Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

[Teenagekicksmyass]

I keep coming back to this thread because I found it so helpful. I lost 3 stone on Slimming World a few years ago, and put it all back on again. This thread has shown me that I am definitely an emotional eater and I have taken steps to address that.
I eat much more slowly and mindfully now, really chew my food and feel full much more quickly. I have lost 8 pounds in 3 weeks and can’t believe it! I haven’t restricted myself to ‘diet’ foods as that just makes me obsess over eating. I have just eaten what I fancy but less of it.
I have a herniated disk in my back and my weight isn’t helping.
I can honestly say that this thread was my lightbulb moment, thank you OP for starting it.

[sobercuriouskind]

I've been so inspired by this thread. I have a huge amount of weight to lose and this thread got me motivated. Two weeks in and I'm already half a stone lighter. One member mentioned and recommended Corinne Crabtree (thank you!) I've been listening to her podcast and I've finally found a way of thinking for weight loss that I can see helping me make sustainable changes.

[CaptainCabinets]

Hi OP, I have been obese for all of my adult life but recently made some huge changes to my lifestyle to stop being obese. The main one is I eat less and move more so I’m in a calorie deficit. If I fancy a ‘treat’, I’ll have a Curly Wurly or a bag of Skips. I don’t buy many processed foods and cook all my own meals from scratch. Meal prepping and batch cooking is a win!

Drink lots of water and don’t drink your calories away

[ihavespoken]

Thankyou @OnyxOryx that does sound helpful - I will try and come up with some rules like that too

[OnyxOryx]

@Ihavespoken I don't know if this helps you at all, but I have "healthy eating rules" for myself that keeps me on track.

It starts with two meals a day, dinner and tea. If I wake up hungry, which is rare, then I'll have breakfast too and put honey on it. There's no point denying myself sweet things otherwise I'll end up eating twice due to the sugar cravings.

Fruit and vegetables I have unlimited because they're good for you, nutritious and hardly any calories. So if I'm really hungry and need a big meal, it's extra veg that goes on the plate and if I need a late night or mid-mealtimes snack, it's fruit or half tin of vegetable soup.

I use vintage plates and a portion is the size of the palm of your hand, so no weighing necessary. Usually one portion of veg, one protein, one carbs. If I'm not that hungry I'll skip the carbs and have two portions veg. But I eat at the same times daily so my hunger times tend to remain steady day-to-day, if that makes sense. If I run out of vintage plates I'm mindful that my meal will look like a snack in the centre of a modern plate, if it looks like a plateful on a modern plate it's too much. I never eat until I'm stuffed, I feel full after a meal but not stuffed. I can get on with things and feel no need to sit around digesting my meal before I can move again. I think that helps because it means I'm always moving, not sitting down for hours at a time.

I have a sweet tooth so denying myself sweet things is not going to work, but I limit it to one sweet-treat per day and I don't worry how many calories are in it, but it is definitely limited to one. It balances itself out because it might be a slice of chocolate cake on Monday (350kcal) and a yoghurt on Tuesday (125kcal) and maybe if I had breakfast I don't feel like I need that snack. Some days the sweet thing adds very few calories. Sometimes it's ice cream and a crushed merangue with my fruit, which feels like an extra meal.

I eat crisps daily they're one of my favourite things, I pick the salty flavourful ones over the oily ones and they're usually under 100kcal per bag. Never buy pringles or big bags because I'll eat the whole lot at once.

I drink fruit juice, but only one glass per day and I dilute it 50/50 with water. To start with it tasted wrong but now I find it too sweet to drink undiluted, your taste buds change.

I have one sugar in tea but only have one or max two cups of tea daily because of the caffeine in it, the rest of the time it's calorie free/very low calorie things like water, herbal tea or very diluted squash juice. Things like lemonade or alcohol are occasional treats, for reasons of remaining healthy not just calorific content.

If you figure out what rules you need to maintain weight it becomes easy to decide what to eat and when each day. I eat all the bad stuff like pizza, but I eat half of one with salad. I eat a square or two of 70% cocoa chocolate not a giant bar of milk chocolate. I love milk chocolate and will happily eat it even if I'm already full, the dark stuff I won't want it unless I'm actually hungry, at that point I'll enjoy it. I'm eating usually from 12noon until 10pm, eating every 3hrs roughly, but only eating a small amount and/or low calorie things. I'm not generally feeling deprived in any way. I could binge on sugary rubbish and enjoy doing that, but I don't because all my life I've heard women talk about struggling to lose weight. Everyone says it's easier to put it on that to lose it, they can't all be wrong. I've never been big and I don't think I'd like it. Not only from the prospect of having to replace my entire wardrobe but from considering how it feels to carry a small child around and imagining carrying that extra weight around with me all day every day, whenever I moved. I see really large people walking and they look uncomfortable a lot of the time. I hear people out of breath on the stairs due to their weight. I can't imagine being I'd be happy weighing dramatically different to my usual weight. That's what keeps me making the healthier choices and limiting the junk food.

