Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

For me it's about energy levels. I used to eat a lot of junk in one sitting but always felt guilty, miserable and lethargic the day after so I knocked that habit on the head. I do have a small daily treat, generally in the middle of the day rather than late at night so I don't pang for more and can burn it off. Was never very big but have gone from size 12 to size 10 and it's a lifestyle choice rather than diet, I loathe diets, so dull and boring and never sustainable.

I hate the feeling of clothes being tight so I’d rather cut down on what I eat / do more exercise than go up a dress size

Yes this. I very rarely buy clothes (I have other priorities to spend money on) so I would resent having to buy new stuff in bigger sizes when the clothes I already have are in good condition and don’t need replacing. The only time in my adult life I have had to buy clothes in bigger sizes was during pregnancy and for a year or so afterwards.

Vanity. That’s what stops me. I don’t want to be overweight - it’s a conscious thought that makes me stop over-eating. I lost 4 stones over 10 years ago and went to 10 stone 4lbs. Damned if I’m doing that again!

I don’t have biscuits, chocolate, crisps, fizzy drinks in the house. Takeaway would be grilled chicken kebab and salad. Or sushi. Rarely eat cheese and carbs are even more rare. Couldn’t tell you the last time I had a pudding that wasn’t fruit or yoghurt.

I eat protein and vegetables. Homemade soups.

Love booze though…. But again, I go for lower carb G&T, whiskey etc.

Don't know if it's just me but have found since going on HRT a few months ago my food cravings have virtually stopped and am able to manage my appetite better. Don't think I've lost any weight but hoping. Think my cravings were hormone related. I also have ME/CFS and used to crave sweet food when I get too fatigued. Making sure I eat regularly and take rest and the HRT is helping a lot.

It is a very good question. I am not obese but I would certainly like to lose a bit of weight. I am not into chocolate at the moment so even if my sons have it in the house I just don't like it or eat it. I am into porridge with raisins (which is hardly a diet food!!!) and like you I don't have the off button some people have. Eg my very thin student son like his father simply does not eat much. Their father got down to 9 stone at one point (and is 5 foot ten) and his own father lived to over 90 and was very skinny. They move around an awful lot and my thin student son eg will make what to me looks like a tiny lunch of salad and the nhe never eats until dinner and some days just hardly eats at all. We often joke if we could just swap he could gain some weight he might want and I could lose them.

If he is busy he just does not bother to eat whereas if I am busy the one thing I will never forget is my food.

I would never eat ice cream as I just don't like it so may be the reason I am not obese although certainly not skinny is the foods I like then not to be that bad eg the porridge (or steak with red pepper - another current favourite) seem to leave me full for quite a while.

I crave and do eat...absolute shite. I am probably 8 pounds overweight. The reason I am not obese is that I can only eat so much. For example, I could only eat half a tub of ice cream or one bar or choc because if I ate any more, I would feel sick. I am just unable to eat if I am full. I would lost sorely in an eating competition.

BUT

My diet is horrendous and even though I am not very overweight or obese, I reckon there people who are significantly heavier than I am who would be healthier than me on a nutritional level.

@AndTime

I don't want to come across as an arsehole but in blunt terms.

I don't eat those things because I don't want to be obese. I would love to eat a huge lasagne with garlic bread on the side and a lovely desert, but I know its too many calories and I don't want to gain weight.

So mostly I choose healthily and occasionally indulge or have a blow out but within a usually healthy controlled diet.

Same here.

I was obese throughout childhood. In my early 20s I lost 6 stone in a year through sheer will power. I’m now mid 40s and apart from pregnancy have never been heavier than 9 stone (I’m 5’ 7” so a size 8). I won’t ever put on weight again as I remember how unhappy I was. I would bloody love to eat all the foods I want to but I’d rather be slim. Probably makes me sound boring but I feel better slim.

If I ate a whole tub of ice-cream I would feel bad. Maybe it was programmed into me as a child because my mum was and still is about all things in moderation. We ate cake every day, we were allowed sweets and crisps but never were we allowed to over-indulge because that would have been greedy. Mum always served meals in what she termed as 'quite sufficient' portions. Food was never about comfort or reward, it was always about nutrition and good flavours and keeping healthy- she always talked about how this had a lot of vitamin c, or eat this it has lots of iron, or calcium etc.

