Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

[Helpimfalling]

@BlibBlabBlob

I don't have an off button either. So I gave myself an actual on/off button by taking up intermittent fasting.

I don't make good food choices. Prone to bingeing and not being able to stop once I start eating.

So (except for right now, because I have COVID and it doesn't feel right to fast so much) I have an eating window of 4-6 hours per day. Outside of that, I'm Not Eating. Black coffee and water only. So I don't have to make any food choices at all and there is literally a button on an app on my phone that says I am Not Eating.

Then, in my eating window (which I have in the evening), I don't have to restrict at all. I eat what I want. Sometimes I make good healthy choices, sometimes I don't. But it's enough to keep me reasonably healthy, and a healthy BMI too.

I am convinced that if I didn't have this particular lifestyle, if I tried to start eating every morning with a 'healthy' breakfast etc, I would just keep eating all day and I would become obese eventually.

What I do probably isn't entirely healthy either (not the intermittent fasting - that's been proven to be very good for people, but the fact that I have to hit the 'stop' button on all food instead of eating intuitively). But it's the best way I've found to not think about food all the time and not eat all the time. Because actually, eating all the time and especially eating a lot of junk food just makes me feel rubbish.

Please can you tell me what hours you do @BlibBlabBlob

And do you really have an app or something in your phone.

Lock down has messed me up and I think it's a good method because as soon as I eat breakfast im hungry all day.

Thanks

[Interrobanger]

Without outing myself too much, I work with people who struggle with their weight and body image. In my experience people who over-eat do so because of deep rooted emotional reasons - childhood abuse and/or neglect, trauma, sexual trauma, undiagnosed neurodiversity, bereavement...

The reason is never that they simply like cake too much.

I look at over-eating as being under the same umbrella as addiction. It's another way of self-medicating to manage emotional pain. Just as an alcoholic drinks to self-medicate, or a workaholic uses work to distract themselves from feeling emotional pain.

I've seen people with binge-eating disorders make amazing progress through therapy. Once they start addressing the cause of their pain, the need to over-eat diminishes. But it's painful work - not everyone is ready or able to do it. And it can be slow progress, which is frustrating when you want to see quick results.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

Nothing stops me doing those things. I just dont do them routinely. Im a size 12 btw.

[User3579]

Constant denial. I want those things too but have no sense of moderation so I don’t touch junk food at all. If I have a bit I won’t be able to stop. Exercise also helps because I feel better about myself so I actually want to eat healthier.
The depressing truth for me is I need to be a bit hungry most of the time to not be overweight.

[SoConfused3399]

For me, it's just habit really. Getting used to not eating snacks between meals, puddings etc and not buying them. Low-ish carb eating helps too I think, my body gets used to it and I feel less hungry and crave carbs less. If I feel anxious I also tend not to eat too much so the odd bit of worry about things helps drop a few lbs occasionally! I'm also not keen on the feeling of being really full.

I found pregnancy and breastfeeding (not sure if hormones or just needing more calories) made me really crave a lot of sweet food so I put on weight then but not too much (maybe due to burning some of it and it wasn't a huge time period).

[Leftbutcameback]

Sometimes it’s willpower, but a lot of the time it’s because I don’t like that uncomfortable full feeling. It makes me feel horrible. Having said that I have found recently I’ve not been feeling full after meals so I suppose I know I've eaten as much as I should be eating and just put up with the hunger now. I also weight myself every morning which helps motivate me. As others have said I can’t have some foods in the house otherwise I eat them all. Occasionally I do that and it reminds me not to do so again! I do love food so that’s what I have to battle against.

[CrotchetyQuaver]

I've battled my weight most of my adult life. I found a good trick was not to have this stuff to hand. If I was really craving it then I had to go out and buy it. If it was in the house already then it was likely to get eaten.
Having said that there is definitely a hormonal aspect to weight gain. I gave up smoking and the weight piled on much to my distress and it wasn't due to inactivity or eating more. I had 10 years of that, research showed there is a link between nicotine and oestrogen (the weight was gained after I stopped nicotine patches). I started smoking again last year following a very difficult time and I've lost over 2 stone since without even trying.
So many different things could be causing it...

[LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour]

I have an off button (or lower "set point"). I do sometimes pig out on ice cream or chocolate, but generally I don't feel inclined to eat if I'm not hungry, and, like a previous poster, if I'm stressed I tend to eat less, not more. I also don't drink much alcohol.

It's luck and genetics, I expect.

[NorthSouthcatlady]

I refuse to buy bigger clothes (eventually l will get into some black trousers that were too tight to me yesterday!). I exercise every day, could be anything from a walk, to a run, to the gym, gym class or badminton. I plan my week to include work, exercise etc. We normally do 8-10 of fruit / veg a day, only have takeaway occasionally (the first year we live together only had it 3-4 times) and meal plan. Try to keep alcohol to maybe 1 weekday and 1 weekend but sometimes less. Don’t have dessert everyday. Healthy snacks at home e.g. 100 calories bags of popcorn, cereal bars, yoghurt etc. Rarely buy fizzy drinks e.g. coca cola. We are far from saints, Christmas at our house is pure indulgence of alcohol, chocolate, rich heavy meals

@Lamentations exactly, we all need some fat

[Leftbutcameback]

@Interrobanger that’s really well put, and makes sense.

[anon12345678901]

I'm careful what I eat, although I eat a lot in a day, it's fuel for the gym. I eat chocolate every day because I enjoy it, but I wouldn't sit there and eat loads of processed foods as it makes me feel sluggish and sick.
If I couldn't exercise I'd still watch what I ate, as honestly I wouldn't like the physical or health aspects of being obese. That may not be a nice thing to say but it's the truth for me.

[Andante57]

My theory as to why I’m slim is this:

Many moons ago I went to a boarding school where the food would’ve provoked a riot in a Victorian workhouse.
I only ate the very minimum and although I was often quite hungry i preferred that to forcing the revolting food down my throat.
I think my stomach shrank like a jockey’s and |’ve had a small appetite ever since.

[BlibBlabBlob]

The Obesity Code by Jason Fung is really worth a read if you are very overweight and serious about losing it permanently. Just going on Weight Watchers i.e. a reduced calorie diet will only work temporarily and you will feel very hungry and ultimately you will put the weight back on and more. You need to deal with the problem of insulin resistance rather than just forcing your body to exist on less fuel. Because although at first you will lose weight, your body will adapt to the lower calorie intake by slowing your metabolism and weight loss will cease.

[ScaryHairyMcClary]

I have a massive sweet tooth and I’m an emotional eater but I’m not overweight. I was brought up with basically healthy eating habits and I think this has given me mental red lines, eg I will eat 4-5 biscuits if I’m having a bad day but I’d feel guilty eating the whole packet so I (usually!) stop there. I barely drink any alcohol and don’t eat much processed food which helps. It really helps if you only have healthy stuff in the house. I do check my weight every now and then and take action if it creeps over a certain point.

[QueenDanu]

Interesting question. I think because i hate the feeling of being too full. It's so uncomfortable.

But i believe that feeling goes when you've been obese for q while. Could be wrong. I want to lose 10lbs by the way. Im no model

[Mushrooms0up]

A mix! I consciously don’t want to gain weight so for example I won’t finish a full portion of chips most of the time even though I easily could. I love bread and butter and could easily eat a whole baguette every day. But I dont, I buy it every so often as a treat.

I also subconsciously regulate, so if I have a takeaway one evening I’d eat healthier the next day.

Sweet side is a lot easier, I feel sick if I eat too much so I just don’t eat it. Even as a child I’d be given loads of Easter eggs and free access to eat them, and most would be thrown away as I just didn’t fancy it.

It’s harder with WFH though I have to say, I’m a lot less active and I’ve gained about half a stone

[RhodaDendron]

I have a lot to different things that stop me overreating, for example if I eat too much sugar one day I will get toothache by the evening or painful spots the next day. If I eat too much stodge I get constipated! I do over eat some days but these things mean I course correct the next day. I’m good at positive eating, I can make always time to eat carrots and I’m aware I feel better for it. In the supermarket I try and buy weird treats like cooked prawns, which are strange random thing to eat, but better than my first choice of chocolate cake. I do also eat chocolate cake some days. DH thinks it’s all rubbish and purely genetic but I definitely think this approach helps.

