... if you've every learned something totally surprising about a close friend?

[BSideLeeSide]

This is no biggie, just something very surprising for me.

I've a very close friend that I'd known for 10+ years, we met through work several years ago. A few weeks ago I was helping her move/unpack to a lovely new house, and staying there for the weekend.

The house had a piano. I was amazed to discover that she is an incredible pianist. Really really amazing! She says she was somewhat of a prodigy when young, but lost interest and motivation in teen years, and is just re-connecting with it as a hobby.

Sadly, if I was that good at something I'd have let everyone know :(

I found out at 21 that my Mum and Dad did not get married until I was 10. Apparently my Mum was married to a man who refused to her divorce her , and they had to wait until 1969 when the law changed and see could divorce him without his permission. They had married before the war split up after the war and she had to wait 1969 to officially get rid of him. Mum had changed her name by de pole to my Dads surname.

It sure a shame at the time my Mum and Dad were so ashamed that I was born out of wedlock.

What does VC on a gravestone mean?

@Girlking Victoria Cross.

I've got a reverse one, it's been an open secret where we live that my friends dad had a child with another woman who is only a year younger than us, went to the same school etc and everyone knows except them. I don't understand why their families haven't told them! My mum says it's because the other child's dad doesn't know she isn't his....I hope I've explained this properly. Soap opera stuff! I wouldn't dream of saying anything as it's technically just village gossip but the resemblance is striking.

I found out I had 3 older brothers and a sister from my naturals father’s side at the age of 21.

Growing up I knew I had a different dad but my stepdad raised me and was the only dad I knew. My mum changed my surname to his when they got married. I only learned about my siblings when I traveled to my mums home town on my own. I couldn’t move for being told how much I looked like so and so from my natural dads side. I subsequently learned that my mum had an affair with my stepdad who was her boss when I was very young, left my dad, remarried and cut off all contact with my natural dad and all his family. When my Nan died, I found an old suitcase with birthday cards, letters and photos from my natural father to me up to my 17th birthday. He died when I was 17. From everything I’ve learned to date, my natural dad was a good man, just too poor and ‘rough’ for my mum apparently. I’m sorry I never got to know him but grateful I have his cards and letters. I’m also very close to my siblings despite living 200 miles apart.

My mum is a good woman and she says she thought she was doing the best for me. I love her but still haven’t forgiven her and probably never will.

Also another one I found out about my Mum , when I got married to my no DH at 38 my dh had decided to take mum mum out for afternoon tea one afternoon a week before we got married just to get to know her a bit more on a one to one. Well he had been married before to a Norwegian girl and told my mum this , she then tells him that in the war she had meet a Norwegian air pilot, that they had fallen in love and that after the war she had gone to Norway travel way up north named all the town and city she had been to, but because she could not get a divorce in the U.K. she had to eventually come home heart broken. The amazing thing is she had taken my half brother with her, left my half sister with my Nan (they alway had a strained relationship) my brother was only about seven at the time and can’t really remember it that much just the mountains and the lakes, in fact he thought he might have dreamed it up in his little boys head. This info all came out in 1999. So if the divorce laws had been different, she would have stay in Norway, never meet my dad and would not have had me at 45 in the U.K. strange world.

All this was confirmed from my half sister who told me that she was about ten when my Mum went to Norway with my half brother , she had taken him without his father’s permission , he had to go to the authorities to make her take him back to the U.K. And that’s was one of the reasons he would not give her a divorce, because he thought as soon as she was free she would go back to Norway and take my brother with her.

@RainbowsAndSequins

Not a close friend, but I only found out in my mid-teens that my mother was not born in the UK. It wasn't a total surprise though, as she'd either been very vague about her childhood (except to say she had four siblings and went to boarding school), or she'd lie and say she was from X town, which I later learned is where she'd first moved to when she immigrated here. She is not-quite-white-passing (think Cliff Richard's colouring), but made herself look as pale as possible, plus never went in the sun. She also speaks with a very posh Surrey accent. I later found a recording of her when she had made cassettes for her sister in the seventies who had emigrated elsewhere (when phoning for long was prohibitively expensive), and she had a totally different accent (but still unmistakably her). My siblings and I only found out when my brother was snooping in her stuff, as a teen, and found her passport, stating where she was born. And her DOB! She was also five years older than she'd told us.

