Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

I try to not have food in the house which I know I have little control over! Luckily my job involves a lot of walking/moving around and I enjoy playing netball

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

The trick for me is not having the small bar or one bag of crisps at all. I rarely have anything to eat in between meals, and if I do it's in a public setting where there's a certain social expectation not to take too much. As a PP said, not having things in the house is a great first step.

It means I'm often feeling hungry but I just ignore it.

It's not one size fits all though and what works for me may not for you.

I don't want to come across as an arsehole but in blunt terms.

I don't eat those things because I don't want to be obese. I would love to eat a huge lasagne with garlic bread on the side and a lovely desert, but I know its too many calories and I don't want to gain weight.

So mostly I choose healthily and occasionally indulge or have a blow out but within a usually healthy controlled diet.

I do eat a tub of ice cream or a whole big bar of chocolate etc at one go. I’m not obese or even fat. If anything, I’m underweight. I think it’s genes, sorry. I have never needed to lose weight and I’m in my 50s and have had three children. I don’t do much exercise. If not genes, I think it’s how I deal with stress. If stressed or anxious, I don’t feel hungry at all and struggle to eat anything.

I think it must be willpower for me - sometimes I really, really want to finish off the whole pack of biscuits but somehow I make myself stop at 2. Doesn't always work but I can usually manage it.

Recognising eating triggers also helps - so being able to differentiate real hunger from just boredom or comfort eating

Combination of factors. I don't like the taste or texture of chocolate, eating before lunchtime can make me feel weirdly queasy so I generally have a small lunch and later dinner. I just don't have food on my mental radar and sweet stuff just doesn't interest me. Genuinely only eat when my stomach rumbles. I usually leave food on plate. I suppose I just have a naturally small appetite. I can however drink like a sailor so I'm not a paragon of virtue by any means...

Thank you for replying. So do you not crave it at all? Have you always been like this or is it willpower?

Look up set point theory. Everyone has a weight set point, which is affected by genetics and environment. Processed western food raises it higher and causes obesity. Dieting slows your metabolism so you're in a vicious cycle.

People who are slim are not virtuous they just have a combination of diet, genetics and environment that makes their set point lower.

The answer for you would be to lose weight very gradually, eschewing processed food, wheat and sugar and building up muscle.

It's not your fault

I try to avoid processed food, sugar and bread (except sourdough a few times a week). Also vegetable and seed oils. It's been a slow (I think slow is necessary for long term change btw) journey to get to the place where I genuinely don't really want these things although I still have them now and again. The modern diet is a poor substitute for real food in its natural state. I don't count calories, I use lard, butter and olive oil freely and never go hungry.

I don't have an off button either. So I gave myself an actual on/off button by taking up intermittent fasting.

I don't make good food choices. Prone to bingeing and not being able to stop once I start eating.

So (except for right now, because I have COVID and it doesn't feel right to fast so much) I have an eating window of 4-6 hours per day. Outside of that, I'm Not Eating. Black coffee and water only. So I don't have to make any food choices at all and there is literally a button on an app on my phone that says I am Not Eating.

Then, in my eating window (which I have in the evening), I don't have to restrict at all. I eat what I want. Sometimes I make good healthy choices, sometimes I don't. But it's enough to keep me reasonably healthy, and a healthy BMI too.

I am convinced that if I didn't have this particular lifestyle, if I tried to start eating every morning with a 'healthy' breakfast etc, I would just keep eating all day and I would become obese eventually.

What I do probably isn't entirely healthy either (not the intermittent fasting - that's been proven to be very good for people, but the fact that I have to hit the 'stop' button on all food instead of eating intuitively). But it's the best way I've found to not think about food all the time and not eat all the time. Because actually, eating all the time and especially eating a lot of junk food just makes me feel rubbish.

I don’t really enjoy eating that much, or the feeling of being really full up. My jobs and my hobbies are all creative, and I have noticed that many, (obviously not all) creative people are a healthy weight; writers, artists, musicians, actors etc. I wonder if the creativity fills a void. Just a theory

Lots of reasons.
Willpower, motivation, not emotional eating, not having certain foods in the home, lifestyle and job/work, smaller or lack of appetite, preference.
It's very individual.
I'm overweight by 2 stone-I'm a massive emotional eater and I eat too much, especially between 5 and 9pm-dinner then snack after snack. I am also very sedentary.