I have to say I do indulge a lot more than my parents do- but I think I self regulate- so if I overeat one day, I'll be more frugal the next- although that's not really something I'm overly conscious of doing- it's just something I think I do sub-consciously.

Maybe you should ask yourself why you want to eat a whole tub of ice-cream, or a family sized bar of chocolate? I don't because firstly I know it's not healthy, will make me feel sick, and I don't want to put weight on.

Drinking a lot of water dulls the appetite.

Honestly for me it’s pure luck. My diet isn’t great, I don’t do structured/planned exercise. I got my father’s fussy palate and sweet tooth but I also got his metabolism and inability to sit still. My job is physical too. And I do eat smaller portions than most people I know- not a choice- I just get to the “I’m full” stage after small amounts. Doesn’t mean I’m healthy though. Just not obese. If I had a different genetic make up- eating like I do- I’d be very overweight.

I could easily be overweight if i let myself. Im underweight at the minute but i have an eating disorder and im working on it.

I used to be overweight, last night reminded me why. I never buy multipack crisps anymore as i have no self control. Hadnt bought them for at least 8 months then the other day ordered some with the weekly shop. I ate 8 packets of monster munch, 3 kitkats and an egg custard last night, I just couldnt reach that full feeling. I just felt empty.

I dont buy a lot of certain foods because i know i cant help myself bht over indulge if its infront of me

@AndTime

I don't want to come across as an arsehole but in blunt terms.

I don't eat those things because I don't want to be obese. I would love to eat a huge lasagne with garlic bread on the side and a lovely desert, but I know its too many calories and I don't want to gain weight.

So mostly I choose healthily and occasionally indulge or have a blow out but within a usually healthy controlled diet.

Same for me. I know eating junk will make me gain weight, so I try not to do it too often. And I keep of my weight. If it starts creeping up, I'll cut down on the crap and do some exercise.

I am conscious of my weight. If I look even remotely chubby in the mirror, I try to fix it. I don’t want to be overweight.

I don't like the feeling of being stuffed - it makes me feel icky and hurts my abdomen, so I try to avoid it. I like the taste of the food - but not enough to make me get over not wanting to feel stuffed.

I didn't used to be like this, perhaps eating loads of fruit, veg and fibre, and less carbs helps? I definitely had to go through a period where I wanted to stuff and used willpower to overcome that, but now it's easy.

Combination of things.

Mon-Fri I eat as healthily as possible, by that I mean no chocolate, crisps, ice cream, wine etc. Sat/ Sun I eat what the hell I want, and that does often involve a cream cake/ chocolate and lots of wine.

Mon- Fri I do 16:8 fasting so only eat between 11am and 7pm. This at first helped me drop a few lbs, now it helps me maintain. It also helps me be able to eat shite at the weekend and not put weight on.

I don't buy shite (Mon-Fri) so it's not in the house. I live rurally so would have to drive 10 mins to the nearest shop, park up etc if I really decided I wanted that chocolate bar and quite frankly I can't be arsed.

I like to be active, I try and get my 10,000 steps in a day through walking the dog and I run a couple of times a week too, also horse ride 3-4 times a week.

But yeh, tbh it is willpower. If I had a house full of sweet treats....I'd eat them, simple as so I have to not have them in the house and look forward to the weekend for them.

Having said all the above, I do have whatever I want for dinner Mon-Fri (except have a takeaway, I won't do that) but my dinner's definitely aren't always healthy, but the fact I don't eat crap throughout the day and do my fasting balances it out.

It's a concentrated effort, but really not much of one. I'm 8st4lbs, a size 6-8 on top and 8-10 on bottom, so it does help me stay fairly slim so for me it's worth it.

Isn't this a bit like asking why some people can enjoy a few glasses of wine and stop and some people develop alcohol addiction?

Morbid obesity is a result of an addiction to emotional eating. The combination of fat and sugar triggers the dopamine response in your brain; similar to a drug high.

Some people are more susceptible to developing an addiction to bingeing on fat and sugar for a multitude of reasons, not related to will power.