About 30 years later, looking on a family tree forum, I found out that her father had been married before, and had three children, about 20 years prior to the family he'd had with my mother's mother. I did not tell my mother that I knew this, but only this year, she nonchalantly dropped into conversation about the three half-siblings, as if she'd always told us of their existence.

Wow! Where was she fro ?

Some wonderful and some sad stories here.
I don't think I've any secrets that people would be surprised by.

I met a nice mum in the playground. We became very friendly, but I always thought she was 'just' a pretty, blonde, stay at home mum who was into fashion and cooking. Had known her a couple of years before I found out she'd won a prestigious scholarship to do her PhD, which she'd completed at a young age. She was a published academic and was incredibly professionally accomplished. I felt like such a judgmental snob, and it really made me have a word with myself about why learning this had come as a shock to me.

My grandmother (and consequently my dad and his siblings) had a bit of a troubled and complicated life (abuse, neglect, alcoholism, poverty etc.). She married twice and so my Dad had 2 half siblings as well.

At her funeral a few years ago they were listing all of her children, my dad, aunt, uncle, 2 half-siblings and Dave*.

Me and my cousins looked at each other mouthing who the F is Dave? My and mum and my Uncle’s wife just said “oh yeah, I’d forgotten about Dave”

I still don’t know the full story but he was my Grandmother’s youngest who she’d had to have adopted My dad won’t talk about it (he must have been a teenager then). My aunt tracked him down and he lives abroad and is apparently happy but doesn’t want further contact.

My mum is in her 80s and she had an older half sister who died a few years back, my grandfather was widowed and remarried.
Her middle aged children apparently don’t know she had a different grandmother from her siblings …

Mother even! So their grandmother is not who they think it is.

@ThurstonArmbrister do tell!

Xyears ago I phoned my sister to find she was in Edinburgh because she was a witness in a High Court murder trial. I wished she had told me so I could have given her some support, it was pretty gruelling I think.

At school we were allowed to pop out at lunchtime so we’d often go to the little row of shops at the end of the road.

I spotted my uncle coming out of one and waved hello. My friend turned around and waved too saying “Hey Uncle X”. Turns out he was an uncle to both of us. Through his side for me and his wife’s for my friend. No work was done for the rest of the day as we figured out our family tree and who we both knew!

My oldest school friend, who, I've known since we were 11 (and remained in very close touch with), only told me when we were in our late 30s that when we were 14/15, 3 boys in our year had sexually assaulted her on the way home from school one day.

I completely understand that she didn't tell me previously; I was devastated for her and it still troubles me almost 30 years after she told me.

@YouJustFoldItIn

Found out my BFF voted Tory. We still speak though.

A lovely person in spite of it then? Who'd have thought it possible?!

Want to know how to spot a Labour voter? Wait ten minutes and they'll tell you what utter scum all Tories are. if you don't know how someone votes because they haven't mentioned it, then it's a safe bet that they are probably a Tory.

Just quietly going about their business of doing what they think is best/right, without haranguing everyone else for thinking differently.

Labour voters should try it. They might win a bit more often if they could just grasp the concept of not alienating people by insulting them.

Want to know how to spot a Tory? Easy peasy.

@VickyEadieofThigh, from the opposite side of things, I wrote a letter to a national newspaper in response to an article sexual violence with respect to 3rd level students. I was contacted by the newspaper and asked if they could include some of that letter in a fuller article, I said yes (my piece involved a stranger rape many years ago).

A few weeks later I was out with friends, and that newspaper piece was mentioned (it was our local town) in discussion. I told them it was me in the article. www.irishtimes.com/news/education/students-and-sexual-assault-we-had-sex-well-he-had-sex-1.3643631

@YouJustFoldItIn

Found out my BFF voted Tory. We still speak though.