I stop eating when I’m full because it becomes less and less enjoyable if you keep eating after that

A normal chocolate bar is nice, a massive chocolate bar makes me feel sick
A portion of ice cream is delicious, a whole tub would make me feel sick

I really like to enjoy my breakfast lunch and dinner so I make sure any snacking I do won’t affect my appetite for these meals

I hate the feeling of clothes being tight so I’d rather cut down on what I eat / do more exercise than go up a dress size

I don’t really buy that stuff. DH and I meal plan for the week then buy what we need. We rarely have tubs of ice cream in the house etc.

I’m lucky that I also don’t have a sweet tooth, but absolutely love carbs. So I also do lots of weight training as does DH. My mood suffers a lot if I don’t exercise. We have a dog and so do at least 2 long walks a day also.

I guess all those things have given us quite a healthy lifestyle overall and doing it together becomes habit.

I rarely ever buy rubbish food or takeaways. I eat what I like, but I definitely pay attention to how much sugar and calories I'm taking in. I avoid mindless eating. I don't snack in front of the telly, I don't eat after dinner, and I rarely snack during the day. I don't drink my calories, aside from the smoothies I have for breakfast a couple of days a week. I only drink tea or water, which is great for me because I don't like soda or squash.

I only generally only eat one meal a day to keep my IBS under control.
Evening snacking is twice a week absolute maximum, often won't bother for a few weeks at a time.

I am really slim to the point of being skinny. I don't like it at all as I look awful, always been the same. I have an extremely small appetite though, literally full after a few mouthfuls. It is a curse and a blessing if I'm honest.

I’ve never been “fat” as it were. I was a very skinny child and teen-now with middle aged spread I’m a good 12. So probably slightly overweight but not especially so.

I do eat the massive bar of chocolate, entire packet of biscuits or a huge cake etc. But not all the time. And when I am busy or stressed I can go a long time without eating much at all. So it all balances out I think.

That makes me sound really disordered and I’m not. Most days I have 3 meals and rarely snack. But now and again I will eat all the crap, and then balance it by eating less. Not consciously as such, but as an example yesterday I had a massive McDonalds binge. Today I’ve only had small and healthy things as not very hungry and didn’t need breakfast.

I look at them, and think I just don't need to buy the large version.

I am very low presently and as a result I am not exercising or taking care of myself as I should, this is making me feel worse obviously. I am working on it as I know my weight and mood will recover if I spend more time excercising.

I have to really consciously stop myself. I could easily be obese. I can eat and eat, and keep eating when I'm stuffed. I can eat more than most people I know.

I could easily eat 2 dominoes large pizzas and want to keep going until I'm sick.

So I rarely ever have those things. I have to not buy chocolate or crisps. We do gousto so only have the exact dinner ingredients in the house.

Maybe once a month I'll let myself have a binge and will order a pizza, a kebab, chips and sides and eat it all in the same night.

The rest of the time I have to stay away from it all completely.

My weight varies depending on lots of things. The most powerful approach I've found to help me self regulate is

https://gillianriley.com

There is now an online version, I did the course in person, one night a week over several weeks. Also did some follow up work one to one with Gillian when I seemed to have lost the knack a few years later. It got me back thinking about how I would feel.

Hope you find what works for you.

I'm the same as you @Spottyphonecase24

I'm morbidly obese: 25 stone and a size 28

I know I need to lose weight and how to go about it, but I just can't seem to get started. I definitely think it's a mental health issue combined with genetics, for me anyway, as I know I can lose weight (lost 3.5st in 2019) but I just end up sabotaging myself

I wish I had more willpower

I listened to an interview with Zoe Harcombe where she talked about carb addiction. Unlike with drugs/smoking/ drinking you can't just give up food. But she pointed out how when we binge, it's rarely on vegetables or eggs or meat/fish- they just aren't addictive in the way that carby/sugary foods are.
So my answer to my own addiction was to go cold turkey on everything but meat/fish/eggs/ veg (except potatoes and beans) Even fruit is considered a 'gateway drug' to someone addicted to sugar.
It took less than a week to lose the cravings (felt like shite for a few days mind!)
I simply can't have just a bit of anything like bread or sweets or ice cream - like you I'm all or nothing.

I fall off the wagon every now and again but I know how to get back on it now.

I don’t like over eating I feel terrible if I do and I also like eating healthy if possible.
Over eating and eating a lot of unhealthy foods really affects me mentally and physically. I would feel tired and lethargic.

I have horses - I can't allow myself to eat for 16 hours a day (which, to be honest, I think I could, and would enjoy doing), or every time I plonked my arse on their backs, they'd end up as shetland ponies

But you have my sympathy - if I didn't have the horses, I don't think I'd be able to control myself.