What is your therapist's take on your obesity Op?

I think a key takeaway here is that we have a lot in common but we are also all different. Being obese isn't your fault or a failing in you. Hormones, genes that control calorie absorption, your sense of satiety and appetite all have brought you to where you are.
The thing here, though, is not what stops others from being obese. You have to manage YOUR body and its response to food. What can YOU do to stop obesity in YOU?
There are some great tips here, including not even having it in the house, fasting periods, recognising the discomfort from having overeating, monitoring the emotional response to food.
your obesity is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to manage.
I wish you the absolute best in finding a way that works and do forgive yourself as you find what works (even if it doesn't work ALL the time).

DH is overweight/obese, I’m not.

We eat the same evening dinner (I always buy the lower fat or whole wheat version of anything) and always at least 1 side of veg.

However my daytime - I don’t eat breakfast, and I’ll just have a light ish lunch. If I snack, I know when to stop and don’t just eat chocolate/cake/ice cream. I don’t like feeling full and high fat food makes me sluggish so I don’t eat much of it. I drink water or diet soda.

DH on the other hand has three meals a day, sometimes even two breakfasts, usually will add crisps and chocolate in, drinks more alcohol than me and has takeaways at work.

His parents have very poor nutrition and feed grandkids shite because they can’t cook. They also let them eat unlimited chocolate, cake, biscuits and crisps. His parents are both overweight too.

My parents taught me about balance and we had healthy food in the house, not crap. Treats were only allowed in moderation.

So he’s overweight because he eats too much and the wrong kind of food, because he wasn’t taught any different. I’m not because I don’t. That’s how simple it is here.

People definitely do have different appetites, though. I have to exercise hard and diet constantly or I put on weight. My husband doesn't notice if he skips meals and never easy if he is upset or pissed off- stress kills his appetite, but it increases mine.

Don't beat yourself up over what you can't change, but accept the hand you've been dealt (big appetite, little notion of satiety or whatever) and try to overcome it intelligently.

Easier said than done, I know.

I got sick of myself and felt unhealthy, I was unhappy.
To lose it I followed a very low cal diet along with 15k steps a day and weights classes.
To keep it off I weigh myself twice a week and when I go above 66kg I do a few low cal days.

I agree with Bookworm20 about eating chocolate regularly becomes a habit for me. If I eat chocolate a few days in a row, I definitely start to crave it and it's an determined effort to resist it. But also agree that after a day or so of not having the chocolate, I stop thinking about it and don't miss it.

For me it's definitely a case of not eating everything I want to even though I really really want to. I haven't been obese but spent years overweight and struggling to diet. I did have a lightbulb moment and it was as simple as "I want to lose weight more than I want to eat this biscuit ". It was a random afternoon during the week when I suddenly started paying attention to what I was eating and saying no, I don't need that or I don't need that much.

I look at the big chocolate bar and think ‘that would be really bad and unhealthy to eat all of that myself’ and so I buy the small one. Nothing more complicated than that.

I don't know why, because I usually eat whatever I want including chocolate, biscuits etc every day! I expect it to catch up with me one day, but I'm 37 and so far it hasn't. I think I just have a fast metabolism. I worry more about the damage the sugar is doing rather than my weight actually, but I don't have an off button either. Definately sugar and carb addicted. The only things I can think of that maybe help keep the weight off are that I move a lot (not necessarily exercise but I run around doing things all day), I'm a vegetarian which saves some calories, and my meals are usually veg and carbs and not huge, so probably not super high calorie, which allows for the many snacks I have between meals

I am following this. I am not obese but I am overweight. Like you, I crave sugar and carbohydrates and can't seem to stop once I start.

Trying to reduce my intake makes me hangry, I get headaches and can't think straight .

I think it's hormonal. It's got worse since I have been starting going through the menopause

Same reason I don't smoke or do drugs.

I have the resolve and will power to understand that it is harming to do so. I don't have a concious thought about it. I just eat healthily, exercise and allow myself to enjoy food also (just in moderation for those things that cause weight gain)

In all seriouness, I wonder how people get to size 24, at what stage do you start to think, actually i am putting on weight and may need to exercise or eat less?