A lovely person in spite of it then? Who'd have thought it possible?!

Want to know how to spot a Labour voter? Wait ten minutes and they'll tell you what utter scum all Tories are. if you don't know how someone votes because they haven't mentioned it, then it's a safe bet that they are probably a Tory.

Just quietly going about their business of doing what they think is best/right, without haranguing everyone else for thinking differently.

Labour voters should try it. They might win a bit more often if they could just grasp the concept of not alienating people by insulting them.

Perhaps you're missing the point that 'Tory voter' is a useful shorthand for 'person who supports cutting vital public services while cutting taxes for the richest and who has no problem giving public money to friends' businesses for unusable goods while calling people made redundant through no fault of their own 'scroungers''

HTH

I know of the typical, like best friend found out who her real father was when she was 12/13, he was around all her life but he was known to her as Uncle and surname.

I know something else but it’s potentially a bit outing so won’t post it.

My nana had a very lively life (married and divorced 3 times). I hope she told us all about everything that happened as some of it was bad luck. I’ll tell you about her first marriage. She had to get married at 18/19 to an American man in London who she met through a newspaper advert because she thought she was pregnant (turned out she wasn’t pregnant but became so after marriage). The man was a confidence trickster and ended up in prison. She then got divorced from him immediately when he went to prison sometime in late 1920s/early 1930s and her daughter (my aunt) sadly didn’t know her dad for obvious reasons.

A school mum friend dropped into conversation that she had two vaginas....

@dorisflies. Wtf?!?!?! What on earth do you say to that.

The only story I have was finding out that my grandad had been married before and that everyone in our small town knew about it except my dad and us. From what we gather it was a very short marriage with no children. I don't know any more that that.

My grandad has 2 sons.

He's my step grandad but he's been married to my gran since I was 2 and been together for years before I was born, and my real grandad died when I was 3 - so he's only ever been 'grandad' to me (and he couldn't be a better one!)

His sons refused to speak to him since he left their mum and got together with my gran (it was an affair, which of course is shocking) - and haven't spoken to him for almost 40 years now. They were both teenagers when he left and although it caused massive upset, the fact was that he should never have married his first wife, but did so for various reasons that made sense at the time. He continued to send them money but heard nothing from them from the day he left.

I know what he did tore his first family apart, but it was a shock to me to learn they didn't speak to him, because he is such a key part of our family now. He's been a father figure to my mum and the most amazing grandad in the world to us, not to mention an amazing husband to my gran. As far as I'm concerned he's one of the most wonderful men in the world - though obviously his ex wife and sons don't see it that way.

I feel like she poisoned them against him, and they've missed out on a wonderful relationship with a father who truly loves them.

I only found out when he was in hospital last year with covid and he asked me to pay a bill using his card so I went in his wallet and found photos of both of his boys, that he's carried round for 40 years. It's so incredibly sad.

@Santaischeckinglists

Not a friend but a relative.

Quite suddenly emigrated to USA

Him and dm his dw appeared back soon after.
Apparently nobody was to mention the quick exit and hasty return. All a Big Secret

Until they showed up at a family do and his face was encased in plastic!!
Like an American Ken doll!!

Why ‘emigration’, though? Wasn’t it just a (cosmetic surgery) holiday?

I can think of quite a few (but I can equally think of quite a few things about me that my friends don’t know.)

One friend turned out to have had quite a wild kink life before his marriage and still has a lot of intimate piercings.

One friend gave up a baby for adoption many years ago, having got pregnant in her teens. She only told me when her adult daughter contacted her.

One friend had a short-lived marriage she regretted immediately (as in, she left during the honeymoon) and was able to have annulled.

Another friend, now in her 70s, who has been single as long as I’ve known her, and who I knew had had an interesting, rackety, nomadic life before I knew her, turned out to have been in a relationship with a famous musician and to have had a very famous song written about her.

In my own case, for many years no one knew DH and I had got married, including family. No friends know I was about to become a postulant in an enclosed order in my early 20s.