[ihavespoken]

@PurpleDaisies

I don’t think I’ve explained myself very well.

Lots of diets are great for losing weight but once you’ve lost it, there really doesn’t seem to be as much guidance on how to maintain a healthy weight. One way to lose weight is to do a modified, stricter version of how you’ll eat forever. If you’re very obese and suffering health complications due to that, it might be that you do something ultra strict for a short time on medical advice and then move on to something less extreme.

I wonder if some people like the prescriptive ness of a particular diet and then struggle when that becomes “eat healthily” when they’ve hit their target.

This resonates with me.
I have recently lost a stone by reducing the amount of processed food / snacks / unhealthy food I ate. I ate loads of fruit + veg and lean protein and some dairy and never felt hungry.

However now I've "done it" I am finding it hard to relax and continue with my healthy eating ways. I know I could eat a bit more, or a few more treats, but my control-freak tendencies have been put into overdrive by following my eating plan and now I am struggling to turn them off .

I definitely don't want to go back to mindlessly eating shit all the time but I recognise that I can't weigh and measure everything I put in my mouth for the rest of my life!

[RedMarauder]

@BobISMyUncle there are men who are worried about their weight.

I've worked with them and also have walked, ran and cycled passed them.

However they only tend to say something about their weight as they are losing it, or state loudly when talking to a friend they have taken up their new activity to help them lose weight.

[OnyxOryx]

@BobISMyUncle

Please may I ask a question?
Why are women so obsessed about their weight?
Could you please, please, look at the men? Do they worry about how they look? Initially, probably.
Why, please, tell me, why a "six pack" turns into a barrel?
Sorry. Rant over. Mostly.
This stuff makes me SO cross!! We are so much better than this.

So because many men look like absolute shit, women should lower their standards to fit in/match? How about everyone raising their standards to be healthier, including the men.

That's what is behind it for me. I'm not obsessed, but ever since I've been a child hearing the adults around me speak, I've realised it's not easy to lose weight. So I've avoided putting on any excess. If I get towards the top of healthy, I diet a few pounds off. I never let it get out of control. I can easily tell from the way my clothes fit (or not!).

I'll never be overweight if I can help it because for myself, at the top end of healthy I have a spare tyre round my middle (albeit a fairly flat looking spare tyre) causing unsightly bulges at the waistband of my clothes, especially when I sit. This happens even if I size up, it's not the clothes it's my body. Not only do I dislike the way it looks, I can't stand the way it feels. I'd be cold wearing dresses without tights in winter to avoid the problem (preferring to wear jeans/jumper), so if I want to be able to wear any clothing with a waistband and feel comfortable, I need to stay around the middle of the healthy weight range for my height. I'm also someone who craves vegetables if I eat too much junk food, like some other posters have mentioned. So these are my motivating factors.

[OnyxOryx]

@Idontbelieveit14

I also know exactly how to lose weight I lost 5 and a half stone a few years ago. I resent people who have never had a weight problem telling us it’s as easy as eating less and moving more 🙄

In you case the thingthat stand out to me is that you're eating to deal with feeling miserable. So the cure for that is to find some other way of coping with the feelings. Make a list of things that cheers you up so when you're misery eating and can't think past that, it's all written down so you can pick something and do that instead. You are more than your body, so do things to boost your self esteem, then you'll feel less miserable about yourself and so less inclined to misery eat in the first place. You can already see how messed up it is to feel bad about how you look then eat to cheer yourself up, making the problem worse. It's self-sabotage. Make a decision to commit to self-help instead.

[OnyxOryx]

I really don't get what this post is doing on this type of thread

Probably because early on in the thread someone asked where all the slim people who eat junk food are, as if such a thing wasn't possible. And it seemed like a genuine question, not a dig at slim people, so naturally there's going to be some replies.

The thread is "why aren't you obese" not "what's the best way to diet" so you're going to get a range of people replying with range of opinions, not just overweight people wanting to lose weight. There's nothing smug about it, for the poster who said that, it's just people sharing their experiences.

[SunshineCake1]

I'm reading a few posts a day but it is sad that there has been some self satisfied, doesn't help the OP or people like her and tone deaf posts.

Eating is so complex. It has taken me years to work out the narrative in my head of why I did something but I doubt it would make sense to anyone else.

