Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not keep my baby awake for my DHs benefit?

422 replies

AnotherGo123 · 16/10/2021 10:34

My DH has a v long commute which he hates. He is entirely lazy at looking for work closer to home. He's a teacher so absolutely could be working 15 mins away if he applied.

My baby is 6 months old. He doesn't nap that well during the day and by 6.30pm he is beside himself tired. My DH gets home at 6.15 (he actually manages to go for a quick swim after work. He leaves work at 4pm)

He says I'm inconsiderate because I "whip the baby away" the minute he gets home. I wfh so see baby a lot more and he says its so tough not seeing baby at all and it makes him depressed to be commuting all this time and only get 5 mins with baby

But baby cries and cries at bedtime at 7pm because he's too tired. He thinks I'm being totally inflexible and says what difference it makes. Anyone with a small baby will know it can make all the difference

I get he wants to see his baby but when I put baby ti bed and he's crying his eyes out I know that actually those tears are avoidable if I just started bedtime earlier and it makes me feel terrible.

AIBU

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 16/10/2021 10:35

Why can’t he come home earlier to see his dc and go for a swim later?

LittleBearPad · 16/10/2021 10:36

So he chooses not to get home until 6.15 when he could be home considerably earlier if he didn’t go swimming? Then he moans the baby is tired and he doesn’t see DS?

What a selfish twatbadger.

takealettermsjones · 16/10/2021 10:36

Your husband is off his rocker. Tell him to swim in the morning or at the weekend, and use his commute to do some research about babies, because he obviously knows fuck all about them.

Knifeandfawkes · 16/10/2021 10:38

What a knob

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 16/10/2021 10:39

He goes for a swim after work then complains that baby is ready for bed when he gets home???
What a prick

hullaballoo19 · 16/10/2021 10:39

To start with, if your dp cared so much, why can't he miss his swim to get home earlier? It's unreasonable that he complains about this but chooses to do something else before coming home which is time he could be spent with the baby. I think there's a compromise to be found. Could he go out for a swim after the baby's in bed? Could you also maybe try to get a better nap in in the day time? My dd was a terrible napper too so I do understand 😊 I used to take her for a walk to town because she would happily sleep in the pram, could you try something like this?

PinkiOcelot · 16/10/2021 10:39

That’s disgusting. If he was that bothered about the baby he would be making changes, ie not going swimming and actually looking for a job with less of a commute.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 16/10/2021 10:39

If he wanted to see his baby so much he could stop swimming. He expects his young baby to wait up for him to have a nice leisurely swim. Stop upsetting your baby, put him to bed when he wants to go to bed, yours literally making your baby cry every night for no reason.

Frlrlrubert · 16/10/2021 10:41

Is it possible he's reluctant to look for a job closer because he's got a really good thing where he is? Unless he's doing hours in the evening leaving at 4pm everyday would be living the dream for most teachers.

Anyway, he should come straight home, see his child, and swim another time. Simples.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 16/10/2021 10:41

He needs to time his swim for when baby is in bed and make the most of his waking hours by coming home promptly.

MissBPotter · 16/10/2021 10:43

You can’t leave a baby to scream and cry just so he fits in better with your DH fitness schedule! It’s not even his work schedule. He sounds like a useless twat tbh.

Poptart4 · 16/10/2021 10:44

So he chooses to come home just as its time for the baby to go to bed?

He needs to stop swimming in the afternoon and go in the evening. We've all had to change our routines and plans once children come along. Sounds like he's carrying on with his life as normal and expecting you and the baby to revolve around him. Sorry but it just doesn't work like that.

YANBU

AnneElliott · 16/10/2021 10:44

He swims every day? Wow - that's quite a privilege to have that time to yourself every single day and he's an idiot for expecting a baby to wait up for him!

DS used to go to bed just after 6pm as otherwise he was awful. Your H will need to go swimming later or even miss it a few nights a week.

BubblingBottle · 16/10/2021 10:44

Yeah he's a prick and a half and I'm a teacher on mat leave with a six month old!

DifferentHair · 16/10/2021 10:44

Your husband is being a dick.

Why must you solve all his problems when there are so many ready solutions in his reach?

What entitled behaviour.

Is he selfish in other ways?

Wagglerock · 16/10/2021 10:44

He can go swimming later. He could be considerate and come home earlier to see his child and give you a breather. My DH races* home to get to see our two before bed.

*Not literally obviously.

TurdCrapley · 16/10/2021 10:45

No, YANBU. What does he say when you tell him he'd see baby more if he got a job closer to home and didn't swim after work? Does he swim every day?

MRex · 16/10/2021 10:45

He needs to swim after seeing the baby obviously and that would easily give half an hour to an hour. 6.15 home from work is really early though, many people have to work quite long hours and simply wouldn't be able to get home by that time, so I see why he thinks it isn't a crazy schedule. We used to tweak DS's up/ nap/ nap/ sleep schedule around to fit better with whatever we were doing and it's certainly possible to do that so that he can see the baby for even longer, if you wanted to.

Idontlike · 16/10/2021 10:45

They use sleep deprivation a torture tactic.

What kind of person doesn’t let a tired baby sleep?
Your husband is an arse.

DeireadhFomhair · 16/10/2021 10:46

While I think 6.30 is very early, I know when you're at that stage any disruption can really impact their sleep. Bed time will get later as child gets older, but in the meantime I really don't understand why he's putting going for a swim ahead of being at home with his child.

trumpisagit · 16/10/2021 10:46

Your DH is obviously being unreasonable re his priorities, but what time does your baby wake up if you put him to bed at 7?
If you did everything half an hour later it is feasible to move his schedule.
Clocks are changing soon, so he will need to adapt.

BubblingBottle · 16/10/2021 10:46

I seriously wonder how he get's his job done if he swims each day unless he's a PE teacher!

Nogoodusername · 16/10/2021 10:47

Clearly needs to swim after baby goes to bed. He’s been an idiot wanting it all on his own terms - daily swim and baby up when he gets home

KatieKat88 · 16/10/2021 10:48

He's making a choice that's to his benefit. You're being responsible by making a choice that's to your baby's benefit. He sounds selfish and inflexible, not you.

Nogoodusername · 16/10/2021 10:49

and yes, should definitely be applying for a job in a school closer to home if he hates the commute