/12/2021 14:55

I got DH a DNA kit one Christmas - just one of those silly ones that tell you where you’re from. It matches you to distant relatives who have also used the service. Turns out he has a half brother born when his mum and dad were still married. His DM had suspicions but nothing ever confirmed. DH dad had nothing to do with DB even though he was given the same first name! That was an interesting few weeks!

BigYellowHat · 26/12/2021 15:05

I found out that a work colleague had been on the jury of one of the most high profile murder cases the UK has ever seen. Many details were never released to the public and she’s so discreet that she’s never said a word. To be honest, I don’t think I’d want to know anyway.

coodawoodashooda · 26/12/2021 15:09

@BigYellowHat

I found out that a work colleague had been on the jury of one of the most high profile murder cases the UK has ever seen. Many details were never released to the public and she’s so discreet that she’s never said a word. To be honest, I don’t think I’d want to know anyway.
That sounds like a total burden.
StCharlotte · 26/12/2021 16:29

@Practicebeingpatient

Years ago I interviewed and recruited a volunteer for a charity I was involved with. For over a year we worked quite closely together and became good mates. She was excellent in her role and a massive asset to us. Eventually she resigned because 'she was moving to the country for a fresh start'. I bought her a little leaving present, we hugged and that was that.

Until I opened the paper the next week to discover she had been sentenced to several years in jail for defrauding her employers out of about £90,000.

This sounds very like someone I knew. I wonder if it was the same person.