14 year old actively trying to get pregnant

[Snowpatrolling]

Hoping someone can give me some advice.
Sorry if it’s in the wrong place.

Has anyone had a 14 year old get pregnant?

My daughter behaviour has deteriorated since she met a boy 3 weeks ago.

To the point we now have social services involvement as she told the school I hit her on a regular basis (I don’t)

Had the police out every day last week as she was running away.

She is now actively trying to get pregnant.
Refusing to take the pill or morning after pill.

Does anyone know what happens if she gets pregnant? Can she move somewhere like a mother and baby unit?

Can she claim money?

I’m at my wits end and my mental health is really suffering.

I’ve tried talking to her about how hard it would be and that she should get her educations first, school have tried talking to her. She’s not listening.

Apparently this boys parents are actively encouraging it.

Social services or the police won’t help me. I can’t lock her up in the house as she shoves me and I have my 10 year old here.

I’m so lost and scared. Can anyone help?

@TheChip

I was with you until you said the police aren't following up on a child being reported missing. Sorry, but nah...that's not happening.

I fully believe this. This poor woman has enough on her plate without people accusing her of lying about the shocking state of our public services. Surely we are all aware that the country is currently falling apart? Is it really so surprising that the police and social services aren’t doing a very good job?

[quote DuckPancake]@HemanOrSheRa OP said she's going to try it... if you read the thread. It's a deterrent, obviously.[/quote]
No. OP said she will try it. If you read the thread, other posters sharing their stories of their teens, you will see that something they are shown in Year 5 is a whole world away when they hit their teens.

Hi OP
Just want to offer sympathy and moral support. Not experienced this myself, touch wood, but work with youngsters/ families/ social workers in safeguarding matters, but I'm employed by NHS. Are you also employed by NHS because you should definitely be entitled to some sort of special leave for this, or as others have said, get signed off for stress, because that's actually the truth. Are you having an assessment at the moment or on a "Plan" of some sort? If it's established you "can't keep your daughter safe" there are cases I've seen where children are accommodated, with your agreement under a section 20 foster care type placement. Doesn't solve the issue, but gives you a chance to regroup and find your strength. Children's services need to be keeping you updated as to what's going on.. but please mind your own mental health here, we all have a breaking point. Wishing you best of luck

Could you access episodes of MTV’s Pregnant at 16? It makes being a young mum look very bleak. I highly recommend the Lamaze childbirth movie. I saw it at her age, and it seemed horrible then. Every teen should see it, and learn about the consequences of sex. That includes the boys. No girl gets in trouble all by herself.

It could be a school avoidance tactic if her behaviour changed after the assault. It’s not too late to report that to the police as assault and maybe access victim support counselling if she can’t get any other. It seems like there could be more to what went on than meets the eye if that made such a big change. CAan you talk with her about stories like this and see what her expectations are? www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/teen-who-pregnant-14-reveals-4494787
iamnotalone.ca/14andpregnant/
Is she looking for a way to belong?are there any groups she could join (with bf to start with if she won’t go alone?).

So sorry op! I think unless people have been involved with the police and as they really don't understand how stretched both resources are. Shes 14 and is constantly running away - police will get bored very quickly. If she was under 10 they probably would do more.

As for ss my friend deals with these on a daily basis (similar circumstances actually) they have been the same with her. Basically won't step in unless something happens. She also goes out once in bed. My friend stayed up once making sure everything was locked but you can't do that every night.

Not much advise op but I really do feel for you.

Who told you the boys parents are encouraging it and lock him out ...he's 13 so I suspect not. Can you arrange to meet the parents and talk and suspect they have been told the same story as you and be worried re their boy...

Sounds awful op sorry can't help much more x

@snowpatrolling I feel your pain been exactly in your shoes.. dm me if you want to talk advice on the situation.

*TheChip
When a child goes missing, that takes priority over almost everything else.
They would not ignore a phone call about a child being reported missing.

Incredibly naive. I can vouch that this does happen as I've had 2 friends whose teens went off the rails & gave them hell, including running off, in both cases calls to the police were sometimes ignored

Wow OP that sounds incredibly difficult. Please get signed off from work and prioritise your own health. The stress you are under must be tremendous. Take care of yourself xx

@Bonsaibreaker

If you go to the top of the thread there should be a down arrow on the right hand side. Click it and it brings up options one of which is hide thread.

I think it depends on if you are in the app or not so I could be wrong OP

I agree hide the thread and re-post in teenagers.

This only hides it for the OP though. Not everyone.

For what it's worth OP I believe you.

The naivety displayed on this thread that SS and the police will come along and sort everything out is astounding.

I don't have any direct experience but I know people who have and it's heartbreaking watching families fall apart because the support just isn't there. I also don't think you've failed, you can do everything right and still have problems. It's clear you care, that you're concerned and that you want the best for your daughter.

I agree with others, start a new thread in teenagers. Best of luck to you OP.

@RockinHorseShit

*TheChip When a child goes missing, that takes priority over almost everything else. They would not ignore a phone call about a child being reported missing.

Incredibly naive. I can vouch that this does happen as I've had 2 friends whose teens went off the rails & gave them hell, including running off, in both cases calls to the police were sometimes ignored

Yeah, I was reacting from my own personal experience. I apologised a while back

@Snowpatrolling Google your local authorities missing children policy and child sexual exploitation policy too.