[whatisthisinhere]

I'm at the top end of my bmi. I'm trying half heartedly to lose half a stone. But I kind of like how I look at the moment, which I'm surprised by. My face looks softer, my boobs are rounder. And my stomach doesn't look worse. But for the sake of my health, I really should. I've been so happy eating though. But as has been said before on this thread, I want to reign it in before I have to buy a new wardrobe

[OhIfIMust]

I was very obese. 5 stone and almost three years later I’m now in the ‘overweight’ range with a BMI of 28 but that seems to be about natural for me. I lost it by making sure I plan the food I’ll eat every day within a calorie deficit and exercising (combination of HIIT, weights, swimming, walking) at least 3 hours a week. The weight came off about two pounds a week. I’ve had a stable weight for about a year now. On the days I exercise more, I can eat more, so if I fancy a treat like a restaurant meal or takeaway I have it then. I only have low cal treats in the house to stop the temptation of late night snacking. If I go on holiday and relax about the calorie deficit for a day or two, I just get back on with it again and any pound or two that I’ve put on comes off again. I’ve tried every diet going over the past 20 or 30 years and I’d say the “off” switch isn’t what you need to develop - it’s more mentally making a decision you don’t want to be obese and committing to eating within a calorie deficit if you want to lose weight. Follow the science not faddy diets which suggest you cut out food (which you’re then more likely to obsess over).
Good luck - it’s hard but you can get there.

[rive]

I said post-menopausal.

[AliceAbsolum]

I'm not obese partly because I'm scared of it, partly because I don't use food to regulate my emotions, and partly because of the big complex issues of culture and genetics I guess. Not v helpful

[Pawprintpaper]

Active job (on my feet most of the day)
Walking dog and school run
A form of intermittent fasting - no breakfast, light lunch (avoiding bread where practical), half of plate being veg/salad with normal family meal at teatime, big cup of tea instead of evening munchies.

This Works for me, if I go back to eating whatever I like, I’m always surprised that weight goes back on, so I am always kind of regulating within about half a stone. Although this has crept up by a few pounds each time I had a baby, so I have gone up a dress size over the last 10 years. Also belly fat/muffin top goes quickly but my thighs never seem to get any smaller.

[SunshineCake1]

@daisypond

I am very slim and eat lots of chocolate and biscuits. I would have some every day. I like chips, curries, pizza but all will be homemade. I don’t eat takeaways or drink alcohol or have ready meals. I’m vegetarian. I would never eat bacon, eggs and sausage. I’m not very active. For two weeks I’ve struggled from the bed to the sofa and back - (been ill). A typical day would be porridge with raisins, banana and milk, or two slices of toast with peanut butter. Lunch was baked potato with ratatouille filling and cheese, chocolate cake, two apples. Snack was cheese sandwich. I also had a Complan drink to give some extra calories and nutrition. Dinner will be butternut squash risotto. A few cups of tea, two glasses of orange juice. There’s a 200g bar of chocolate here just looking at me, which I’ll eat later.

I really don't get what this post is doing on this type of thread

[Ddot]

Wantanotherdog
Thankyou!

[Ddot]

Wantanotherdog
U could be right my sister was tested but she was borderline. I've had problems for years with wheat but I had an operation which removed my stomach and that made things alot worse.

[HereWeGoAgains]

We’re away on holiday and I’ve been eating rubbish all week, crisps, cheese, bread, ice creams. Food on the go with the kids. I am craving vegetables and salad, I’ll eat normally when we get back, but I get to the point where I just can’t eat like this anymore. I can’t maintain it. I couldn’t eat this badly full time, as my normal.

[ThePoisonousMushroom]

[quote RedMarauder]@HappySonHappyMum you do realise you are going to have to keep to that diet for the rest of your life unless you want the weight to come back on? So once you get a few more stone off work out a way so that you can have a restaurant meal once every few weeks into your diet.[/quote]
You can eat fresh, non processed food at restaurants too!

[wantanotherdog]

@Ddot
I don't want to step in where angels fear to tread but you do know that there is a simple blood test done at the surgery for coeliac disease? I probably had it for ages before I was diagnosed with a couple of (ahem) incidents....

[HappySonHappyMum]

@RedMarauder I do realise this - but I can go to most restaurants and ask for extra vegetables/salad instead of chips. At the moment I am feeling good because I haven't eaten these foods - I know that if I have a little I'm going to want a lot so making them a no go is working for me. It's going to be tough because carbs were the thing I always craved but taking them away has seen my appetite and continual hunger decrease massively.

[RedMarauder]

@HappySonHappyMum you do realise you are going to have to keep to that diet for the rest of your life unless you want the weight to come back on? So once you get a few more stone off work out a way so that you can have a restaurant meal once every few weeks into your diet.

[Ddot]

Think my niece didn't want me embarrassing myself on the high street, didn't like to tell her, been there done that