[Firesidefox]

I know that I'll feel awful if I stuff my face, so I don't. Will power has got easier as I've got older - in my teens I ate what I wanted and didn't stop, but now I just know it's not worth it.

I know I will be happier if I eat a homemade omelette for lunch rather than get a Five Guys delivered. I occasionally have a Five Guys, but hardly ever so that when I do, I enjoy it. And when I do, I don't have a milkshake as I know a burger plus chips plus milkshake is too much and I'll feel sick.

I also get pleasure from looking nice and fitting into clothes, so that helps me stop. I think my appetite has learnt its limits now so it's easier.

I also exercise a lot - v useful if I've stuffed myself as it makes me feel better.

I am not skinny at all, I'm 5ft 6in and a size 12, but am happy with that and exert self-control to stay that way.

[WouldBeGood]

Apparently lots of processed food contains sugars that make you crave more of it, whether or not it actually tastes sweet. So it’s harder to limit intake or realise that you’re full.

I’ve been listening to a podcast that explains it as I’m trying to lose weight myself, though i do lots of exercise. I don’t eat big chocolate bars and things as I have trained myself not to, but can have a square. I’m eating lots of protein which fills me up and to be honest, I’d probably be much thinner if I quit wine 😳

I’ve found out how many calories per day i need to eat to lose weight and aim for a general calorie deficit. I’m also trying really hard to eat just when I’m hungry and not bored. And I try to keep busy and active which helps with net energy expenditure and the boredom

[Crumpetsandhoney]

For me there is a differen e between emotional hunger which can't be satisfied and real hunger which can be. When I put on weight it is cause emotionally eating. I've found hypnotherapy really helpful for getting in touch with my natural appetite. It's not a permanent fix as for me food is the thing that I go to and I have sessions every couple of years or so to keep me on track.

[GreyTS]

I love food, can easily eat a full tub of ice cream or an xtra large McDonald's meal but I do feel unwell after and won't fri it again for a long time. I was raised eating delicious and healthy food so that's what I enjoy mostly. I put on a lot of weight with my 1st baby and it had such a dramatic impact on my health, sore knees, lack of energy etc so it's not just vanity that keeps me on the straight and narrow.....I love exercise so being injured scares me

[GiltEdges]

I guess ultimately I don't want to be overweight, so I use willpower to limit what I eat to stay within a weight/size range that I'm happy with.

I definitely find it easier if I avoid buying things in large or family size portions full stop, so e.g. I'll buy fun size chocolate bars and allow myself one as a treat if I fancy it. Or mini ice cream tubs instead of one large one, etc.

I also only snack on fruit during the day and save "unhealthy" treats for an evening once DS is in bed; more often than not I'm past it by then and don't have anything.

Weekends I'm slightly more laid back and will have a few glasses of wine, the odd takeaway, a proper dessert after a meal maybe. But I also increase my exercise on those days to limit the damage

[80sMum]

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I no longer buy any of those things, so they're not a temptation. When I feel like eating a snack (usually late evening) it's usually a choice of tomatoes, cucumber, apple, strawberries or a protein/nut bar!

I used to snack on chocolate and/crisps almost daily.

Oddly, I've actually gained weight in the past year or two. I'm over a stone heavier than I used to be. But as I started from 8st I'm lucky enough to still to be in the "normal" BMI range.

[Firesidefox]

Oh yes, positive eating is a big help. I aim for my 5 a day, so am always thinking how near that I've got. I also aim for some kefir/live yoghurt every day, try to add some apple cider vinegar into a smoothie, have some dark chocolate after lunch for the benefits, etc.

Positive eating really helps change your mindset I reckon.

[zafferana]

For me it's willpower, a hatred of feeling over-full, a food intolerance and gastric reflux, the combination of which prevent me from overeating.

I also refuse to buy clothes in a bigger size, so if my clothes get tight I have to lose weight. As a strategy, it works and I've taken the same clothes size for 35 years.