Still report her every time she isn’t where she is supposed to be. Social worker should have convened a strategy discussion by now and she should have been discussed at the MACE panel. Ask them if that’s happened.

You could also ask for her to be voluntarily accommodated in a foster placement away from area in order to disrupt this relationship and her intentions. She needs real therapeutic interventions.

I believe you too OP. I went through 5 years of hell with the police, schools and social services. They believed the child. Which I know they are meant to.
My daughters both went into care at their own request. My eldest daughter went out of control. 35 court appearances with her and 2 stints in prison.
Like you I had to call the police daily. There were worries about CSA. No body took me seriously. I was told by SS that I was neglecting my daughter by not giving her money for drugs and or alcohol.
My daughter lied about me, like you I beat her up and was a drug taking alcoholic.
It took years and 3 social workers for them to figure out she was lying. They finally said I was right.
The police backed me up, regards the CSA. I actually sat in a ride back from another meeting with a police officer and the social worker when this was said.
And considering I was so bad, my daughter did the same behaviours with the poor foster carers who I got on with well. She pissed on their clothes when told not to go out. She stole off them.
The school was useless in my opinion, she never went, my partner drove her to the school gates each morning to make sure she went. We were told to stop. That fight cost my £500 in court fines. Another story.
I had ss asking me why my curtains were closed at 10am , we had been up all night looking for daughter.
The SS threatened me with court, my job .
The police , I was on first name terms with them.
And yes even though they are meant to follow up each report of a missing child they don't always follow up. Daughter was known , she always went to the same place .
I had threads about this on an old forum. Posters here recognised me when I had my threads on here about what to take to prison.
It's a hard slog . It feels like nobody is listening.
My daughter had a girlfriend that used to beat her up badly.
I sat with a police officer who told me that my daughter would be killed. Still had no help.
My situation is different to yours, but on some parallels the same.
Keep logging phone calls.
Email don't talk to them, you need a paper trail. Make sure you take copies of any information or documentation in case you loose the original.
I'm sorry I'm not being positive about this. You have a hard journey ahead. I now have a relationship with my daughter. But very strained. Good luck

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

If she assaults you or your younger child, have her arrested every time. She will eventually be put in a secure children’s home.

Unfortunately didn't work for me. Not until my daughter was 19. Hence 35 court appearances. The courts/police do not like sending children to prisons or detention centres or special children's homes. They are for child killers and extreme cases. Assault is a court appearance if lucky and a fine. Which as my daughter had no job as under 16 guess who had to pay the fine for a crime committed on myself .

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP.
I'm experiencing the running away with my 17 year old dd, in the last 3 weeks I've reported her missing 6 times. The police find her and bring her back, then a few days later the cycle repeats itself.
My dd is under camhs as she's overdosed and self harmed but not had no real help yet.
SS are involved too and although the social worker is lovely there's only so much they will do. After her last missing episode a couple of days ago I asked the police and SS to find her somewhere else to go, she says being at home is triggering for her mental health. They refused to do that and basically said she's my kid so my problem.
My dd has no contact with her dad through choice and I also have 2 younger children at home too.
It feels so lonely when it's your own child doing these things, I've often felt like I'm on my own dealing with this even though I have a lovely partner and a few good supportive friends.
It's hard work being a mum to a teenager but even harder when they are behaving in these ways.
Keep posting and updating you've had some really good advice from other posters.

I'm so sorry to read this OP and all previous posters. It sounds incredibly difficult. Luckily amoung the doubters and the 'blame the parents' lot you've had some good advice and people reaching out to help you see you're not alone.

I'm not at this stage yet so no real advice accept maybe go to the parenting course (i think you said that was offered). I've done some courses through work that have been brilliant and have made me consider effective communication differently and really at worse it would just be a waste of your time, you've nothing to lose.

Take care of yourself and your youngest, I hope things improve for you soon

Can you convince her to have an arm contraceptive implant? Show videos of teenage mums on repeat. I was a mum at 19 and it’s bloody hard. Start another thread on here asking for realistic stories from teenage mums and show her. I’ll contribute!

This might sound ridiculous and I don’t even know if it’s possible so forgive me if I’m talking a load of rubbish…..

Do SS have access to those dolls that teens can look after, that cry etc and are supposed to give wannabe parents a taste of what it’s actually like to look after a baby?

If so would your DD be open to trying this for a few days? It might give her a bit of a shock!

I hope you've managed to speak to someone today op. Worrying times for you.

Are you a single parent? If so are there any close family members she may listen to?

Sorry missed where you said you're a single parent with no support.

I find it funny all those that think SS won’t say that or this and that the police will do X Y Z.

As a prior run away. I didn’t have to go home if I didn’t want to, my parents where not allowed to know where I was if I didn’t want them, too all they where told is that I was safe. I wasn’t even staying in a house with adults just a friends house while their parents where away that a load of us teenagers kind of took over. They couldn’t stop me coming or leaving, they where not allowed to.

SS didn’t even get involved in my case even as a prior child in care so I’m not surprised they are being so crap for Op.

Went home eventually after being in the papers, moved out a few months later into a bf’s house with his parents while still a young teen, again parents couldn’t stop me from doing it.

Only briefly lived at home again at 15 nearly 16 for a year before I moved out permanently at 17.